Pathetic sorry for myself rant

[Anonymous]

Sooo...here's my past year in a nutshell:

1 year ago this week - D&C - lost twins
Multiple losses before and after that - twins were first hearbeats though and only D&C
Finally pregnant starting in late April...found out of course in May. I thought OK finally, here we go - good stuff!

August - find out my husband is in the midst of a *major* health crisis. This news just took my breath away.

Also, I have hyperemesis. the stress of this has added to that and I am still (at 7 months) puking every day. Even medicated.

He doesn't want me to stress so keeps making light of things that are NOT - such as two surgeries, one of which was very invasive and created a very difficult recovery. I had no help b/c he thought it'd be "nothing" and then was helpless for days while I ran up and down stairs to fetch things. All the while, puking up a lung. I did try to get help but it was the middle of the week, family is out of town, etc etc.

Today it happened again - medical test that was "no big deal" turned into me having to rush to the hospital to pick him up b/c it WAS a big deal.

I just got home and as I walked around making calls I found myself in the "baby's room" which consists right now of boxes and boxes of equipment and other medical supplies related to what is going on with him. I know the baby will be with us for a while in our room but damn if that didn't make me just want to ball my eyes out. I just feel like I have the crappiest luck.

People who don't know ask me seemingly harmless questions "Is it twins?" "is your husband excited?" "is the room ready" and I am starting to feel like I am losing it. I know I need to make a therapy appt but just needed somewhere to vent and whine right now.

Sigh. Thanks. I am not looking for specific advise but feel free to leave it...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a tough spell, and I feel for you. If you belong to a church or synagogue, can you reach out and ask for help? People often want very much to help others in their community, even if they don't know them personally, and will jump at the opportunity. There are few things that make one feel as good about oneself as bringing over a hot meal or doing an errand for a family that is going through health challenges and tough times like you are.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. We don't belong to a church or synagogue. We do have great friends but I feel like I've asked for too much already. I know that is my issue but don't know how to fix it.

I also feel mad - mad at him (irrationally), mad at myself - for when I don't eat right or when I don't handle all of this well. Mad that I put off having kids forever b/c I thought I wasn't ready and now here I am proving that "you're never ready" I guess.

Like I said, good time for a therapy appt.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. Big hugs for you.

[Anonymous]

If your friends are indeed great, they want to help you in a time like this. You really need some real-life support and practical help (as I'm sure you know), though venting here and seeing your therapist should be helpful too!

Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for (or hire!) some help, OP. You deserve it. I hope things get better.

And if you're not OP -- stop and think whether there's someone like this in your life who could use a little support, a little free babysitting, a meal dropped off... really.

My husband had a coworker with several health things affecting her family at once, and he felt bad but didn't do anything because he felt awkward. And I'm a "busybody," so I looked up her address and we drove over there the first night she was home from the hospital and dropped off a meal (one that would keep well in the fridge). I was a little nervous, but what was the worst that could happen? Turned out she was SO HAPPY and grateful. So if you are feeling bad for someone, turn that into action. (I have great neighbors who have done this for me, too... so I've seen it from both sides... maybe that helps to get the cycle going.)

[Anonymous]

God, OP. Your post has stopped my whining in its tracks!

Keep relying on your friends. Things eventually will get easier and you can have a lovely party to thank them, but you just need to get through now.

[Anonymous]

many <<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>> to you, OP. you've earned the right to cry!! i do hope that things brighten up for you all soon. i wish there was something more i could do for you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies - I like the thought of someone reading this and then reaching out and helping a friend in need.

I feel better today but had a crying spell again this morning. I encouraged my husband to get some counseling on his own -- simply because I think that what he needs to help him through this, I can no longer provide, and he needs to really deal with his emotions too.

I am kinda hoping that this much drama and stress will make a newborn seem easy in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Maybe one of your friends' churches or synagogue communities could help? When my child was born with multiple disabilities and was in and out of the hospital the first few months, we didn't yet belong to a synagogue, and a friend came by with a meal and offered to get a meal chain started at her synagogue. The love and support of people who just want to help is incredibly powerful. In those first few months, sometimes the only food I could swallow was the food someone had cooked with love and brought over to us. At our synagogue, when someone is sick, a friend sets up a website at http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/ so that people can sign up to bring a meal or do an errand to help out and the family can post updates about how they are doing.

[Anonymous]

You are having a very rough year.

Be honest with your family, let them know you need some help. See if you can't plan a couple of weekends where they can come and help you get the nursery ready.

Let your Doctor know you are under a lot of stress. Take care of yourself. Try to stay hydrated.

[Anonymous]

OP - I hope you (and DH) are doing better tonight. I hope you have some time to sit down and just enjoy a few moments of your pregnancy and happy thoughts of the little one to come. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel bad about relying on your friends and just know that if they need something in the future, you will pay them back then. That's why we have friends. Make sure to let them in because they probably want to help, just as you would want to do for them!

I was in a bad place several years ago and my friends really came through for me, and while I felt guilty about it at the time, I am so much better now at helping other people in a time of crisis.