How often do you go out with other couples/friends?

[Anonymous]

I am curious to know if DH and I are in the norm or if we are just big losers. We've lived in the DC area for about 12 years now and have two toddlers. Most of our good friends (really mine, DH has no good friends in the area - socially inept!) are couples who live in VA (we live in MoCo) or singles who live in DC. We see them maybe 6 times a year - either for dinner parties or I go out with the girls. Other than that we might have dinner a few times a year with other families who have kids that are friends with our kids. But that's it. We never go out to restaurants with other couples. We never get invited out by others and have never been invited to a dinner party hosted by people we know, but not very well. Most weekends we stay in.

I tell myself that we don't entertain much ourselves because of limited finances and us being two working parents who are tired on weekends and want to spend time with the kids. We also just don't have a lot of close friends. We are very friendly with many neighbors but have never hung out with any except for playdates with the kids. Obviously, if you don't entertain yourselves, you are not going to get invites out. Do you have a lot of dinner parties or get invited to them? Or, do you go out with other couples, even those you don't know all that well? I guess I am wondering if I make the effort, will others reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

I don't think that you need to have dinner parties in order to get invited out more. But, it sometimes takes a few times of making the effort before others start to take over -- especially if it's not someone you're that close with yet. My husband loves to go out with other couples and hates spending weekends at home so he motivates me to make plans with friends for us and either take our 16 month old or get a sitter. I'll either drop an email or call a few couples and see if anyone is interested in going to dinner. We rarely have people over because we live out in Montgomery County and a lot of our friends live in DC or VA so it's a hike. I'm also willing to drive so I'll meet friends in Tysons or Arlington or DC even if it means a little extra time. I guess what I'm trying to say is, keep making an effort to invite people to go out with you and eventually they'll reciprocate. But, with 2 toddlers, most people don't expect dinner parties!

[Anonymous]

We're losers, too! (just kidding). We don't have many friends with kids so we don't do a whole lot. We have a 19 month old and prefer to take her where we go since we don't want to keep paying $12/hr for a sitter. I also live in (Bethesda) Montgomery County and most of our friends live at least a 20 minute drive away.

I wish we could meet more parents, but no luck. We probably go out about once a month or less. I am going to take the initiative and host a dinner part (see my post in the off topic forum for easy dinners).

[Anonymous]

you sound exactly like DH and me. We had been in this area for years but once we had kids, we saw our friends less and less.

one of our good friends started a "dinner club". It is four couples and all of their respective kids under age 6. (we each have two kids now and one is about to have 3.) Every month, we take turns having dinner at each other's houses, starting at 5pm at someones's house. It runs from on a Saturday from 5- 8pm. The funny thing is, it is the only event I go to where my child is completely occupied with other kids his age and I can actually talk to my old friends.

Part of the success of this idea is that: we keep it low key for dinner options, it is serve yourself, buffet style, eat what you want. We have also ordered in food in the past. We get together kinda early for a real "dinner party" but it is the perfect time for people with young kids. Also it is all people we knew from before we had kids, but we had stopped seeing very often.

You could start the dinner club idea and see if people are receptive? I think people want to get together but by the time they think of it, it's too late to ask people, and restaurants are too unruly with a crowd like we have now.

good luck. I feel like, my life will never be as social/downtown as it was before, but I have different kinds of social events now (kids birthday parties instead of dance clubs, etc.)

[Anonymous]

We go through phases... sometimes there will be a month where we socialize every weekend (dinner parties at our house, bigger stand-around-and-drink things at friends'), and then we'll go a month or more without seeing anyone. I have three close female friends, and I try to get out with them for an after-work drink at lease once a month. My husband does not seem to need as much social contact as I do, and he's always happy to stay home with the baby while I'm out. Or sometimes, a friend or two will come over in the evening, and we'll hang out in our sweats, eat takeout and drink a giant bottle of wine after the baby is in bed.

I love the idea of a dinner club, but very few of our friends have children. I think that something like the PPs arrangement, where the kids entertain each other, would be a great arrangement.

For what it's worth, winter is usually our more active season. I find it very satisfying to fill the house with warmth and good cooking smells on a cold, wet Saturday. It's less appealing to spend a gorgeous spring or summer afternoon cooped up, cleaning the house and cooking. We live right in the city, and don't do much outdoorsy stuff, so we haven't ever done picnics or playdates in the park. Maybe when our child is older...

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. We rarely go out with other couples. I go out a lot with my girlfriends and my husband and I have date nights fairly often, but don't meet up with couples much at all. Part of the problem I think is that of our few couple friends, most don't have/can't afford sitters. I have two toddlers also, so entertaining at my house is just too hard to do.
The other thing I've found is that it's hard to make couple friends. I have no problem meeting girlfriends but it's tough for me to find a couple where my DH clicks with the husband, and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the input. I too love the idea of a Supper Club.

One problem we have - like 14:43's is my DH clicking with the other husband. I'm by far the more sociable one in the relationship so this is hard for me. He's a combination of shy and judgmental (a not so endearing trait that I really only clued into recently) - so it takes a while before he is truly comfortable with others, esp. other men. I'm definitely going to try to make more of an effort.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my husband! I have friends from all walks of life (he doesn't care for most of them). he has a few "friends" that he rarely hangs out with. I wish he was more sociable! We rarely do anything and I feel guilty going oput with my friends.

[Anonymous]

This used to be us when our kids were very young (and we found that the supper club thing worked great, too) but once they are in school, at least Kindergarten, things will change. We have a great social life now, as good or better than in our late 20s when we had no kids. If you pick the right school for your family you will probably find lots of new parent friends who you really like and who's kids are friends with your kids. I think its a pretty common happening amongst parents once we all get out of the diapering years.

[Anonymous]

We've lived here for a long time (since we both were teenagers) and have a wide circle of friends. We entertain a lot, and go out with other couples or have people over every weekend. Actually, sometimes I long for a quiet weekend, but between our friends, family, kids' friends, neighbors, and work friends, our calendar is full! My suggestion would be to invite people over. Even if you just do some mac and cheese for the kids and get a roast chicken, some wine and salad, people will enjoy themselves if the company is good. If you don't have friends who you know well enough to invite them over, volunteer, host a neighborhood potluck, meet your kids' friends' parents, join a church or country club (if you can swing it financially).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my husband! I have friends from all walks of life (he doesn't care for most of them). he has a few "friends" that he rarely hangs out with. I wish he was more sociable! We rarely do anything and I feel guilty going oput with my friends.

Are we married to the same guy? My husband says that real men don't like to seem too eager and be overly friendly. And that real men initially don't like other guys.

[Anonymous]

I get together probably twice a month or more with friends on the weekend. But, mostly it's at my house because I have the most childproof house of all of my friends (and the most kids!). As far as the expense, we've gotten to the point where mostly everything is potluck unless I am hosting a real party, like for a birthday or a holiday. I probably still bear the brunt of the expense, but then I don't have to drive.

[Anonymous]

Still remember the last time I went out w/ another couple and our kids...it was around last x-mas, it was NOT that much fun w/ 4 toddlers acting crazy (mostly mine kids).

Do the girls dinner get together exactly 3 times a year and the rest is for kids b-day parties (as least 10 for friends and family and about 6 preschool friends).

I have one friend that invite us to their house 2-3 times and I return the favor at least one time a year. Her house is very kids friendly and I try to keep ours that way too and I am grateful to have that.

I plan to do more but it is always easier to think about it then actually doing it...some people are just natural at it, to me it takes a lot of work and it is never as fun!

Glad to hear so many hubbies are the same as mine. I used to think he was a little weird but I guess he is on the normal side

[Anonymous]

Maybe we should all get together - separate the wives from the husbands - the ladies could have fun chatting and see what happens to all of the husbands stuck in a room with one another!

[Anonymous]

I am all for getting together with like-minded women who think their husbands need some help in the social skills department! If there is interest - I'd be thrilled to put something together.

Signed,

A wife who doesn't go out enough!