An introvert's guide to networking.

[Anonymous]

Please help! I am introverted and would love tips on how to make networking events less painful. I like people, but SO many people in an unstructured environment causes me serious anxiety issues (want to conquer it without medicating myself). I need to do it for school. I'm starting a new masters program and feel like I need to attend (at least some of) these events to get the most out of my time in the program but my heart is racing just from typing about it.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I just started copying people who seemed comfortable with being outgoing and who were well-received. I did NOT drink to loosen up, ever.

Also, I always look for the person who looks like a deer in the headlights. They need me, and don't realize I need them. So I meet the bubbly extrovert, go find a deer, talk up the deer, and then introduce them to Bubbles. Do that two more times, and that's six people and one hour. Then it's time to leave, go home, and rock quietly in your favorite chair.

[Anonymous]

One thing that helps is to have a source of topics to talk about. If I know that I will be seeing large groups of acquaintances, I will read the newspaper or Yahoo! news or washingtingpost.com and read up on various news of the day, weather, sports, etc. It's much easier when you have a source of topics to talk about that are not personal. Once you find a comfort zone talking about something generic when you don't have to talk about yourself, it will be easier to relax and enjoy such an event.

FYI, if the event is a for a particular topic (in this case the master's program in your field), then brush up on topical items about the subject. But at a social event for such a program, talk a little about the program and related subject, but not too much. Remember that many of the people that you will be talking to (professors, school administrators, etc) will be willing to talk about some of this, but then they'll want to put work behind them and relax for the social event. Talk at the beginning about topical subjects in your field and later switch to current events, news, and more general topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I just started copying people who seemed comfortable with being outgoing and who were well-received. I did NOT drink to loosen up, ever.

Also, I always look for the person who looks like a deer in the headlights. They need me, and don't realize I need them. So I meet the bubbly extrovert, go find a deer, talk up the deer, and then introduce them to Bubbles. Do that two more times, and that's six people and one hour. Then it's time to leave, go home, and rock quietly in your favorite chair.

Different poster here. Great idea! Thanks for posting.

[Anonymous]

I recommend bringing a friend along, and playing tag-team. Introduce each other to other people. As long as you don't just hang with each other this works quite well.

Also sometimes setting a goal helps - today I will chat with 3 people I don't know. By the third you feel more comfortable, and then you have a few people you can chat with.

Otherwise, my last favorite tip is to ask people a lot of questions about themselves - where are you from? Where did you travel to last? Avoid work "what do you do" and ask about things that people really like talking about. "I'm about to finish a book. What are you reading right now? What books do you love?" etc.

Good luck! You will be great!

[Anonymous]

I try to give myself an 'agenda'. I want to ask person x about topic y. I want to find out where two people live (generally speaking, relevant in the DC area). If I can get those marked off I may leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I just started copying people who seemed comfortable with being outgoing and who were well-received. I did NOT drink to loosen up, ever.

Also, I always look for the person who looks like a deer in the headlights. They need me, and don't realize I need them. So I meet the bubbly extrovert, go find a deer, talk up the deer, and then introduce them to Bubbles. Do that two more times, and that's six people and one hour. Then it's time to leave, go home, and rock quietly in your favorite chair.

Different poster here. Great idea! Thanks for posting.

Boy, this is so much more creative than the typical advice given in those introvert books. Especially the favorite chair reward. PP you rock!

[Anonymous]

I've just accepted that I hate/suck at those big networking events, and I focus on building relationships through smaller scale stuff like serving on committees for professional organizations and attending small conferences. If I know someone is working on a project I'm interested in, I'll email and set up a one-on-one meeting (coffee, whatever). I always try to connect people I know who have mutual interests. I meet fewer people using these strategies, but those contacts are much more productive because they're based on a substantive shared interest. I've recently been recruited to work on a few projects specifically because I have really good contacts, so my strategies seem to be working for me.