Did my SIL overreact?
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Anonymous
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Two weeks ago I saw my BIL's wife for a family event (another family member's baby shower). I stayed at SIL's house (for one night) with my other SIL (because she lives closer to the event than I do). A few days after we left she sent me an email that said it was nice to see me and that I left a pair of shoes there, should she send them. I didn't reply...I know that I should have and it was rude not too...but I didn't get to it (end of school rush, I was sick etc). A week after she sent the email she texted me about my family's plans to come up for her DD's birthday. At the time I got the text I didn't know the answer to her question. I should have sent a text back saying, "let me get back to you," I know that. I know and agree that it's rude not to reply to people so I'm not excusing that...but about six days after she sent the text she sent me another text saying,
"Hope I didn't offend you somehow when you were here. Sent an email then text last week and no reply." Then I was like...of course not, no! But I was surprised that she'd think that instead of just figuring I flaked out. It was rude, so I'm not expecting you to tell me it was okay. I know I should have written back to her sooner. If someone didn't reply to one email and one text would you think you had offended them? Or would you maybe be annoyed and think they are rude for that but just figure they didn't get to it. We've never fought or anything so I'm not sure why she'd think I would ignore her because I was offended. |
Anonymous
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Just apologize for not getting back to her sooner.
I doubt that she really thought you were mad, although it is possible, especially if she has low self-esteem. It is also possible that she wanted you to recognize that you had been rude. Which you were. So apologize (I am so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner). |
Anonymous
| No, I would not assume someone was just being rude and "flaked out" if I'd sent an email and a text a week apart, both asking specific questions, and there was no response. I'd want to ensure I hadn't offended my houseguest in some way. I think her final communication to you was overly polite and not overreacting at all. I really don't understand your post. You were in the wrong for not responding, you admit you were in the wrong and yet you're posting to blame your SIL for over-reacting? |
Anonymous
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No, she didn't overreact. You were rude, and didn't take her feelings into consideration. She sounds like a nice person who does take others' into consideration.
Really, there is no good excuse for not responding to her. Too busy? Please. It take what, 15 seconds to text back? I think I'd rather have SIL as a friend. |
Anonymous
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I don't think she's overreacting at all. She asked two specific questions (about the shoes, and about your plans) and you just ignored her. While I would have thought you were rude, I would have also wondered if I'd done something by accident to offend you when I saw you.
Your post kind of says a lot about you, and maybe you come off more brusque than you realize with people. |
Anonymous
| Please re-read your post OP and do some self reflecting about how you describe the situation makes you sound like a not so nice person. You're trying to blame your SIL? I agree with a PP, I'd rather have your SIL as a friend. |
Anonymous
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So after you stayed at her house, she sent you two messages over a two week stretch, asking is you needed something you left there, and asking about your plans to come to her kid's birthday party, and you blew her off, with no reponse, both times, her only response was:
"Hope I didn't offend you somehow when you were here. Sent an email then text last week and no reply." In what universe could this be an overreaction? If her response were any more muted, she'd be comatose. |
Anonymous
| You have time to post here, rather than reply to a text or better yet call and apologize. Stop being so self absorbed. |
Anonymous
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lol...no, I am a nice person, usually anyway! And I did apologize to her, profusely and in a text and an email back. I don't really think "overreact" is the right word. I wasn't surprised she was annoyed at me, but I was surprised she'd think she offended me and my way of handling that would be not to respond to her. But maybe she was really just trying to communicate she thought it was rude without saying that directly, which is what my friends would do if/when I didn't get back to them in a timely manner.
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Anonymous
She probably dictated this to her secretary while she did way more important things. People like OP are WAY too important and busy to be bothered with such small things. |
Anonymous
Ah yes, please continue to judge her and call her out because she went about it in a nice way. Lol PP is dead on...get over yourself. |
Anonymous
NO you've really read me all wrong! I'm not so busy, I'm so flaky. But, okay, she was right, and I was wrong. |
Anonymous
I had already done that before posting here. Right immediately after she texted me asking if I was offended. |
Anonymous
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Take this as a lesson learned and try not to be so flaky. It does come across very rude if someone asks you a specific question (especially something like..what would you like me to do with the shoes?) and you ignore them. Especially when you do it twice close together.
So try harder next time to actually respond. |
Anonymous
I will! Believe me this is the last time I don't respond to her right away! |