Toddler Discipline and Food

[Anonymous]

Overall my toddler (almost 18 months) eats very well - meats, veggies, fruits, grains, etc - for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Maybe once a week or so, she'll refuse to eat dinner and push her plate away even though it's something she's had before and liked. Instead of dinner she'll ask for crackers and cheese which I figured it's better that she eats something rather than nothing. The other day I just got a little fed up because she had refused to eat 3 nights in row and again asked for crackers and cheese. I told her no and said she either eats dinner or she doesn't get anything else except for her milk. She said no and knocked her plate away. So I said ok and took her out of her chair and didn't give her anything else except her cup of milk.

I felt guilty about it, but my husband told me not to worry about it and it was good discipline. I was afraid she would wake up hungry and miserable that night but she didn't. I still feel a little guilty about it, so I'm wondering if this type of discipline is good at this age.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is. It's up to you to serve the food. It's up to her to decide whether or not to eat it. If she decides not to eat, maybe she'll be hungry. Then she'll be hungry. She will not come to harm between (not eating) dinner and breakfast.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it fine, although I'm not sure my 18mo is verbal enough to understand the consequence.

An alternative that's been successful for me, is to sit my kid back at the table with 1-2 crackers/cheese slices and the rest of the dinner plate. Often, if I can just get him to start eating, he'll finish everything from there.

[Anonymous]

Not giving your child an alternative snack when they don't want the dinner you made is good, in my opinion, but you should be consistent. How was she supposed to know it was the 3rd night that would tick you off? Either you're ok with serving up alternative meals or you're not. It's not really fair to her that you're ok with it as long as you're in a good mood.

I opened this thinking you were using denial of food as a form of discipline, which is generally a bad idea, but since that's not what you're doing, then carry on.

[Anonymous]

I think that the mistake you made was giving crackers and cheese in the first place. My DS is the same age as your DD and he has never had a cracker or juice. It's not that I'm completely opposed to them and I would give it if I were in a pinch, but I've never been so in a pinch that water or milk and real food weren't an option. As for cheese, we take the French approach - it's an after-meal delicacy, so that means he gets cheese once he's already eaten a good meal of real food. Same thing with milk - he has that after he eats or within an hour or so of eating a good meal. That way he doesn't fill up.

Of course, he will still be demanding about food. A month or so back when it got really bad and he was pretty much demanding certain things (beans, bread, fruit) and refusing to eat others, I posted on here and took the great advice from a poster to get his whole meal ready and put it in front of him when he sits down. Then, if he asks for something else, I say sorry honey this is your dinner tonight. I put a lot of options out there and so there is always a range of choices he can make, but he learned very quickly that what was there was what there was to choose from and nothing else was going to come out of the fridge or cupboard.

[Anonymous]

We do a lot of "xyz or nothing" and sometimes "nothing" is chosen. I make exceptions for a new food that is tasted and genuinely disliked. But I always try to serve a new food with an approved food. Like if he doesn't like the new type of chicken, there are carrots, and I know he likes those.

[Anonymous]

I am very close to doing this now and DS is 14 mos.

He is a good eater generally but will sometimes want something else when he hasnt eaten dinner.
My plan is to always put at least 1 thing on his plate that I know he likes so he at least gets something in him. If he doesnt eat the rest then thats his decision, I am not offering something else though.

[Anonymous]

I think 18 mo is a little young to be doing discipline, etc with food. At that age, I just went with what he liked, kept trying to introduce new foods and eventually he expanded his universe. Believe me, he went through the fish stick and chix nugget phase, but I just tried to build off of what he ate and kept offering new foods (but no screaming, etc if he didn't want it). E.g. rather than chix nuggets, I did grilled chick with sweet BBQ sauce. Rather than fish sticks, I did whitefish and breaded it myself, etc.

[Anonymous]

If you dont introduce chicken nuggets and fish sticks this young then they will probably eat healther from the beginning.

I am not anti chiccken nuggets once theyre preschool age and older, as an occasioanl treat but don't see the sense if giving them to a baby/toddler as a form of nutrition