MIL = Debbie Downer

[Anonymous]

Just returned from a family gathering at MILs house. Preteen DD was excitedly telling grandma about her very first plane trip and vacation adventures. My MIL must have interrupted DD about three times to say things like, "...and you didn't feel scared on the plane trip? See, I hate to fly!" or "Drove through that long tunnel? Gracious, I get so claustrophobic underground" Ugh. The woman just can't relate, has a narrow worldview and is just so negative. Any time my daughter gets a shot, a medical/dental procedure done, MIL gets all harpy and has to ask (repeatedly), "did you faint? Feel like you are going to throw up? I'm so frightened at the dentist's office and have to take a sedative." And on and on it goes. MIL and I have a strained, but professional type relationship - I am careful not to overshare and try to maintain boundaries. The few times I've been overtly assertive with her, MIL has gotten angry with me. DH says mom's always been this way - afraid of everything and neurotic about it. She thinks her fears and quirks are just so funny and that everyone wants to hear all about her idiosyncrasies.

So, any advice? To make matters worse, DD is the anxious type and very sensitive. It is just getting so difficult to have a normal conversation with MIL without thinking that I'll have to do psychological clean up work afterwards with DD.

MIL is hip, healthy 65ish lady and has been "dramatic" since I've known her for over 15 years, but I hate to see her negatively influence DD.

[Anonymous]

When you hear her say something "downer-ish," offset it with another comment like:

Dentist office:
"Really? Oh... well DD, I'm glad you've never had that issue!"

Long tunnel:
"She was fine... it was just like driving at night."

Airplane:
"Oh it was fine... and we're planning the next vaca now, via airplane!"

Just minimize whatever she's saying... for the sake of DD.

BTW... I think some MIL's could benefit from social skills classes. Including mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you hear her say something "downer-ish," offset it with another comment like:

Dentist office:
"Really? Oh... well DD, I'm glad you've never had that issue!"

Long tunnel:
"She was fine... it was just like driving at night."

Airplane:
"Oh it was fine... and we're planning the next vaca now, via airplane!"

Just minimize whatever she's saying... for the sake of DD.

BTW... I think some MIL's could benefit from social skills classes. Including mine.

+1

[Anonymous]

Play the wah-wah sound whenever your MIL starts her shit. It can be your private joke with DD.

[Anonymous]

I'd remind DD each time on the way to see MIL that she doesn't have to absorb other people's quirks and not to be so suggestible as to let someone else's opinion sway her. Teach DD to say things like, "It was a little scary during the turbulence but I reminded myself that flying is SO much safer than driving." and "Sometimes an experience you don't have often seems scary, but really, it's just different, not scary."

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is trying to find a way to relate with her granddaughter.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't sound like negativity to me. It sounds to me like your MIL thinks your daughter needs some building up, almost like she thinks your daughter needs more self-esteem. Maybe you could respond by saying "Larla is extremely brave, MIL."

Negativity would be if she puts down the experience directly. I think there's a difference.

[Anonymous]

23:45 -

+ 1,000,000!

MIL sounds like a PITA, maybe narcissistic, but I don't think she actually expects response or agreement. Let it go.

I agree it is absolutely exhausting trying to deal with a negative MIL.

My own MIL has never said anything nice to me or DH or DC in all the years I've known her. Yet bum SIL and her family can do no wrong. VOMIT.

[Anonymous]

+1

OMG! Are you me? My MIL thinks her lazy ass daughter walks on water. Busting ass son (my DH) does everything wrong in her eyes. ugh. still vomiting.`

[Anonymous]

I totally sympathize, OP! My MIL is a major Debbie Downer and she sucks the life out of me. I just cope by being polite and not feeding into it. When she goes into negative mode she hits a brick wall with me; I stay polite but firm on redirecting the subject or offering her cheery, positive alternatives. Gets her every time and she gives up trying to engage me in a soul-sucking negativity fest. It is depressing because it inhibits our ability to really connect but we're friendly and cordial enough. I hate her negative spin on everything and she probably can't stand that I don't engage in a good gossip with her. C'est la vie!

[Anonymous]

But it is just. so. tiring.....

[Anonymous]

13:37 - high five, sista! I wish I knew you! OMG, isn't it "in your face"? Ew.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this, too. Everything is a ficking catastrophe of epic proportions. She lives just 10 miles from us (ugh, wish it was 1000) and every time we see her, it's a crisis. If she drives to us, it's, "Oh my god the traffic was the worst ever!" if we drove, "Oh my god, how did you get here do quickly with all the traffic? Were you speeding? So and so was beheaded in a convertible while speeding, you know!"

Everything is dangerous. No one can be trusted. DH was not allowed to ride his bike in the street (a quiet cul de sac) or play any sports or sleep over anyone's house. It's utterly exhausting to be in her presence because she reacts to essentially everything we do with, "Og my god! (Panic.)". We recommend a therapist and she says they can't be trusted, meds are, of course, all a conspiracy to poison us.

I don't want my baby son growing up Ateoumd that level of misery, but my DH feels bad for her keeps inviting herz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this, too. Everything is a ficking catastrophe of epic proportions. She lives just 10 miles from us (ugh, wish it was 1000) and every time we see her, it's a crisis. If she drives to us, it's, "Oh my god the traffic was the worst ever!" if we drove, "Oh my god, how did you get here do quickly with all the traffic? Were you speeding? So and so was beheaded in a convertible while speeding, you know!"

Everything is dangerous. No one can be trusted. DH was not allowed to ride his bike in the street (a quiet cul de sac) or play any sports or sleep over anyone's house. It's utterly exhausting to be in her presence because she reacts to essentially everything we do with, "Og my god! (Panic.)". We recommend a therapist and she says they can't be trusted, meds are, of course, all a conspiracy to poison us.

I don't want my baby son growing up Ateoumd that level of misery, but my DH feels bad for her keeps inviting herz

I'm assuming she watches Fox News all day too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this, too. Everything is a ficking catastrophe of epic proportions. She lives just 10 miles from us (ugh, wish it was 1000) and every time we see her, it's a crisis. If she drives to us, it's, "Oh my god the traffic was the worst ever!" if we drove, "Oh my god, how did you get here do quickly with all the traffic? Were you speeding? So and so was beheaded in a convertible while speeding, you know!"

Everything is dangerous. No one can be trusted. DH was not allowed to ride his bike in the street (a quiet cul de sac) or play any sports or sleep over anyone's house. It's utterly exhausting to be in her presence because she reacts to essentially everything we do with, "Og my god! (Panic.)". We recommend a therapist and she says they can't be trusted, meds are, of course, all a conspiracy to poison us.

I don't want my baby son growing up Ateoumd that level of misery, but my DH feels bad for her keeps inviting herz

I'm assuming she watches Fox News all day too.

Close: Headline News all day, MSNBC all night. She leans left politically, which is a relief, but omg EVERYTHING is awful and catastrophic and the planet is going to be destroyed soon. On HLN, she watches live court footage whenever it is on. She's been obsessed with Jodi Arias, George Zimmerman, Casey Anthony, etc. auggh.