Limbo

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone --- This is mostly just a vent because I feel like this forum would understand. I'm scheduled for my first visit to Dr. Frankfurter at GW tomorrow; referred by my OB because of irregular cycles (40 days long, 8 day luteal phase, all following a miscarriage last December). My period (based on the short luteal phase) was due to start Saturday or Sunday. I started to get light spotting Sunday, but it never progressed to a real period, even for me, and has now basically dried up. I had implantation bleeding with my earlier pregnancy (which ended in miscarriage), so after initially being disappointed by the appearance of my period, was hopeful that this might be implantation bleeding again. I took a pregnancy test this morning (Wondfo) and it was negative, although it would only be about 10-11 DPO (based on Clear Blue Fertility Monitor).

So, anyway, I have all sorts of emotions, and feel like I'm in total limbo! On the one hand, I am disappointed that it looks like my period was starting and there's no BFP. On the other hand, I realize it's still early, and the spotting in lieu of a period could be implantation bleeding --- it's definitely not a normal period for me. On the other (third?) hand, I have this appointment tomorrow, which I have been waiting for for 3 months, and which is both positive and negative --- positive that I'll finally get to see him and that hopefully he will help us figure out a plan, negative that it's come to the point that I would need to see a specialist (although I know that's true for a lot of you; it's one more step in coming to terms with the fact that having a baby is not going to be easy). Add to that that if I hadn't miscarried, the baby would have been due in a week or two, and I'm a total mess! This is usually a really supportive place, so I thought I'd put my vent out there. Thanks for reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, anyway, I have all sorts of emotions, and feel like I'm in total limbo! On the one hand, I am disappointed that it looks like my period was starting and there's no BFP. On the other hand, I realize it's still early, and the spotting in lieu of a period could be implantation bleeding --- it's definitely not a normal period for me. On the other (third?) hand, I have this appointment tomorrow, which I have been waiting for for 3 months, and which is both positive and negative --- positive that I'll finally get to see him and that hopefully he will help us figure out a plan, negative that it's come to the point that I would need to see a specialist (although I know that's true for a lot of you; it's one more step in coming to terms with the fact that having a baby is not going to be easy). Add to that that if I hadn't miscarried, the baby would have been due in a week or two, and I'm a total mess! This is usually a really supportive place, so I thought I'd put my vent out there. Thanks for reading.

This forum is for "Assisted Reproductive Technology Services (ARTS). Long-term infertility issues" so most, if not all, posting here have had to see a specialist. Not really a negative if it helps you get the family you want. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here --- re the "negative" of seeing an RE. I almost didn't post that sentence because I understand that it could seem insensitive, and I'm sorry about that. I probably should have omitted it. All I meant was, we probably all hoped the path would be easier than it's been (acknowledging that some people on this forum have been on it a lot longer than I have), and for me at least there are periodic markers that it's not going to be easy (i.e. approaching the due date of my earlier pregnancy, first appointment with an RE), that bring a sense of sadness. I did not mean to suggest that seeing an RE was negative in and of itself --- obviously I'm hopeful it will be a positive step forward. It's just an emotional time.

[Anonymous]

IF is all about limbo and it sucks. I'm glad you're seeing a specialist soon and totally understand the mixed feelings. It's not exactly a lifelong dream to see an RE b/c you can't get/stay knocked up. Hang in there. Whatever is going on right now, you will be in the hands on a specialist soon.

[Anonymous]

OP I know where you're coming from. I had 4 friends have their 3rd child each in the last few months and I keep looking back at all my temp charts and thinking I should have a baby by now, that baby should be walking by now, talking by now . . . We went to a birthday party last weekend where I played with their super cute 7 month old and I was thinking "wasn't I just not drinking at your wedding last year hoping I was pregnant then?

It takes a while to get started, but once you do, it will feel better to have a plan. I just started my 2nd IUI cycle. When you do your initial Day 3 tests, ask what your ovarian reserve is and let that help you decide how much of a rush you are in.

[Anonymous]

It's tough OP. Dr. F is a great doc. You'll be in good hands and good luck.

[jindc]

Dr F doesn't want you to have to go through a difficult process to get pregnant. He will try to get you to your end goal by means other than ivf first depending on the diagnosis. You are in good hands. They aren't profit driven and want you to do what is best for your family.

Take the steps necessary to get where you want to go, no shame in it!

[Anonymous]

Wow OP....I could have written this. I also had a miscarriage in December (due date would have been this Thursday) and have my first appointment with Dr. F in August. I had my day 3 blood work done and my FSH level came back as 18. I'm 36 so this was really devastating news to receive. I pray that there is still some hope given that I likely have DOS. Good luck and know that you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Let us know how your appointment goes! Good luck!