Being a good house guest

[Anonymous]

So, friends bought a beach house last year. This summer, they invited us to come join them at the beach for a week. We were hesitant because we have very different parenting styles. They have 4 kids and are generally more regimented, strict, authoritative, and arbitrary with rules. But they're very good parents and they have lovely kids. We are a little more laid back, although in the "big picture" generally share their values. But, despite our hesitation, we accepted their offer. This is how our week went:

Day One: Our DD asks for a glass of seltzer water, which we allow (although we don't allow soda). DW goes to pour DD a glass and the other mom dresses DW down, loudly, in front of all the kids, declaring that the seltzer was for the ADULTS and that kids were NOT to have it... Ok... whatever.

Day Two: I get up early and prepare breakfast for all 6 kids. I also get all 6 kids ready for the beach (suited up, sunscreen on, gather the toys and chairs) and take them down while the other three adults sleep in for the next three hours. Upon returning for lunch, DW pulls me aside and informs me that the other mom had a hissy fit because I fixed the eggs in the "wrong pan" and didn't adequately clean the kitchen (which is true -- I left many of the dishes out because I didn't want to make all the noise with the dishes clanging around).

Day Two: We do the grocery shopping for the week since we are the guests and they're not charging us to stay there. We figure that's the least we can do. We drop a good $300 or so on groceries and booze. We prepare dinner for 10. Noted for posterity's sake. DD complains about being yelled at by other mom for taking a plum as an afternoon snack when it wasn't "snack time."

Day Three: I get up early again with the kids and DW joins me. We fix breakfast (using the right pan and cleaning the kitchen) and herd all 6 kids to the beach while host couple sleeps in. Return for lunch and have to feed six kids as host couple is still in bed. Couple still hasn't emerged by about 2 p.m. so we take kids out for Italian ice. Get yelled at around 4 p.m. for ruining their dinner. Asked by host couple to return to grocery store to buy additional items they've decided they want to prepare for dinner. The other mom chastises our oldest DD for not eating the chicken she prepared, even though DD is a vegetarian. Like, won't let it go. Then tells us we can't give her food if she's hungry later (we do anyway -- fuck her).

Day Four: I'm up with the kids again (but, hey, I'm a morning person and accustomed to being up with my own kids at that hour). The kids have all gorged themselves on Costco muffins they brought from home and ignore the protein I prepare. Other mom awakes and comes down early, around 11 a.m. Her kids start complaining they're hungry and she bitches me out for letting them eat muffins and not fixing them a proper breakfast. WTF. DW and I decide it's time to cut our trip short.

Day Five: We go out on a boat trip previously agreed. Hosts asks us to stop by grocery store to pick up additional snacks, ice, drinks. Fine, we do this. Boat trip is fine. But we also announce we need to leave a day earlier than planned.

Day Six: We leave. But, you know, I'm still up, feeding all 6 kids and engaging them for 3 hours before their parents emerge. Feeling proud of my oldest DD for making her bed when I go upstairs to strip it (for the washing), only to find out that she was instructed the first day by the other Mom to make her bed. Six days later my DD was still making hers, but her the other mom's kid's bed? Totally unmade.

So, what, exactly, happened here? Definitely grateful for the offer of "free" beach accommodation, yet still somehow feeling somewhat taken advantage of. But I did learn something: Never again will I be a "guest" in someone's beach home while they are there, and if I ever vacation with another family again, it will be totally on neutral ground.

[Anonymous]

I think most people who were raised well would have more grace and manners than your host.
She sounds like an angry, rude, inconsiderate person.
Though you did know that they were "arbitrary" and kind of hard-asses before you accepted their invitation.

Perhaps next time you vacation with another family, you should choose a family that has parenting styles similar to yours. And next time you will listen to the little voice that says its probably not a good idea.

FWIW, I would have left a lot sooner than you did. Kudos for making it as long as you did

[Anonymous]

I think they may just be in the category of not knowing how to deal with guests who do things a bit differently than they do. That particular mother sounds a bit high strung.

I don't think you need to forever avoid going as someone ELSE'S guests.

[Anonymous]

They sound rude! And totally taking advantage of you. Yes, it's their beach house, but it doesn't give one license to be am ass.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, we once tried vacationing with another two couples and children that we didn't know all that well (they were New Yorkers who called us and invited us). Their kids were rude abnoxious brats and the mother wouldn't discipline. Then mom decides to start critiquing our family because it was obvious that theirs was such a disaster, especially after we saw father yank son by the ear and beat him. We gave up our share of a house in tuscany just to get away from the toxic parents and kids. Yes, Big Law mom.

[Anonymous]

We don't vacation with other families for this reason, we've done two trips both on neutral ground and had similar experiences. Once we wanted to take our kids to play putt putt and the other mom threw a fit because that was not in our original plans - I wasn't aware there was a puttputt place near the beach! When I'm on vacation I like to go at our own pace and do what we want along the way.

[Anonymous]

They were assholes.

In the future if you stay with people try to make sure it is for a limited amount of time - my parents used to say "guests and fish go off after three days". I am sure you would have found all this bearable if you were just there for two days or so. Otherwise, your plan for neutral ground is a good one.

[Anonymous]

That's why we vacation alone or stay at a hotel. With all those food costs and your babysitting services, a hotel and eating out may have been cheaper. Wow.

[Anonymous]

We're very careful about who we vacation with. And for the most part, unless it's family, I try to stay in separate houses. Your friends sound like jerks. Hopefully they have some other redeeming factors that makes it fun to hang out with them around home. Otherwise, I'd let that friendship fade away.

[Anonymous]

I bet host mom's kids were very happy you were along to make breakfast and get them out to the beach in the morning.

We stayed with another couple in their guest cabin and didn't enjoy the experience either. We felt at their beck and call to entertain them and provide amusing conversation.

[Anonymous]

This is why I don't vacation with anyone but DH and DD?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, there are a lot of people I'd enjoy spending three hours with, but not more than that. We are a pretty relaxed family and have friends who are much more rule-oriented (I won't say uptight). I like them, but I wouldn't vacation in the same house with them because it's no fun for us to be walking on eggshells the whole time, and I know they would be going crazy on the inside because we seem so slobby and permissive to them.

[Anonymous]

You people simply need better friends. We have vacationed with a couple of different sets of friends and always had a great time.

[Anonymous]

We have friends that we vacation with, with kids- but I would suggest a shorter run next time to see if you are compatible. That said, I know there families in our social circle I would not vacation with too

[Anonymous]

Horrible hosts!

However, if I ever get a beach house, I am inviting you to come and stay!