Worried about my husband and children's financial security if I die

[Anonymous]

My DH is just really not skilled at managing money. He grew up poor while I grew up middle class and by the time that we married in our early 30s, he was just scraping by while I had built up a nest egg of about $100K. We have been married for 10 years and during this time, I have pretty much been the sole breadwinner and manage our investments (retirement, savings, education, etc...). I make about $130K, so we are okay financially, but DH's approach to money really has me worried. Because we have money in the bank, he doesn't ever think about how much something costs or seem to be able to put costs into context. He doesn't look at price tags in stores. Racks up $100s in phone bills every month (calling friends and family who live overseas). Buys a new laptop and a new phone at least once a year. And then the recent kicker: Decided to take a $7K trip to visit family without even considering that we should maybe think about whether we can afford it. To be fair, I should say that overall, it is not that the amount of money that he spends is outrageous, as he has pretty limited interests, it is more the fact that he just doesn't bother to consider what anything costs. And he doesn't worry about saving or planning for the future.

So this is frustrating for me day-to-day (I am a pretty conservative spender), but my real concern is what would happen if I died. My DH does not work right now and his job prospects are pretty limited (he doesn't have a college degree). I have a reasonable amount of life insurance and a healthy 401K, but I really don't know what he would do if he suddenly had all of this cash at hand. That money, along with our assets (cash and otherwise), would need to get the kids through college and my DH for the rest of his life. He would need to be really conservative and I just don't see that happening. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to buy a new house or an expensive car, just because he had the money.

So what do I do? I feel like I need to set up a will that leaves a substantial amount of assets to a trust for my children, to be managed by somebody else, but that seems like a terrible thing to even consider.

[Anonymous]

It's not a terrible thing to consider. It's clearly necessary.

[Anonymous]

Do a trust, make somebody else the trustee, and buy lots of life insurance with the trust as owner and beneficiary. Maybe stipulate that any home purchased with trust funds cannot hold a mortgage. That way, he cant get behind on that. Stipulate certain funds go to a college fund. Stipulate certain funds for your children when they reach a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do a trust, make somebody else the trustee, and buy lots of life insurance with the trust as owner and beneficiary. Maybe stipulate that any home purchased with trust funds cannot hold a mortgage. That way, he cant get behind on that. Stipulate certain funds go to a college fund. Stipulate certain funds for your children when they reach a certain age.

This. Is there a member of YOUR family that could manage this competently? You can approach this with DH's support by simply explaining that the both of you could go under the same bus and the kids need to be protected. No big deal, nothing "awful" about it. Responsible parenting.

Off you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a terrible thing to consider. It's clearly necessary.

+1

[Anonymous]

this is less about life insurance, what if I die, and more about you as a team managing your family money.

I think marital counseling is in order. Particularly if you've talked about this in the past and it remains a sticking point.

I am the "spender" in our relationship and DH is the "saver". That said I would never go buy 7k of anything without consulting DH. Ditto a laptop.

Maybe something like Financial Peace university? Our you both see a fee-only financial planner? (www.napfa.org) But you really want to get to the heart of respecting each other's styles and money goals, and it doesn't sound like that's happening here.

[Anonymous]

Why does every woman here seem to have immature, dumb, lazy, uncaring. mean, good for nothing, neanderthal husbands ?

Just curious.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I know that I have a book somewhere that talks about setting us trusts; I probably need to pull that out again.

15:52 I totally hear what you are saying and you are right that this is an issue that we should work out, but we haven't been able to and I am starting to get scared (maybe because I just reached the age that my father was when he died). Can I ask you a question about the fee-only finanical planner? I have been on napfa.org and looked at some of the finanicial planning businesses, but they seem to be indicating long term arrangements (for examle, quoting annual fees). Is it possible to meet with them for a consultation and assistance with establishing a plan. I don't think that our HHI justifies having an ongoing financial planner.

16:02: Wow. I don't think that I said any of those things about my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does every woman here seem to have immature, dumb, lazy, uncaring. mean, good for nothing, neanderthal husbands ?

Just curious.

Congratulations, you win Obvious Projection of the Week!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does every woman here seem to have immature, dumb, lazy, uncaring. mean, good for nothing, neanderthal husbands ?

Just curious.

Congratulations, you win Obvious Projection of the Week!

I thought it was pretty funny, actually. Hope OP gets sorted out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is just really not skilled at managing money. He grew up poor while I grew up middle class and by the time that we married in our early 30s, he was just scraping by while I had built up a nest egg of about $100K. We have been married for 10 years and during this time, I have pretty much been the sole breadwinner and manage our investments (retirement, savings, education, etc...). I make about $130K, so we are okay financially, but DH's approach to money really has me worried. Because we have money in the bank, he doesn't ever think about how much something costs or seem to be able to put costs into context. He doesn't look at price tags in stores. Racks up $100s in phone bills every month (calling friends and family who live overseas). Buys a new laptop and a new phone at least once a year. And then the recent kicker: Decided to take a $7K trip to visit family without even considering that we should maybe think about whether we can afford it. To be fair, I should say that overall, it is not that the amount of money that he spends is outrageous, as he has pretty limited interests, it is more the fact that he just doesn't bother to consider what anything costs. And he doesn't worry about saving or planning for the future.

So this is frustrating for me day-to-day (I am a pretty conservative spender), but my real concern is what would happen if I died. My DH does not work right now and his job prospects are pretty limited (he doesn't have a college degree). I have a reasonable amount of life insurance and a healthy 401K, but I really don't know what he would do if he suddenly had all of this cash at hand. That money, along with our assets (cash and otherwise), would need to get the kids through college and my DH for the rest of his life. He would need to be really conservative and I just don't see that happening. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to buy a new house or an expensive car, just because he had the money.

So what do I do? I feel like I need to set up a will that leaves a substantial amount of assets to a trust for my children, to be managed by somebody else, but that seems like a terrible thing to even consider.

Why on earth would you think you have to provide for your DH for the rest of his life if you were to die young????

[Anonymous]

Sounds like DG would blow the Social Security Survivors' benefits checks. Not sure how to protect those, but worth checking out.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a complete loser. You married a loser who doesn't work, spends a lot of money, and has no education and you are just now worried about this? Just hope he dies first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is just really not skilled at managing money. He grew up poor while I grew up middle class and by the time that we married in our early 30s, he was just scraping by while I had built up a nest egg of about $100K. We have been married for 10 years and during this time, I have pretty much been the sole breadwinner and manage our investments (retirement, savings, education, etc...). I make about $130K, so we are okay financially, but DH's approach to money really has me worried. Because we have money in the bank, he doesn't ever think about how much something costs or seem to be able to put costs into context. He doesn't look at price tags in stores. Racks up $100s in phone bills every month (calling friends and family who live overseas). Buys a new laptop and a new phone at least once a year. And then the recent kicker: Decided to take a $7K trip to visit family without even considering that we should maybe think about whether we can afford it. To be fair, I should say that overall, it is not that the amount of money that he spends is outrageous, as he has pretty limited interests, it is more the fact that he just doesn't bother to consider what anything costs. And he doesn't worry about saving or planning for the future.

So this is frustrating for me day-to-day (I am a pretty conservative spender), but my real concern is what would happen if I died. My DH does not work right now and his job prospects are pretty limited (he doesn't have a college degree). I have a reasonable amount of life insurance and a healthy 401K, but I really don't know what he would do if he suddenly had all of this cash at hand. That money, along with our assets (cash and otherwise), would need to get the kids through college and my DH for the rest of his life. He would need to be really conservative and I just don't see that happening. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to buy a new house or an expensive car, just because he had the money.

So what do I do? I feel like I need to set up a will that leaves a substantial amount of assets to a trust for my children, to be managed by somebody else, but that seems like a terrible thing to even consider.

Why on earth would you think you have to provide for your DH for the rest of his life if you were to die young????

OP here. Is that really so unusual? That I would want DH to be financially secure if I were to die young? I would want this for him, as well as for my children when they are adults. I have friends who have parents or in-laws that have serious financial struggles and that is a tough situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is just really not skilled at managing money. He grew up poor while I grew up middle class and by the time that we married in our early 30s, he was just scraping by while I had built up a nest egg of about $100K. We have been married for 10 years and during this time, I have pretty much been the sole breadwinner and manage our investments (retirement, savings, education, etc...). I make about $130K, so we are okay financially, but DH's approach to money really has me worried. Because we have money in the bank, he doesn't ever think about how much something costs or seem to be able to put costs into context. He doesn't look at price tags in stores. Racks up $100s in phone bills every month (calling friends and family who live overseas). Buys a new laptop and a new phone at least once a year. And then the recent kicker: Decided to take a $7K trip to visit family without even considering that we should maybe think about whether we can afford it. To be fair, I should say that overall, it is not that the amount of money that he spends is outrageous, as he has pretty limited interests, it is more the fact that he just doesn't bother to consider what anything costs. And he doesn't worry about saving or planning for the future.

So this is frustrating for me day-to-day (I am a pretty conservative spender), but my real concern is what would happen if I died. My DH does not work right now and his job prospects are pretty limited (he doesn't have a college degree). I have a reasonable amount of life insurance and a healthy 401K, but I really don't know what he would do if he suddenly had all of this cash at hand. That money, along with our assets (cash and otherwise), would need to get the kids through college and my DH for the rest of his life. He would need to be really conservative and I just don't see that happening. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to buy a new house or an expensive car, just because he had the money.

So what do I do? I feel like I need to set up a will that leaves a substantial amount of assets to a trust for my children, to be managed by somebody else, but that seems like a terrible thing to even consider.

Why on earth would you think you have to provide for your DH for the rest of his life if you were to die young????

OP here. Is that really so unusual? That I would want DH to be financially secure if I were to die young? I would want this for him, as well as for my children when they are adults. I have friends who have parents or in-laws that have serious financial struggles and that is a tough situation.

How does it feel to be a sugar momma?