Need advice from parents who travel a lot for work

[Anonymous]

My son is 2.5. I am up for a job that would be an excellent career move for me long-term, but that would likely require more travel than my current position. In hindsight, I wish I had made a move like this sooner so that I could have paid my dues in the job when my son was baby and have more flexibility with respect to my travel schedule now that he's old enough to miss me. I think a move to a position that requires more travel is inevitable if I'm going to advance in my career, so I'm really just trying to figure out when the best time would be to take on such a move. I can't wait ten years until he's in middle school, so the question is whether it's better to be away when he's a preschooler or young elementary schooler. I don't anticipate that the travel would be more than a few days a month, and his dad has a really flexible job that enables him to pick up the slack. Opinions? Any tips from veteran traveling parents?

[Anonymous]

A few days a month - like 3? That's not much at all, particularly if your husband has a flexible schedule!

[Anonymous]

I have traveled for work since before my babe was born. I bring him and the nanny with me.

May as well go for it now.

[Anonymous]

A few days a month is nothing - I think any time would be fine for you.

I travel for 1 week to 10 days about 4 times a year. When my oldest was between 3 and 6, it was never a problem. When she was 7, she became very upset by my leaving. Now she's 8 it's not too bad again. So, you just can't tell!

[Anonymous]

I travel about 2 days a week on average. I try to arrange my schedule to either be at home the morning I leave or come home for dinner. We talk about the cities I visit, look at maps, etc. It's tough but I started when DD was about 2.5 and now she is 5 and we talk on the phone and she is very interested about the places I go.

[Anonymous]

I have found that the younger they are, the worse it is. At 7 and up it gets much easier.

[Anonymous]

DH travels a lot and I find that when they are young they have no concept of time. The kids adjust and so long as they still have something constant (like your husband) they will be fine. The kids still miss him but with iChat and other things, they've been just fine. I'd rather have DH travel when the kids are small then when he'd have to miss out on sports games when the kids will notice he's not there. Right now, there aren't activities/commitments like the school play that he's missing.

[Anonymous]

I'd go ahead and do it now when your being gone is more a vague notion than "but you're going to miss my dance recital/baseball game/etc." I have a two-year-old, and DH travels pretty regularly. DS asks where Daddy is, but usually is comforted by my straight answer ("a work trip") and an offer to send Daddy a picture. We send lots of pictures. Video chatting helps too if schedules work out (west coast travel not so much, but otherwise).

You ask about how this will impact your child, but you should think more about how it will impact your marriage. Will the travel be predictable or last-minute? Will you get a per diem or have to file receipts for reimbursement? Will you get any down time/comp time after trips or is the travel just straight up extra hours? There's a lot your DH will have to do when you're not there, so household logistics need to be worked out.

It's a given that I do all drop-off, pick-up, cooking, chores, kid illness care, etc when DH is gone. It helps me that DH's per diem is generous, so every trip he takes covers DS and I getting takeout once and/or a nice date night when DH gets back. DH can often take a down day after a lot of travel, and he uses that time to get projects done around the house that don't get done when he's gone. When a trip is long, I schedule some time to go do something for myself once he's back, and DH gets one on one time with DS.

The main challenge is not care for DS or how DS handles it, but how to handle household routines that get thrown for a loop when you're gone.

[Anonymous]

Also consider how much support you get at home. My DH travels a lot for extensive periods of time. My kids adjust as their routine doesn't change too much. But I did discover when I started traveling more that my DH's approach to things was lax - the kids started to be afraid he would forget to pick them up from school, he was so slow getting them meals that it was bedtime before they ate. The kids found this much more difficult on them. I also found that traveling takes a toll (I would be gone 1-3 days a month) on me-- when I traveled I worked longer hours, often to the west coast so there was time differences to deal with then I'd be home again and have to immediately adjust back to the family schedule life etc. We didn't get much comp time for travel so having to go back to the office after 3 exhausting days left me tired and often I didn't have the patience I should have had for the family and its needs.