MIL can't bring herself to say anything nice.

[Anonymous]

Ever.

Is this normal? Does your MIL refuse to say anything nice about you to your face or behind your back?

I have known mine for twenty years, have been nothing but pleasant, have never asked her for anything; yet it kills her to say anything nice about me (or DH, or DC, for that matter). I don't expect high praise, just a "that's nice" or showing some level of *consciousness* or *feeling*. I wonder if she might be depressed, or just hate me. Or hate herself.

She has no problem praising people she hardly knows, which exacerbates her (in)action. She will go on and on about something that has nothing to do with her, so I know she has it in her to lay it on thick, as they say. I'm not looking for that, or any untruths. It strikes me as odd. Am I being overly sensitive? It has been twenty years, after all.

Am I the only one?

[Anonymous]

Nope, you are not alone Me too.

[Anonymous]

It could be she is saying nice things about you behind your back? I had a grandparent who never had any praise for me to my face. After she died, I found out she had been talking me (and my siblings) up to anybody who would listen. Some people from older generations just aren't demonstrative.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies.

No, unfortunately I know she is dismissive of us. It is extremely evident in how others treat us when they meet us.
They fawn over most other family members, and are almost offended by our presence, if that makes sense. We are treated with disdain for no reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, mine is also like this, except she adores DH, and my kids. Mine will also not acknowledge when I have contributed to the conversation by indicating that she heard me, asking further questions about what I said, or showing interest of any kind. Often there is dead silence after my comment, even if she and FIL brought up the subject in question.

For example, they brought up RFK stadium, and what might happen with that property, and I knew a little bit about that, so I stated in one sentence the latest. There was not a sign of recognition that someone had spoken, until my DH made a light comment, and there were then gales of fake laughter. I am used to it now, although after they visit I am drained and feel crazy.

If I do not contribute to the conversation then I am being sulky and too quiet, and they will let me know this in various ways.

Actually most of my dealings with them are lose/lose. Nothing I do is right, and now I have committed the ultimate sin after 15 years of marriage to my DH: I have gained weight (about 10 pounds).

Believe me, I know how they feel about that from years of their mean jokes about overweight passersby, and their own eating issues.

Sorry for the long post but they just left after a 9 day visit and I am fried to a crisp.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone, but I'm not suffering from that particular affliction. I wish I could pimp my MIL out to other women.

She never gives me a hard time. She sometimes offers suggestions but is cool if we don't take them. She offers to help. Isn't passive-aggressive.

She could run MIL seminars.

[Anonymous]

"MIL for Hire" - LOVE this idea, PP! Also seeking Grandmother for hire, while we are at it. To show the bitter ones how its done. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, mine is also like this, except she adores DH, and my kids. Mine will also not acknowledge when I have contributed to the conversation by indicating that she heard me, asking further questions about what I said, or showing interest of any kind. Often there is dead silence after my comment, even if she and FIL brought up the subject in question.

For example, they brought up RFK stadium, and what might happen with that property, and I knew a little bit about that, so I stated in one sentence the latest. There was not a sign of recognition that someone had spoken, until my DH made a light comment, and there were then gales of fake laughter. I am used to it now, although after they visit I am drained and feel crazy.

If I do not contribute to the conversation then I am being sulky and too quiet, and they will let me know this in various ways.

Actually most of my dealings with them are lose/lose. Nothing I do is right, and now I have committed the ultimate sin after 15 years of marriage to my DH: I have gained weight (about 10 pounds).

Believe me, I know how they feel about that from years of their mean jokes about overweight passersby, and their own eating issues.

Sorry for the long post but they just left after a 9 day visit and I am fried to a crisp.

I don't have people in my home who treat me like shit. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

My mil is the same as yours, OP. except she adores DH and the kids. Rarely says a kind word towards me - and then, it will only be a praise of a possession - that's a nice handbag. Those are nice shoes.

[Anonymous]

Same here except my MIL is nasty to everyone, especially her own husband.

[Anonymous]

My MIL asked me to get something from a top kitchen drawer, when I opened the drawer, there were the gifts I given her over the past year, still in their store wrappings: 2 nylon tote bags, 4 cute dishtowels, 2 good knives. Nothing else in the drawer. Message: I will never, ever use these things you gave me.

[Anonymous]

Time to stop hoping she will change. This is how she is and will always be. It will be less exhausting if you expect her to be how she is rather than hoping for her to change at year 21.

[Anonymous]

She never says anything nice? Or she never say anything nice about you? If it's the latter, get over yourself. Did you grow up with parents who praised everything you did or treated you like a princess? I do not expect people to compliment me.

[Anonymous]

I may as well be invisible. My MIL mostly ignores me and I'm just a person to bounce the sound waves of her voice against and back to her.

I stopped giving my MIL photographs of my kids when she whined that to give an unframed professional portrait as a gift is beyond tacky. It was one of many gifts and I did present the photos in a box, wrapped this in a huge, fancy box with ribbon, etc.

I've decorated the entryway of our house with a distinctive style. Been this way for about five years. MIL came into our house recently to describe how gorgeous her friends's redesigned entryway is and proceeded to describe my entryway, down to the colors and furniture. She'd never compliment me, but her friend...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL asked me to get something from a top kitchen drawer, when I opened the drawer, there were the gifts I given her over the past year, still in their store wrappings: 2 nylon tote bags, 4 cute dishtowels, 2 good knives. Nothing else in the drawer. Message: I will never, ever use these things you gave me.

Wow, that's one mean, messed up woman.