How can I get better? Please help

[Anonymous]

Hello,
I work in the field of Finance and I’m at a job that I don’t really like because it is not utilizing my skills to the full extent and I think being there has actually dumbed me down to the point where I don’t remember skills that I used to have years ago. I think I am very book smart and can understand concepts very quickly and graduated with the highest honors when I was in college, however when it comes to the real world and actually selling my skills for a real job, I am clueless. I do not know how to convey my skills to a prospective employer. I guess you could say my communication skills are poor and I am a people’s person though so I don’t get why when I have an interview be it on the phone or in person, I am very very stressed about it to the point where I am shaking and forget what I want/need to say even if it’s on the phone, so my speech is blurred and I think the person on the other line can feel how nervous I am. And because I am nervous I keep my sentences very short and do not elaborate because I just want to get out what I want to say quickly so I can breathe. However in my field, this doesn’t fly, as you have to communicate financial results to execs pretty often and I just feel scared whenever I have to talk to a person or a group of person, its like stage fright. I think one reason is I am French so I have a French accent and I’m thinking to myself that people might judge me for it or not understand what I am saying while I’m saying it. Here’s the thing , I have an interview at a great company that is on my top list and I am freaking out already, how do I make sure I can be confident and not scared when I talk to the interviewer? I’ve already had an interview with one manager there a few days ago on the phone and I was really nervous and shaking. I have another coming up and I don’t want to blow my chances but I really don’t know how to get this fear out of me and be able to convey what I have to? Sorry for the long rambling and thank you for reading

[Anonymous]

Okay. You need to calm down. You already have a job, even though you don't love it, so it isn't a desperate situation. You don't need this new job. The interview is an opportunity for you to evaluate the situation and see if it is a position you want. The interviewer wants to know if he/she can work with you, so you need to show the interviewer how it would be to actually work with you on a project.
Go over the job description and practice addressing how you will be able to meet each requirement. You already passed the phone interview so you know they like you/think you are qualified already.
At the interview, speak slowly so you don't have to worry about whether they will understand you. Plus, the French accent is sexy. Americans love it.
Just have a conversation with the person. At the end, ask if they have any concerns about your ability to do the job. If they say no, great! If they say yes, I am concerned about this or that, then you take the opportunity to alleviate their concern. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. You need to calm down. You already have a job, even though you don't love it, so it isn't a desperate situation. You don't need this new job. The interview is an opportunity for you to evaluate the situation and see if it is a position you want. The interviewer wants to know if he/she can work with you, so you need to show the interviewer how it would be to actually work with you on a project.
Go over the job description and practice addressing how you will be able to meet each requirement. You already passed the phone interview so you know they like you/think you are qualified already.
At the interview, speak slowly so you don't have to worry about whether they will understand you. Plus, the French accent is sexy. Americans love it.
Just have a conversation with the person. At the end, ask if they have any concerns about your ability to do the job. If they say no, great! If they say yes, I am concerned about this or that, then you take the opportunity to alleviate their concern. Good luck!

Thank you, that's what I do actually. I spend hours going through everything, my resume, the job, the requirements, ect but I can't help but get extremely nervous when the interview time is approaching and when I do get to the interview, my heart starts beating very quickly and I start even trembling sometimes. Regardless of what I tell to myself I cant make this stop. What is wrong with me that I am so scared of people or talking to them about my experience? I guess theother thing is I am scared that Im gonna look/sound like a complete dummy if I don't know the answer to a question and that plays a role on my nerves as well. Thanks for answering.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should either see a career counselor, who can do some mock interviews with you, or ask a friend to help.

You just need to practice and practice so its less scary.

[Anonymous]

Do you think you might have some general social anxiety as well? It's normal to be nervous before an interview (unless you're so arrogant you think you have it in the bag, or you don't care about the job), but this sounds like more than just the usual nerves.

How old are you? How long have you been working? Some of this stuff does get easier with time and experience, but if you have an anxiety issue, just practicing might not make it go away.

[Anonymous]

OP Here- I am 30 years old. Have had 2 real jobs since school ( other jobs were part-time , internships,ect). Yes, I am generally anxious around people I don't know. I just don't know what to talk about so that makes me nervous.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to talk about oneself and qualifications. I try to find out as much about the actual interviewer as possible before the interview, then try to work into the conversation something that forms a connection. For example, if the person went to college in a city you are familiar with, you can mention that city casually. The interview does not need to be all about you and your qualifications. Ask the interviewer about him/herself, why he/she likes the job, company, etc. Remember also it is tough to get an interview these days, so you are already doing great. I would be nervous too if I were interviewing in France!
Are you always so nervous around other people or is it specific to interviews?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you might have some general social anxiety as well? It's normal to be nervous before an interview (unless you're so arrogant you think you have it in the bag, or you don't care about the job), but this sounds like more than just the usual nerves.

How old are you? How long have you been working? Some of this stuff does get easier with time and experience, but if you have an anxiety issue, just practicing might not make it go away.

Yeah, it sounds like you probably have social anxiety disorder. It is more than just typical interview nerves. It is a social phobia and it can be debilitating. The good news is that you can get help for it in the form of exposure therapy, medicine, etc. A prescription medication can really take the edge off, but the exposure therapy--that can change your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to talk about oneself and qualifications. I try to find out as much about the actual interviewer as possible before the interview, then try to work into the conversation something that forms a connection. For example, if the person went to college in a city you are familiar with, you can mention that city casually. The interview does not need to be all about you and your qualifications. Ask the interviewer about him/herself, why he/she likes the job, company, etc. Remember also it is tough to get an interview these days, so you are already doing great. I would be nervous too if I were interviewing in France!
Are you always so nervous around other people or is it specific to interviews?

I try to do that too but sometimes the interviewers are just people you can’t read and go straight to resume-questioning mode without a smile, nothing. And you’re right I think I would not feel this nervous if I was interviewing in France , I would feel pretty confident actually, but given that it’s a different country, different culture, people, ect I feel quite nervous most of the time that people won’t be able to relate to me or I to them and then I also have a hard time expressing myself since English is not my first language

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you might have some general social anxiety as well? It's normal to be nervous before an interview (unless you're so arrogant you think you have it in the bag, or you don't care about the job), but this sounds like more than just the usual nerves.

How old are you? How long have you been working? Some of this stuff does get easier with time and experience, but if you have an anxiety issue, just practicing might not make it go away.

Yeah, it sounds like you probably have social anxiety disorder. It is more than just typical interview nerves. It is a social phobia and it can be debilitating. The good news is that you can get help for it in the form of exposure therapy, medicine, etc. A prescription medication can really take the edge off, but the exposure therapy--that can change your life!

What is exposure therapy? Do I need to see a therapist for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you might have some general social anxiety as well? It's normal to be nervous before an interview (unless you're so arrogant you think you have it in the bag, or you don't care about the job), but this sounds like more than just the usual nerves.

How old are you? How long have you been working? Some of this stuff does get easier with time and experience, but if you have an anxiety issue, just practicing might not make it go away.

Yeah, it sounds like you probably have social anxiety disorder. It is more than just typical interview nerves. It is a social phobia and it can be debilitating. The good news is that you can get help for it in the form of exposure therapy, medicine, etc. A prescription medication can really take the edge off, but the exposure therapy--that can change your life!

What is exposure therapy? Do I need to see a therapist for that?

It is cognitive behavior therapy whereby you are exposed to the fearful situation in steps/situations and you would need to see a therapist. Some people are able to get relief in just a few sessions. Facing the fear is no cake walk, but there is relief on the other side!

[Anonymous]

It also believe you may be suffering from some type of anxiety. As someone who has been in the same boat, I highly recommend seeing a therapist -- preferably a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication as well as do cognitive behavior therapy with you. My boyfriend and I have seen different therapists in the past. I don't know if they are still in practice -- dr Brian Doyle and Dr Ken Rothbaum. Both were in the DuPont Circle area. If you work downtown and those docs aren't in practice anymore, check out the Psychiatry Depts at Georgetown and GW universities. They likely have profiles of the specialists or you can call the main number for the department and tell them you are looking for someone to help you with anxiety and you think you need a therapist who does cognitive behavior therapy. Unfortunately most therapists don't take insurance, but you may be able to submit the claims to your insurance for some kind of reimbursement. It will be expensive, but as someone who has suffered debilitating anxiety, I can tell you it is money well spent because the anxiety really affects your life -- probably in ways you don't even realize. Nothing is more important than your health. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It also believe you may be suffering from some type of anxiety. As someone who has been in the same boat, I highly recommend seeing a therapist -- preferably a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication as well as do cognitive behavior therapy with you. My boyfriend and I have seen different therapists in the past. I don't know if they are still in practice -- dr Brian Doyle and Dr Ken Rothbaum. Both were in the DuPont Circle area. If you work downtown and those docs aren't in practice anymore, check out the Psychiatry Depts at Georgetown and GW universities. They likely have profiles of the specialists or you can call the main number for the department and tell them you are looking for someone to help you with anxiety and you think you need a therapist who does cognitive behavior therapy. Unfortunately most therapists don't take insurance, but you may be able to submit the claims to your insurance for some kind of reimbursement. It will be expensive, but as someone who has suffered debilitating anxiety, I can tell you it is money well spent because the anxiety really affects your life -- probably in ways you don't even realize. Nothing is more important than your health. Best of luck.

Thank you. Do you know how much on average the sessions cost? and if insurance reimburses part of it, what portion do they reimburse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you might have some general social anxiety as well? It's normal to be nervous before an interview (unless you're so arrogant you think you have it in the bag, or you don't care about the job), but this sounds like more than just the usual nerves.

How old are you? How long have you been working? Some of this stuff does get easier with time and experience, but if you have an anxiety issue, just practicing might not make it go away.

Yeah, it sounds like you probably have social anxiety disorder. It is more than just typical interview nerves. It is a social phobia and it can be debilitating. The good news is that you can get help for it in the form of exposure therapy, medicine, etc. A prescription medication can really take the edge off, but the exposure therapy--that can change your life!

What is exposure therapy? Do I need to see a therapist for that?

It is cognitive behavior therapy whereby you are exposed to the fearful situation in steps/situations and you would need to see a therapist. Some people are able to get relief in just a few sessions. Facing the fear is no cake walk, but there is relief on the other side!

I looked it up and i think it would be helpful. Thanks again

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into popping a Valium? Seriously, it may take the edge off.