s/o Stupid snarky questions from typically developing kids...how do you handle them?

[Anonymous]

I'm not talking about request for information about my child's disorder, which I don't discourage, and I have my own routine way of handling without any problem.

I'm talking about snarky questions asked in a certain tone of voice...mean girl type stuff...not requests for information, but put-downs posing as questions about her condition and behavior.

How do you handle this?

[Anonymous]

Can you give an example or two OP? Not sure what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Okay, example from today. The tone and attitude was part of it so I hope it makes sense.

A child DC's age comes up to us poolside, very abruptly.

Child: "Is she sleeping?"
Me: [surprised] No, she's not sleeping. [she was very obviously not sleeping]
Child: Then why are you rocking her?

Child then runs away, joins friends, giggles.

[Anonymous]

By the way, my thoughts were as follows:

1. This child is genuinely curious about my daughter's condition but doesn't know how to ask in a nice way.
2. This child needs a smack (just joking)
3. I would like to march over to this child's parents and tell them what just happened because she's really rude.
4. I'm overreacting.

[Anonymous]

How old are the children involved? Are they kids you know/know their parents/see regularly?

I'm sorry, OP. it sounds really hard, even if they are kids who don't know how hurtful they're being.

[Anonymous]

All the kids including my child are around 7 but my child looks much younger. I recognize the other kids and parents but don't know them.

[Anonymous]

Ugh! That's horrible and a horrible feeling.
Is your child aware and feel upset that the girls were being mean to her?

I'm honestly not sure how to think about it and/or react myself.

Something similar did happen to me and ds4. We were at a local chick-fil-a and ds was repeating the GPS over and over and he goes around the other kids in circles, giggling b/c he doesn't know how to initiate even though he really wants to.

Another boy (5 yrs old) says, "why does he keep repeating that?" In that snarky tone you're referring to.

I shrugged and said, "I don't know. B/c he thinks its fun and he's having fun." He asked again, I repeated the same answer. And I looked at the boy straight on. I think my tone was a little bit sassy and daring, you know?

I tried to call out to my son for him to follow me as I climbed up the play area. The other boys there (7, 3, 2) were impressed that a mom would climb up there. lol. It kind of took tension off the fact of how goofy my son was being. Just commiserating I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, example from today. The tone and attitude was part of it so I hope it makes sense.

A child DC's age comes up to us poolside, very abruptly.

Child: "Is she sleeping?"
Me: [surprised] No, she's not sleeping. [she was very obviously not sleeping]
Child: Then why are you rocking her?

Child then runs away, joins friends, giggles.

I think it's okay to call kids out on this type of behavior. If she came by again, I'd say: "I noticed that you ran away and giggled with your friends after asking me a question about my daughter. That was rude. If you have a question, then ask in a polite way. If I can answer it, then I will. I know you want to be treated respectfully and so does my family."

--Mom of a 7 & 11 year old

[Anonymous]

OP here. It makes me wonder what gets said when we are not around.

[Anonymous]

OP -- i get a version of comments from kids from time to time, bc my SN kid has a typically developing older sibling.

To me, they are less bothersome than comments from adults -- because kids are uncomfortable, immature, cant be expected to act the way a grown up should.

I have no problem though calling out my NT child's friends and telling them their behaviour is not appropriate -- not in a mean way, but just letting them know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It makes me wonder what gets said when we are not around.

You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's okay to call kids out on this type of behavior. If she came by again, I'd say: "I noticed that you ran away and giggled with your friends after asking me a question about my daughter. That was rude. If you have a question, then ask in a polite way. If I can answer it, then I will. I know you want to be treated respectfully and so does my family."

--Mom of a 7 & 11 year old

If the girl comes back and you say to the her, "That was rude" then you'll get your point across. Of course once she's been criticized (albeit deservedly), the girl's chances of coming back to ask a polite question will be slim to none.

In a perfect world, if the girl came back, you could catch her attention, then turn the conversation around to the type of conversation you have when children ask well-meaning questions. It may be impossible to draw her in, but if you can, questions work better than statements, because they keep the conversation going. "What's your name?" "Who are you here at the pool with?" "That was funny when you asked if DC was sleeping. You knew she wasn't sleeping, didn't you?" "Have you ever met someone your age who still likes to be rocked sometimes?" "What do you do when you want to relax?" "Did you know that you hurt DD's feelings when you ran away?" "Would you like to meet DD?" I'm not in your situation so maybe my example questions aren't too good, but I hope it gives you an idea. You only have a few seconds to get your point across, whatever it is.

Some of how you handle it depends on the age of your child and the snarky child.

It's impossible to be on guard all the time, so you can't catch all these conversations before they turn south.