How NOT To Become Obsessed With New Job?

[Anonymous]

I have been obsessed with every job I've ever had, especially as I've had increased responsibility with each job. I set very high standards for myself and work very, very hard.

I work a lot of hours, and think about work during many of the hours I'm not working. New ideas or ways to solve problems pop into my head day and night. I think of the work itself and interactions with people at work.

I think about it when I'm with my husband, kids, family, and friends. I talk about work a lot to other people (yikes!) During bedtime routine I'm dying to check work e-mail (double yikes!). Vacations are a joke. Husband is totally fine with this behavior and never complains; he wants me to be career-oriented and make as much money as possible. Kids do complain.

Starting a new job soon, with even more responsibility.

How do I make myself stop this craziness?

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds money hungry.
Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you unhappy with your current situation? Do your accomplishments make you happy and satisfied? If you are, you may not need to change, you just may need to accept yourself for who you are.

We all need a balance between work and personal life, but that balance can be different for different people. I spent a long time berating myself for constantly checking blackberry at home, for volunteering for projects that I knew would take a lot of time, and for simply thinking about work while at the dinner table with my kids. One day my husband finally convinced me that it is OK to be who I am. I love my family dearly, but I would not feel fulfilled as a person if I did not have a challenging and rewarding career. That is just who I am. And it works for me and my family.

I'm not saying you are the same way. If you are unhappy, I suggest setting some real boundaries on yourself (do not touch the blackberry until children are in bed, commit to being home by X time X many times per week, etc.). But I urge you to consider whether it is change you need, or if it is acceptance.

[Anonymous]

You probably want to dedicate more focused time to your kids, but other that if you are happy don't change a thing. I wasn't able to balance everything and had to get a boring job with less responsibility. But sounds like you are fine.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? If you were a man you'd be praised for this. If you feel that you need more time with your kids, then carve that out. Don't stop what you're doing - the world needs people like you. But do work on being present with your kids when you are with them.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you that whenever I spend quality time with DC, I feel renewed, my productivity increases and I am ready to tackle any challenges that come my way. It's a win-win situation for both of us!

[Anonymous]

If she were a man married to me, I would be pissed to not have my husband's attention on the family for a good chunk of when he's home.

OP, you will not always have this job. You will always have your family. Put away the blackberry for three hours each night. Maybe from 6-9pm?

My DH is an attorney and he was the one who instituted the rule "no phones at the dinner table."

[Anonymous]

Hmm... Take a one week road trip to the country maybe? I am a DC attorney but I have found that I am happiest (ie can disconnect) when out in nature. Not even doing anything crazy like climbing mountains, just getting away from the city and into a scenic area. My fam

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Meant to say my extended family helps as well, as they are all nice normal people who have good jobs but devote a small amount of total time and energy to them. Life is short; focus on living a good life and being a good person!

[Anonymous]

Is it working for you? It's OK to be more obsessed with your work than 99% of the people out there if your life is the way you want it.

[Anonymous]

Therapy, meditation or religion, quick. LIfe is too short. No one is going to put your billable hours on your tombstone.