what to expect of ExDh

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and for the most part my Ex and I co parent together pretty successfully. Ex has a girlfriend who I have meet (about 6 months ago) and like well enough. She has 2 kids who are slightly older than mine. This morning my Ex and DD were talking on the phone and he mentioned today they were going with Girlfriend's children to a museum. My DD asked if she could join and Ex said if it was ok with me she could. My other kids had athletic commitments and weren't interested in going anyway so it actually worked out quite well. I am getting DD ready for the activity when Ex calls me and says that after thinking about it further and talking with Girlfriend about it, the day is set up for her older kids and he thinks DD would be bored. I tell him if she gets bored I will come and get her, he sighs but agrees that is fair. When Ex comes and picks up DD Girlfriend pulls me aside and tells me how selfish it was to steal one of their weekends together and that my kids already take up half the month. I looked her in the eye and said that my kids are free to take as much time with their Dad as they please. I am later reviewing the situation and wonder I crossed some boundaries. Neutral opinions appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I think the girlfriend has a lot of nerve confronting you. Your DD going to the museum is between you, your exDH, and your DD.

[Anonymous]

Just an awkward situation all around. Your ex should have checked with his gf before saying DD could come if you agreed. After he called and explained what was going.on I don't think you should have made that type of deal with him.
You don't say how old DD is but there is a big difference between a 6 year old and a 10 year old. Less so if it is a 5 and 7 year old.

Anyways, you could have worked out another day for your ex to take DD. Instead, you put him in a position where it was impossible to say no.

Girlfriend sounds kind of bitchy and I can't believe she said something to you. Unless this happens a lot, then I understand more.

[Anonymous]

You answered fine. She had no business pulling you aside like that. Next time, stop the conversation and call your ex over:

(Out of earshot of your kid)
"Jack, Susie here seems to be confused. Let's clear this up. When you were talking on the phone with Larla earlier, it was you that brought up the museum visit and invited her along. Susie seems to think I orchestrated this outing when we know that's not how it happened. Susie, is there anything else I can clear up for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an awkward situation all around. Your ex should have checked with his gf before saying DD could come if you agreed. After he called and explained what was going.on I don't think you should have made that type of deal with him.
You don't say how old DD is but there is a big difference between a 6 year old and a 10 year old. Less so if it is a 5 and 7 year old.

Anyways, you could have worked out another day for your ex to take DD. Instead, you put him in a position where it was impossible to say no.

Girlfriend sounds kind of bitchy and I can't believe she said something to you. Unless this happens a lot, then I understand more.

Once dad makes a commitment to his child, he has to follow through. He is the adult. His issue if he didn't discuss with the GF before opening his mouth. You were in the right to tell GF that your child gets as much time with her dad as she wants. GF needs to grow up. Sorry, but you date a man with kids and the kids are the priority. He managed to include ALL the children. She needs to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You answered fine. She had no business pulling you aside like that. Next time, stop the conversation and call your ex over:

(Out of earshot of your kid)
"Jack, Susie here seems to be confused. Let's clear this up. When you were talking on the phone with Larla earlier, it was you that brought up the museum visit and invited her along. Susie seems to think I orchestrated this outing when we know that's not how it happened. Susie, is there anything else I can clear up for you?

Love this!

[Anonymous]

Op here: thanks for the responses. I should mention it is pretty rare my kids see Dh on "my" wknd and this was an unplanned event that DD brought up to me. My DD is 7 and her kids are 9 and 10.

[Anonymous]

Is your exDH aware of this exchange yet? He should know. If that is how his girlfriend thinks of his kids (taking up half the month), he shouldn't be with her.

[Anonymous]

Your ex tried to get out of it gracefully, and you pushed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your exDH aware of this exchange yet? He should know. If that is how his girlfriend thinks of his kids (taking up half the month), he shouldn't be with her.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your ex tried to get out of it gracefully, and you pushed it.

She likely pushed it b/c otherwise her dd would have figured out her dad (or gf) didn't want her along. That would have been worse, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the girlfriend has a lot of nerve confronting you. Your DD going to the museum is between you, your exDH, and your DD.

I wanted to add that I think it is odd that she considers your DDs presence as "stealing time away from her". If she has an issue with your DD going with them to the museum, she should take it up with her boyfriend (exDH) and not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your exDH aware of this exchange yet? He should know. If that is how his girlfriend thinks of his kids (taking up half the month), he shouldn't be with her.

+1

+2!! Yikes! Your DH has kids--they are part of the package. I can't believe she doesn't get that, considering she has kids of her own!!

[Anonymous]

+2 PP here. Also, 7, 9 and 10 don't seem that different to me in terms of how hte day would go. I could understand a little bit if your DD was 2 and they didn't want the 9 and 10 year olds' day hampered by a 2 year old, but she isn't that much younger than them!

[Anonymous]

Really bad sign for a potential stepmother. You should be on your guard.