so sad dropping off at day care today

[Anonymous]

so I've been back to work full time for about two months. it was very hard at first to take my (now 6-mo-old) DS to day care. I missed him so much. as time has gone by, I have adjusted pretty well. but, this morning, I just felt incredibly sad. the day care teacher was kissing him and making him laugh, and I felt so jealous. she does this every morning, and I'm usually OK with it, thinking that he loves her and she takes good care of him. but, I don't know, this morning I just had such a hard time with it.

do these kinds of feelings come and go? or am I having a relapse. sigh.

[Anonymous]

I think it comes and goes. Some days I am okay with leaving my DS, whereas other days it nearly breaks my heart and I want to run back in there and scoop him up and squeeze him and kiss him. And I don't find that this corresponds in any way with his mood when I'm dropping him off. I think these feelings are totally normal - try to focus on the fact that his daycare provider does love your son and he is happy there... I can't imagine how hard it would be if you didn't feel 100% confident in the care that you leave him with.

I deal with days like this by looking at my pictures of DS more often, trying to break out early to pick him up, and hugging and kissing him until he's annoyed with me!

[Anonymous]

They do come and go. My dd is very attached to her provider and I sometimes feel awful about it! But, then I remind myself that one can never have enough love - and it's incredibly special when that love comes from a person that doesn't HAVE to love you!

On the other hand, if you are having a hard time at work and feel depressed, then maybe you should consider staying home or going part time. Just a thought - I'm not advocating for all moms to leave their jobs because they miss their kid(s). We all miss our kids!

[Anonymous]

I have two kids at daycare - the oldest has been there for 3 years. Yes, these emotions come and go. I had my biggest breakdown when my oldest was about 2 - she had been going since she was 4 months old. One day the center's director called to tell me that DD hit her head, but was ok and that she was sitting in her (the Director's office) with several teachers all were giving her hugs and kisses and that she was happy. I burst into tears when I hung up the phone - it wasn't that she hurt herself that made me cry rather that she was being comforted by others and I was not there to do it myself.

[Anonymous]

it will come back often, even when they are bigger. i felt so bad recently leaving my 3yo, he was so shy, just standing there not knowing where to go. he is very social and loves his daycare but it takes him a few mins to get comfy in the am. i cried, even knowing all of this!

[Anonymous]

Feeling jealous of the provider was the one thing I was not prepared for as a working mom. I was prepared for being so busy, the exhaustion, the fear of how well my child would be taken care of, but not the jealousy. Honestly, some days I feel as if I have given the best part of my motherhood away to another woman. For me, it is better on some days than others, but it has never gotten better in general or gone away. I feel like this is the dirty little secret of working motherhood that nobody tells you about...that for a period of time during the day, someone else is being the "mother" that you wish you could be. Some people handle it better than others, but most working moms I know suffer this to a certain extent. I know a couple moms who were driven to quit by it, too. So don't feel like you're alone...it's hard to watch your baby get so attached to another person in a way that you feel should be reserved for you. I'm right here with you. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

OP here... thanks, everyone. it's definitely a hard road, especially since I really only get an hour with him at night (spent bathing, feeding and getting ready for bed). then, he zonks out. don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be at work, and we can't afford for me to go part time, anyway. it's just hard, sometimes.