How do you make staying at home work?
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Anonymous
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Hi! I have a 13 month old daughter and returned to work after a 3 month ML last fall. While I wasn't thrilled about going back to work, we found an awesome nanny share (on these boards!) and love, love, love our nanny.
As time has passed and my daughter has gotten older, my desire to stay home has increased exponentially. For what it's worth- I'm not really into my job. I know that staying home isn't sunshine and roses, but it's a "sacrifice" that I'm willing to make... I just feel like I won't get this time back with my daughter. The issue that we run into is, of course, financial. My husband has an excellent job, but we have a hefty mortgage and other debt. In doing the math, once we cut out the nanny, dog walker, maid, etc we are only coming up short by about $700/month. I work in government contracting and am just afraid that being out of the workforce for 5+ years (we are looking to add baby number two in the next year or two) is going to mean that a career that has never really taken off (I'm young- 28) will never leave the ground. Obviously, there are a lot of unknowns- who knows if I'd even want to go back to work once the kids are schoolaged? I also don't want to stay at home and not be able to vacation, go out to dinner, etc. In that line of thought, does anyone have ideas about how to make a little extra money on the side? We live two blocks from an elementary school, so I've thought about advertising for a few hours of before/after school care during the school year. I don't need to make a TON of money, but I'd like to be able to contribute a bit while still having the time with my daughter that I so desperately want. I know there's got to be a way to make this work without stretching ourselves so thin financially. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
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I think you could definitely do some before/after care, but I am not sure that you will make 700/mo that way unless you make it more of a full (or half) day thing.
One caution is that you will spend more many as a sahm than you expect. You will want to do classes like Gymboree, music together, etc, and you will want to go to lunch with your mom friends, that kind of thing. I can also pretty much guarantee you will still need your cleaning lady. I tried to stay home in a similar financial situation (a bit better) than you and it was just too tight. Any joy I felt about being home was totally wiped away bya nagging worry about money. I had to really watch everything I spent and it was just too much for me. Ultimately I went back to a salaried PT position where I work two days per week. It is perfect! Great balance of being at home vs working, keeps my résumé current, I can still outsource things like the cleaning lady, and we still have some fun money. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for the reply- that's my biggest worry. I don't want to go to Target and not be able to spend $50 and that may be a reality. We do have an $800/month student loan that will be paid off next month, so essentially we'll start "breaking even" but at the end of the day, I just don't want to be working anymore. Working PT sounds like a great option but I'm just not sure if that's a possiblity in my line of work... |
Anonymous
Let me just piggyback on here since you said you might not want to return to work when kids hit school age. Even if you don't need any sort of daycare, expenses rise when kids hit school. Some of it is activities. But some is school related expenses. I didn't stay home that long, but like the PP, I found that the costs were more than I expected. |
Anonymous
| Lots of people change careers or go back to school in their thirties and their new careers take off. the same can be true from going back after a hiatus. You may not go back at the same level you left at and have to work your way up again but you can still have a very successful 20 yr career that starts in your thirties or even forties. |
Anonymous
| Read "The 2 Income Trap" - I'll never understand the need for a "big" house that most likely comes with a big mortgage!!! Life circumstances change, and everyone should plan ahead, for any event really. Get rid of your big mortgage payment and you'll be able to have more choices in life. I hate being so blunt, but "I have a big mortgage payment" is so prevelant that it needs to be addressed. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I get it about the big mortgage payment. But I'm here to say there's nothing "big" about my house (built in 1940) other than the payment that comes with living in the City of Alexandria. My husband bought the house before we met- we have about 100k in equity but after realtors fees, we're looking at about a 45k profit. You do the math. Where in this area can you buy a 3 bedroom house for 200k? Our house now is 1600 sq/ft and with one baby we are busting at the seams. My husband would take a huge pay cut (he's in the engineering field) if we were move to a cheaper market. Our house is an investment. And if we moved futher south or west, my husband would have a hellacious commute and we'd never see him... again, asking what other SAHMs have done to supplment income to make some extra $$... |
Anonymous
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I actually think the before/after care idea is brilliant. Find out how much the school charges and underscore a bit.
I am a sahm and I do some work in my field in the evenings after the kids go to bed. It's not bringing in a lot, but I sill have my foot in the door and not as big of a gap in my résumé. |
Anonymous
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$700/month short - this might not take into account EVERYTHING - like
- Veterinary bills? - Doctor Copays/Dental/Prescriptions - Home Depot/Decor - Movie Rentals - CVS - Gifts - ATM - Work lunches/Starbucks Etc. You should sign up with www.mint.com, categorize all your transactions for the last 2 months, and then see how much you really spend per month on things. If you still come up $700/mo short, you should keep your job. |
Anonymous
Did you see my budget thread? You should do mint.com, then post your budget so we can see where you are really at. Maybe you can cut cable (buy an antenna and a Roku box), cut the gym, a land line, a car payment and use just 1 car, switch DH's cell phone to a basic no data flip phone plan for $30/mo, cut your groceries to $130/week and eat lots of beans and rice and pasta and chicken thighs boiled or grilled, pack all of DH's lunches and never let him spend $$$ at work, sign up for Amazon Prime for the free Roku channel and the free yearlong shipping, do Amazon subscribe & Save for all of your diapers, wipes, paper towels (sparkle), and toilet tisse (Scotts). Doing all of this might save you $700+/mo |
Anonymous
| Try to live on just your husband's income for a few months and save the rest before you quit your job. |
Anonymous
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After I had my first daughter, I got into making diaper cakes and selling them on eBay. I was actually doing pretty well-- even made power seller status for three months in a row. I even use to go to Marshall's and buy items I knew I would be able to make a profit on by reselling on eBay. I also had a debit card that was linked to my Paypal account so I could easily access that money. I used it for clothes make up , stuff for my daughter.
If you do stay home, you will learn (and get use to) not spending money the way you did when you worked . It'll take time and it will be hard at first but it will get easier. |
Anonymous
So her DH suffers - seriously, what professional adult doesn't have a smartphone? And don't "let" him spend money he earned on lunch at work? That does not a happy marriage make. |
Anonymous
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^^im the PP
By the way, the DCUM is pretty tough when it comes to stay at homes moms. For whatever reason, many of the people on here have a very negative and nasty attitude towards towards them. Just be prepared for that when you ask questions about staying at home. I had no idea when I came about this site and it was pretty upsetting to read all the hateful and nasty responses. |
Anonymous
If you live in the city of Alexandria, it's very likely you will want to move in a few years when your child becomes school-aged. So keep in mind that expense. |