very "shy" child in Fairfax elementary, or private?

[Anonymous]

Hi,
My daughter will be beginning kindergarten one year from now. While I don't really like the term "shy," that's how most people describe her. In my words, she's very cautious about new people and places , as well as introverted. So she doesn't do well at playdates or other social situations unless she has a longstanding relationship with the child, and even then she does best one-on-one rather than in a group, and she won't play at a crowded park and just clings to me, even if we're with a sibling or another child she knows well. She has attended a small preschool for two years, and generally thrives once she's past the initial beginning of the year warm up period, but it is a very small preschool where the kids get to know all the other kids' and teachers' faces quickly. And the same kids have mostly been in her class both years. I was like this a bit as a child, and I remember public school generally as being pretty awful and painful, and so I wonder if that experience may have been avoidable with a better school situation. We are zoned for a large Fairfax elementary with the typical large class sizes and multiple classes in each grade going to the school. Can anyone whose child has a similar disposition comment on how their child has done in this type of school? Or have you gone private -- and has that worked out well? Also any general tips on how to prepare the child socially would be welcome. TIA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,
My daughter will be beginning kindergarten one year from now. While I don't really like the term "shy," that's how most people describe her. In my words, she's very cautious about new people and places , as well as introverted. So she doesn't do well at playdates or other social situations unless she has a longstanding relationship with the child, and even then she does best one-on-one rather than in a group, and she won't play at a crowded park and just clings to me, even if we're with a sibling or another child she knows well. She has attended a small preschool for two years, and generally thrives once she's past the initial beginning of the year warm up period, but it is a very small preschool where the kids get to know all the other kids' and teachers' faces quickly. And the same kids have mostly been in her class both years. I was like this a bit as a child, and I remember public school generally as being pretty awful and painful, and so I wonder if that experience may have been avoidable with a better school situation. We are zoned for a large Fairfax elementary with the typical large class sizes and multiple classes in each grade going to the school. Can anyone whose child has a similar disposition comment on how their child has done in this type of school? Or have you gone private -- and has that worked out well? Also any general tips on how to prepare the child socially would be welcome. TIA!

You might as well have been describing my child! She did not do well in large groups. We tried a couple larger groups before she entered K to test it out, and unless the teacher was extremely talented, my child would fade away into the background, if she was even willing to detach herself from me. Small groups offered her the opportunity to eventually participate. Because of that, I sought out schools with small K classes. Open school plans were also too distracting/stimulating for her so I also looked for traditional school construction. My local public had K classes that were at the very far end of what I thought might be acceptable, but the open plan combined with the almost-too-large class sent me looking at other places.

Something to keep in mind is that these children often blossom, and no longer need the protective environment we seek for them as young children. It is worth looking at your public school options to see if perhaps there's a K teacher who impresses you with his or her ability. Even though I love my daughter's school (and intend to continue sending her there), I would have appreciated being able to send her to our local public for all sorts of reasons.

[Anonymous]

She does not sound shy, she sounds like she is 'slow to warm'. She will do similarly whether she is in private or public kindergarten as it will all be new and take her some time to get used to it. Going to the school this year for their open houses, fun fair, for a lookie loo are good things to do. Take her to the playground on the weekend. Contact the PTA and see if you can get in contact with other parents who will have rising Kinders next year (younger siblings of current students) so she can meet them before school starts. Talk about the school when you drive past it.

[Anonymous]

My oldest was very reticent and slow to warm up (still is introverted and not confident in social situations). One thing that always helped was for her to be one of the first kids to be in a room. She could handle it better if kids came in and it got noisy after she was in the room, but it was more frightening to her if she came into a room that was already loud and noisy. You may not be able to control this (depending on your mornign routine), but if you are able to walk your child to the classroom right when kids are allowed in or if you can see that she is early enough to be among the first in the line, it might help.

I know kids who were painfully shy who did just fine in public school. I don't think that is a reason to spend $20-30K per year on private.

[Anonymous]

I agree. She will be okay. Don't let her feel your concerns. You might look for other neighborhood kids who may be in her class next year. That might help the transition.

[Anonymous]

I think the next couple of years are key to helping her spread her wings and be confident socially. Public is totally fine, except that with large schools it might be an entirely new group of classmates each year- so she would have to warm up to new people over and over again, while perhaps private might have some continuity.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat as you OP. I'm leaning towards sending mine to a private Catholic based school. I can't imagine my daughter having a new set of classmates every year. At least at a smaller school we will know more of the parents and more of the students. My son is in public, FWIW. But he has a personality that can handle the change.

[Anonymous]

If your child is that shy, I'm sure the teacher will be aware of it and place her in a class the following year where she will be comfortable. Later in the year (after Christmas) you might discuss it with the counselor.