depressed 9 year old boy

[Anonymous]

Over the past week my son has become very sad. He can't get happy and I'm starting to worry. We have been talking to him a lot about his feelings and can not really pin point anything that triggered it. He is a very honest and promises there is nothing going on out of the norm. He has always told us in the past. I'm prone to depression and can see the signs. He has always been an anxious person but this is beyond anything I've seen before. He's withdrawing. He's keeps saying he doesn't want to be sad. He's not eating very well and we are trying to get him to sleep more thinking maybe he is really tired but I'm pretty sure it's more. In any case, I would like to get any information I can from people who have been through this. I'm assuming therapy is a good place to start. Any resources you can send my way would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Just to rule out obvious things, are you pretty sure he's not suffering from seasonal allergies or is physically battling something (strep, or some other sickness that his wiping him out and killing his appetite, etc)?

[Anonymous]

Two things: call the pediatrician and ask for advice.

And - you are not him. He is not you. Don't diagnose, and don't assume he has depression just because you did or do. (My mom always does this to me and it drives me nuts).

Give him some space.

[Anonymous]

Did school just end for him? Sometimes getting out of your routine can trigger an unexplained sadness. Try to gradually add structure to his day.

[Anonymous]

Our son, same age, is struggling with the end of the school year. He always finds transitions challenging (even good ones).

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I won't diagnose you are right. I do think the end of school is hard, it is ending tomorrow and he needs structure and more activity. I noticed it starting when his spring sport ended. Maybe that's part of it. Thanks for suggesting this. I'll work on it and keep my fingers crossed for now before calling the ped.

[Anonymous]

PP is absolutely wrong about giving him space. I have depression and waited far too long to recognize it in my DD. the two classic signs of depression are sleeping too much or too little, and eating too much or too little. Add to that his sadness, and you every reason to call the doctor ASAP. of course you aren't diagnosing him, thats for a clinician to do.

He's really suffering, that you cans see. And children his age can engage in self-harm if it becomes serious enough -- and you can't really know form looking at the surface. there is no necessary trigger, especially when its genetic.

I suspect everyone suggesting that you wait has never had a child with depression. Don;t wait. he needs help now.

[Anonymous]

Oops, i see PP suggested OP call a doctor and when she wrote to give him space, she meant to not get in his face about it. I totally agree with that. Call the doctor and don't get in his face about it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I think I will call today. It is not good. I would never get in his face but I also can sit here and watch it happen. All of you have given me good advice and suggestions. Thanks

[Anonymous]

I just went through something similar with my almost 9 year old son (a little worse since my son threatened to kill himself). I did immeditely get him into therapy (will called it his 'coach') but I think the best thing I did, for both me and him, was just kept talking to him. Not about why he was sad, nececessarily, but about things he was doing at school, what he was reading, I had him help me cook, etc. Things I might ask and do anyway, but as life gets the better of you sometimes you don't pay as much attention to the answers as you might want to or need to (especially as a single mom). I just got a little more engaged with him. Through our talks, sometimes he would express deeper thoughts about what he was feeling and postulate on why (he didn't really understand himself). I didn't try to fix him, or tell him things were okay, just listened and asked questions. It felt good and we are much closer for it.

In talking to his therapist, he said he is seeing this 'gloominess' more and more in elementry school kids, especially boys. He says he sees it a lot with sports teams, but often just at the end of something as the boys are at the verge of finding themselves as individuals, but still defining themselves as part of a group.

DS is better now, even with school ending. It's odd, but it now seems like it was some sort of phase (hormonal??). He still sees his coach, but not as often, and he's much more easy going and comfortable with himself - almost more than he was before.

Best of luck, OP, I know what you're going through!

[Anonymous]

Do you mind sharing your therapists name? Thanks so much.

[Anonymous]

The office is Columbia and Associates in Arlington. They'll work with you to find the right person for your son's personality and need. Highly recommend them.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you give us an update? I have a nine year old DS too, and I feel so bad for your son.

Also, please do not discount the value of daily exercise in cases like this. Have him run hard/ play hard every day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you give us an update? I have a nine year old DS too, and I feel so bad for your son.

Also, please do not discount the value of daily exercise in cases like this. Have him run hard/ play hard every day!

Ditto. My 9 year old son gets cranky if he does not play everyday.

He also needs to be out in the sun for sometime without sunscreen. There is a chronic lack of vitamin D in our kids which can lead to depression. New research says that we need the midday sun (instead of the morning sun as was recommended earlier) for short periods of time without putting any sunscreen, and that we should not shower for an hour after we sweat in the sun, because some oil on our skin helps us to convert and absorb the vitamin D.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all we are seeing the ped tomorrow. I will definitely ask abt vitamin D and I agree daily play is crucial.