Religion and grandparents

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old DS has always been very interested in religion. Lately he has been asking lots of interesting questions. My mother is visiting and something came up (she mentioned that the Boy Scouts don't allow atheists). He asked what an atheist was. She answered that it was someone who says they don't believe in a deity but they really do. I disagreed with her characterization. Them he said he didn't believe that the world was created in 7 days and she said it was but a day doesn't mean a literal day. This went on and on. It annoys me that she is answering him with her beliefs. I told him privately that I don't agree with her about everything re religion and I imagine that he is old enough to understand this. But it is still so annoying to me. Same thing with politics.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Sent send to soon. Just wondering if others have encountered this and if it's worth saying anything to her. M son will obviously encounter lots of different viewpoints it's just that she is so dogmatic and he looks up to her.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mother not to talk about religion and politics with your son, even when he asks. Tell her to refer all questions to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mother not to talk about religion and politics with your son, even when he asks. Tell her to refer all questions to you.

Really?

OP, this is the world. Your child is going to be exposed to lots of different viewpoints, and you can't shield him from ones that differ from yours. What is the point of saying anything to your mother? She is not going to change her views and all you are going to do is make her feel alienated. You have an opportunity to teach your son respect for other viewpoints by disagreeing with your mother respectfully and by engaging your son in conversations that will help him to think critically. Nothing is preventing you from sharing YOUR viewpoints with your son. But you should be prepared as he gets older that he will not agree with everything you think 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mother not to talk about religion and politics with your son, even when he asks. Tell her to refer all questions to you.

Really?

OP, this is the world. Your child is going to be exposed to lots of different viewpoints, and you can't shield him from ones that differ from yours. What is the point of saying anything to your mother? She is not going to change her views and all you are going to do is make her feel alienated. You have an opportunity to teach your son respect for other viewpoints by disagreeing with your mother respectfully and by engaging your son in conversations that will help him to think critically. Nothing is preventing you from sharing YOUR viewpoints with your son. But you should be prepared as he gets older that he will not agree with everything you think 100%.

Of course a child will and should be exposed to a multitude of ideas - that's healthy and normal. But not when a family member is doing so against the wishes of a parent - especially when they're not doing so in an objective and theoretical discussion, but more of an indoctrinating angle. To me this is less of an issue of ideological diversity, than mother/grandmother overstepping her boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I started talking to my son early on about religious beliefs. We talk about world religions and beliefs in conjunction with his school studies (this year was ancient Egypt and some Native American tribes, among others). He has a classmate who doesn't participate in Halloween festivities, and some close Muslim, Jewish and Christian friends; he has noticed that they celebrate different holidays. He has asked many questions that I answer with, "some people believe..." etc. Both my husband and I have religious family members, and my son spends a week each summer solo with his grandparents, who are very involved in their church. They bring him to their church services and functions, and I don't worry one whit about him being indoctrinated because if he has had any one thing impressed upon him over the years (he's 8), it's that he doesn't have to believe what other people believe. It's not insulting to his grandparents to not believe what they do. I want my son to come to his own conclusions through education, exposure to a wide range of beliefs, and reflection. I don't want to hide him from what other people believe so that he has no choice but to believe in what I tell him to believe.

[Anonymous]

You can't tell people what not to discuss with your son - or how it can be discussed ~ unfortunately - not because it's appropriate/or not - because it just won't work. So, unless they have too much influence raising him (spending considerable more time with him then you are), you'll have to just trust that you will be his primary teacher and your opinions/explanations will matter most.

[takoma]

How about telling your son that just as Grandma says that the seven days of creation were not literal days, and that atheists do not literally believe there is no deity, much of what Grandma says should also not be taken literally.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between not talking about your personal views and just being an ass. OP's mother is being disrespectful both to OP in not actually defining atheist and in arguing with OP's child. Believers don't get a special pass on rudeness, and it's just plain rude to argue with someone's beliefs. If OP's mother isn't capable of saying "well, I believe..." then she can be asked not to talk about it at all. It's also one thing to say, "when the Bible talks about a 'day,' I believe it's not supposed to be a literal day" and saying, "no, it's not!" to a child. OP's mother sounds pretty childish herself, too insecure to allow for anything outside her world view, including the reality that whether she personally thinks atheists are deluded, words have meanings that aren't negotiable.

Signed,
Person fed up with older people acting like petty brats and expecting a pass

[Anonymous]

takoma wrote:How about telling your son that just as Grandma says that the seven days of creation were not literal days, and that atheists do not literally believe there is no deity, much of what Grandma says should also not be taken literally.

I like that thanks. ?

I want him to be exposed. I guess I just don't like how she cuts him off and acts as if her viewpoint is the only one that is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between not talking about your personal views and just being an ass. OP's mother is being disrespectful both to OP in not actually defining atheist and in arguing with OP's child. Believers don't get a special pass on rudeness, and it's just plain rude to argue with someone's beliefs. If OP's mother isn't capable of saying "well, I believe..." then she can be asked not to talk about it at all. It's also one thing to say, "when the Bible talks about a 'day,' I believe it's not supposed to be a literal day" and saying, "no, it's not!" to a child. OP's mother sounds pretty childish herself, too insecure to allow for anything outside her world view, including the reality that whether she personally thinks atheists are deluded, words have meanings that aren't negotiable.

Signed,
Person fed up with older people acting like petty brats and expecting a pass

That is insightful. She actually is a very childish adult. OP here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between not talking about your personal views and just being an ass. OP's mother is being disrespectful both to OP in not actually defining atheist and in arguing with OP's child. Believers don't get a special pass on rudeness, and it's just plain rude to argue with someone's beliefs. If OP's mother isn't capable of saying "well, I believe..." then she can be asked not to talk about it at all. It's also one thing to say, "when the Bible talks about a 'day,' I believe it's not supposed to be a literal day" and saying, "no, it's not!" to a child. OP's mother sounds pretty childish herself, too insecure to allow for anything outside her world view, including the reality that whether she personally thinks atheists are deluded, words have meanings that aren't negotiable.

Signed,
Person fed up with older people acting like petty brats and expecting a pass

Boy, you're reading a lot into OP's post. What a hostile screed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between not talking about your personal views and just being an ass. OP's mother is being disrespectful both to OP in not actually defining atheist and in arguing with OP's child. Believers don't get a special pass on rudeness, and it's just plain rude to argue with someone's beliefs. If OP's mother isn't capable of saying "well, I believe..." then she can be asked not to talk about it at all. It's also one thing to say, "when the Bible talks about a 'day,' I believe it's not supposed to be a literal day" and saying, "no, it's not!" to a child. OP's mother sounds pretty childish herself, too insecure to allow for anything outside her world view, including the reality that whether she personally thinks atheists are deluded, words have meanings that aren't negotiable.

Signed,
Person fed up with older people acting like petty brats and expecting a pass

Boy, you're reading a lot into OP's post. What a hostile screed.

Analytical, yes. Hostile, no, unless any criticism of believers' behavior is considered hostile and therefore off-limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between not talking about your personal views and just being an ass. OP's mother is being disrespectful both to OP in not actually defining atheist and in arguing with OP's child. Believers don't get a special pass on rudeness, and it's just plain rude to argue with someone's beliefs. If OP's mother isn't capable of saying "well, I believe..." then she can be asked not to talk about it at all. It's also one thing to say, "when the Bible talks about a 'day,' I believe it's not supposed to be a literal day" and saying, "no, it's not!" to a child. OP's mother sounds pretty childish herself, too insecure to allow for anything outside her world view, including the reality that whether she personally thinks atheists are deluded, words have meanings that aren't negotiable.

Signed,
Person fed up with older people acting like petty brats and expecting a pass

Boy, you're reading a lot into OP's post. What a hostile screed.

Analytical, yes. Hostile, no, unless any criticism of believers' behavior is considered hostile and therefore off-limits.

I suppose. I think you are reading a lot into OP's post that perhaps isn't there (maybe based on your own experiences?). If OP's mother is having a conversation with her grandson and the grandson is not being raised to believe in anything, how is grandma arguing with him? Unless she is arguing with OP (which she did not indicate in her post) I think you can conclude that perhaps grandma is a bit overbearing but not that she is "arguing" with a child. I know plenty of young people who act like petty brats and plenty of old people who don't.

[Anonymous]

We have to opposite problem we are religious and my MIL is not. She is constantly saying little jabs like using God in quotation marks or saying little remarks about the leaders of my church. It's frustrating but I think we just have to deal with it.

I have gotten to the point though where I will try to steer the conversation away from religion if I feel it's heading that way. This has helped some and I think my MIL is starting to see I don't appreciate the anti church talk.