supporting sister's battle with infertility
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Anonymous
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My sister is going through a terrible battle with infertility. Losses, cancelled cycles, faulty pregnancy tests, miscarriages, failed attempt after failed attempt. She is so low right now, and I am too (on her behalf). Does anyone have suggestions for how I can support her through this? I know the obvious idiotic stuff like not to suggest adoption or say bad things happen for a reason or tell her about xx friend who struggled with infertility than had triplets. At the same time I often find myself needing to extract myself from her situation because I get so depressed and angry at the world on her behalf. Anyway not to make this about me. How can I help her? What does she need from me?
Thanks. |
Anonymous
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Awe, sounds like you are one great sister! Infertility is tough and whatever you do, please don't say to her that you understand. While you may deeply empathize with her struggle, what she is going through is pretty horrific. I think just being there for her (as you seem to be doing now) is wonderful. Every now and then ask her how she is doing, if she's not the type of person to bring it up on her own.
Infertility is heart-breaking and so unfair...thank you for being there for her...that's most likely all she needs. (Unless you win the lotto and can help with some of the financial stress!) 
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Anonymous
OP here. Thanks. That's really helpful. I think I have said I understand before and you are right, that probably isn't helpful to her to hear. |
Anonymous
| Unfortunately there isn't much you can do other than to be understanding of her feelings and not judgmental (which you are already doing). For me the only person other than my husband who knew about my fertility struggles was my mother and she was not understanding at all and was pretty critical of my feelings, etc. That was really hard for me to take. You sound like a great sister. One other thing that can help is doing things with her to help take her mind off of it. |
Anonymous
| Also helpful for me was a sisterly "this really blows" and some cocktails. (And NO TALK about her kids). |
Anonymous
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I'll chime in on this. I'd say just stick with empathizing and support (this sucks, I'm sorry this is happening to you, I love you) and back off of any advice giving or attempts to "fix" the situation for her (don't say things like "at least you don't" or pain comparing with people who are worse off). There's a balance of letting her be upset and grieve with trying to lift her spirits. Right after bad news, she most likely just wants empathy about how shitty things are and how much it sucks. After bad news has sunk in, she might be more open to attempts to lift her spirits and jokes.
My other suggestion is to ask *her* how she wants to be supported and for tips how you can help. She might now always know, but she can probably give you a general idea. The fact that you are even asking this question means you are doing lots of things right. Good luck to you both! |
Anonymous
| Prayer. |