Popular DC Independent Schools: How to Look Long Term?

[Anonymous]

I feel so confused by this whole thing. I'm not afraid of it, and it all excites me a little. BUT I'm so confused over how you're just supposed to "know" by gut feeling which is the best suited for your family for the next 12 years when I assume your view approaches just the lower school? My son goes to a school we LOVE that extends til 3rd grade, and we have a much-touted public right in our neighborhood (Key). In fact, I have a choice between Mann and Key because of the street I live on is the dividing line, I've heard. But I'll probably do this whole k-12 independent application thing next year anyway, likely putting family near bankruptcy LOL, just becuase having been a product of the usual public school system I romanticize this whole k-12 alleigance and friendships, etc thing. A best friend in college went to NCS and I envied her education and connections. I don't want my kids starting mid-stream if I can help it, unless something causes us to change our minds. If I'm going to stick out this crazy DC thing, I'm going for it hook and sinker with my kids. GDS sounds great with it's liberalism, diversity, focus on self... but no football team? Big public school rearing makes that hard to stomach when I picture my son being the star quarterback and then going on to Yale, and then ending world hunger. (j/k but a mom can dream right?) Plus I tend to think sports are important to dad. Maret is loved for it's small size- but would a kid go crazy there with such a small pool of kids for 12 years? And Sidwell, sounds perfect but for the nasty things said on this site (I'll choose to overlook it for the most part, but hard to keep it's flawless image in my mind...) Or maybe my kids can stay where they are til 3rd, would it be impossible to then go right into St. Albans/NCS if we don't do Beauvoir? It's all enough to make a person crazy, especially when there are more important things to be thinking about right now and this obsession is obviously a diversion...

[Anonymous]

OP, truly Iapologize if this is perceived in any way as hijacking your thread, but your note (which perfectly summarizes what a lot of us feel/ think, btw) uses an interesting phrase in connection to GDS that I've never heard before: "focus on self." What, exactly, does that mean? At first glance, I have to tell you that it sounds rather nauseating, but I'd love to hear more about that GDS perspective, as perhaps I'm reading you incorrectly.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I think it's relevant... I'm no expert, have only reads the same crazy catfights on this board and perused the website. But at least by self-described mantra it seems a little more "touchy feely" in wanting to make people good people, foster the best out of their own self. I guess the same could be said for the others, particularly Quaker Sidwell values. I was speaking loosely...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, truly Iapologize if this is perceived in any way as hijacking your thread, but your note (which perfectly summarizes what a lot of us feel/ think, btw) uses an interesting phrase in connection to GDS that I've never heard before: "focus on self." What, exactly, does that mean? At first glance, I have to tell you that it sounds rather nauseating, but I'd love to hear more about that GDS perspective, as perhaps I'm reading you incorrectly.

Not the poster here, but a GDS parent -- When I read the PP's comment, I took it to refer to the way GDS works hard to make every child feel comfortable in their own skin -- comfortable being who they are. GDS works hard to accept and celebrate people for their differences and for their similarities. And GDS certainly teaches an outward focus on the surorunding world... whether it be through its social justice curriculum or robust community service programs at the pre-K through 12 levels, GDS teaches its kids to be aware of the worls around them and to think critically. It's a great school!

[Anonymous]

A quick answer to some of your concerns from a product of a K-12 private school in another city:
1) Kids come and go through the years so the class that will graduate in 13 years will look very different from the one that starts. So, yes, there will be the 13 year friendships which are nice, but also new blood so it may not be a stifling as you think.
2) Where I grew up, there were many avenues for kids at the various private schools to get to know one another. Most of my friends weren't even from my school. So, don't worry too much about a small size.
3) Small can be good as it gives more chances for kids to shine - be a big fish in a small pond as opposed to getting lost in the shuffle.
4) My HS didn't have a football team (or a prom for that matter) and it was not really a problem. Lacrosse was the big sport. Sure, my high school experience did not look like it does on tv or in movies (we didn't break out into song! ] but I've survived.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I dont think you have to get it right at K. A 4.5 yo is so young that it is probably near impossible to find the "right fit" from a long-term perspective if there is such a thing (I am on the view that when looking at K - 3 grades parents are really picking the school that they like best). Sidwell may be great a K, but may not be so hot when it comes time for middle school or high school when the kids have specific ideas of what they want to study or focus on (sports, for example). My point is that I think that it is ok to focus on the now and them worry about middle school and high school when the time comes. If it happens that you stay in the same school for 13 years, then all the better.

Good Luck

[Anonymous]

OP, do realize how many kids go to NCS, St. Albans, Sidwell, et al. and then to perfectly ordinary colleges. FWIW, every single friend I have here who went to NCS or Sidwell or STA is now sending their children to either public schools, or to more low-key private schools. And I well remember a DCUM posting her surprise that Luke Russert, the son of Tim Russert, had graduated from Boston College as a St. Albans alum. That DCUM had the same thought I did, I bet: That it's not at all difficult to get into BC, and that one might expect the son of a famous newsman AND an STA alum to do a bit better.

Envying your friend her education and connections is one thing; projecting that onto your children is another. It seems that what you're really romanticizing is your perceptions of these schools, and you're pressuring yourself to "get it right" without fully thinking through the ramifications of your choices, or even the real reasons you want to make those choices. Given the cost of these schools, the difficulty of getting in, and the possibility of rejection as perceived by both yourself and your children, it's important to think it through. As a PP said, think about the here-and-now. Your child at 4 or 5 may have very different needs and interests than he will at 10 or 15.

[Anonymous]

Or, using the example provided by PP, the student in question wanted to attend a smaller parochial college in a large New England city, and was exceedingly well prepared by virtue of the good education received in grade and high school.

There really needs to be a consideration that college placement is not the end game for many of the parents who send their children to these private schools.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I really appreciate the thoughtful responses. I think I need to be less of a planner. I will note, however, that when I see people on this board talking about BC, etc. as "ordinary colleges" etc I laugh out loud. I went to one of the schools that I've heard ridiculed on this board as "not that great" and from my southern public high school, where EVERYONE went to the terrible state school it was as if I'd walked on water. I'm still a bit of a local hero with my high school teachers etc... big city attorney and all. So it's all relative I guess. Harvard or Yale would never even be an option for a kid from my school, Boston College would be well applauded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or, using the example provided by PP, the student in question wanted to attend a smaller parochial college in a large New England city, and was exceedingly well prepared by virtue of the good education received in grade and high school.

There really needs to be a consideration that college placement is not the end game for many of the parents who send their children to these private schools.

I'm the PP you cited. And of course that's another way to look at it. In fact, that's probably the way I'd look at it myself. (It isn't accurate to call BC parochial, however. It's a Jesuit institution, and I don't think any Jesuit colleges are parochial institutions.) However, you know as well as I do that for many parents who are considering schools on the basis of them being "Big Three" or whatever DCUMs like to call them, college exmissions are an important part of the overall picture. I know several people who invested a couple of hundred thousand dollars in their child's K-12 education who were bitterly disappointed when those kids went to the University of Colorado or Virginia Tech. They didn't consider it a good payoff. I personally don't look at college admission as the payoff of private school; elite colleges are far more likely to admit a kid from a public school. But many people do look at it that way.

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breath. You are fortunately in boundary for an excellent elementary school. I know several families who could have gone to private (they had the money and the access) but who chose Mann for elementary then went private for middle and high school. You also seem to have romanticized the private school experience. Your friend from NCS may have had great contacts, but those may have been due to her family, not her schooling. Attending private school doesn't guarantee you entree to some exclusive club where your child's future is assured. It's just school. My advice would be to look at your local school, visit some of the private schools you're interested in, but please consider the substantial amount of money you'll save even if your child only goes to public elementary. And don't make it such a big deal that you (or your child) will be crushed if you don't get in to a "popular" school. It's not life or death.

[Anonymous]

We have nearly finished the college search for two kids, after having been through DC independent schools the whole way with both. I urge you to keep an open mind about all these schools and to recognize that, as evidenced by all the "boosterism" in this forum, it is human nature to end up loving where you land. The fact is that you probably won't end up with numerous choices anyway, and thinking in absolutes will only make you unhappy. Also, I think that many parents on this board need to know that the ivies are not as popular with the seniors these days as you might think -- many kids seem to think that the kids who get into them, unless they are athletes, are socially awkward and not as well-rounded as they'd like their friends to be. Acceptance criteria in those schools are different than they were for our generation. One final point I'd like to make is that no school, regardless of how fine and rigorous it is, will turn a child into a genius if the potential is not there. And that is ok -- rich productive happy lives come in many flavors.

[Anonymous]

I think the private school search will boils down to 3 things
1. your pocketbook, and ability to finance an education that may well run $350K, even without inflation
2. Your child's ability to meet requirements for admission/sheer luck
3. Your preference for educational style and options within the school

[Anonymous]

Not sure why Virginia Tech is such a bad choice? No, not an Ivy, but very hard-working students with a strong work ethic. Many of my fellow alums from VT are very successful, especially in high-tech. I also had classmates who went to Harvard Law and the Kennedy School. It is a huge school, so many others are just "normal", but certainly a lot more happy and well-adjusted than some of the neurotic, money-obsessed mothers on this board. There is more to life than the diploma on your wall.

[Anonymous]

PP here - I guess I also laugh when I hear all of these mothers say how special their kids are and expecting that the private school investment will "pay off". I have to ask, "Who will it pay off? Child or parents who get to hob-nob with potential clients and connections?". MOST people who go to college end up at a non-Ivy AND how could anyone know that their child is Ivy material at age 4? I have nothing against private/independent schools if you can truly afford it and as long as there is not an unreasonable expectation placed on a 4-year-old that they must place into the upper echelon schools. Kids should be kids and have some time to play before they get all of that pressure. Parents who are disappointed about where DC goes to college should only be disappointed in themselves for creating fantasy worlds for themselves and placing so much pressure on their kids.