Losing my mind over potty training
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Anonymous
| DS is almost four and has been potty trained (pee only) at preschool for six months yet at home things are a disaster. I follow a schedule--all I think about at home is when is the last time he peed--and take him regularly yet many times he won't go/fights me on it and then 10 minutes later pees on the floor. But then there are many other times when I take him and he goes like a champ and about 10% of the time he takes himself and goes, unprompted. Outside the house things are pretty good--when we do errands he has relatively few accidents and is always cooperative in bathrooms outside the house. The inconsistency is killing me. And I'm not even working on poop yet. Any advice? How do I get him to realize that the playroom floor is not a toilet? I've worked hard not to be shameful but it's almost like peeing on the floor is no big deal or even slightly funny to him. I'm making him help me clean up and I've used stickers (he's lost interest). What worked for you? |
Anonymous
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Do you think the issue may be that he is so caught up in what he is doing that he doesn't want to stop? What if you used a timer instead of telling him to go? Maybe if the "source" of requiring a potty break was something other than you, it might make him less resistant?
If he pees on the floor, does he help you clean it up? |
Anonymous
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I have NO advice, just wanted to sympathize. I'm potty-training a 4.5 year old right now who just does not connect "feeling the need" to "the pee coming out".
What about upping the bribe factor to something he is really into? Ipad time? Chocolate? Buy a toy he really wants and put it on a shelf until he goes X times in the potty? |
Anonymous
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Does he like skittles or M&Ms? Or Cheerios? Jellybeans...Give him something he likes everytime he pees in the potty. No matter if you are in the house or away. If he is successful the whole day, give him something to mark that (small), then have it go for a few days in a row, then a week.... Have him help you clean up when he has an accident. Throw a cheerio in the pot for him to aim.
We also had set times to pee. When you wake up. Before snacks and meals (wash hands too  ). When we leave the house. When they said they didn't have to go, I said, "Well, try to get the last drop out." That worked. I went through maybe a dozen phrases until that one clicked. You may have to find which one works for you.
Good luck, sometimes it takes time. Try not to get stressed out about the number of accidents. Maybe you could count the number of times he gets it right. Anything over 0 would be a good day. |
Anonymous
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My kid did this when he was 4. Never had accidents at school but was having many accidents at home. Turns out he was severely constipated and his intestine was pressing against his bladder. I know it sounds strange that constipation can cause potty issues with pee.
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Accident-Breakthrough-Solutions-Constipation/dp/076277360X/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371476281&sr=1-10&keywords=constipation Pediatrician took a x-ray and it turned out kid was full of poop. No joke, even though he was pooping every day and seemed regular. We saw Dr. Khan a gastroenterologist at Children's. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
I am honestly asking, not at all trying to be obnoxious - did the doc explain why this would result in accidents at home vs. school? Was it just because he spent less time at school? |
Anonymous
| FWIW I found that bribery with treats can be a problem. Some (not all) DC will start to only respond to treats. One mom I know ran out of treats and DC refused potty until the mom got more, so it can backfire. |
Anonymous
Yes. He was at school full time, 8:30-3:30. He withheld, did the potty dance, did not want to use the potty at school, etc. which made the problem worse. The book I posted the link to on Amazon is great. Read the comments too. Do you remember the little girl who was thrown out of preschool in MoCo for having too many accidents - made the Wash Post? Her mother, Betsy Rosenblatt, comments on the book too and goes to the pediatric urologist who wrote it. The book is completely worth getting. |
Anonymous
I would absoultely only suggest this after a doctor has confirmed that there is not a medical reason, but my son was doing something similar, and it helped to have the following discussion with him: "I'm not disappointed at you for having an accident. Everyone has accidents. But I am disappointed in you because I don't think you are trying your hardest. It is important to me that you give it your best try." It did make him put in a better effort, which I praised him for effusively. |
Anonymous
My kid also had this. Only a few accidents at school but tons at home. She was also massively constipated and dr hodges' book helped tremendously. I still don't fully understand why home and school were so different, but there you go. OP, it is worth having your child X-rayed to see if this is what is going on. Most kids with this kind of constipation still poop regularly so it can be very hard to know for sure without the X-ray. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP,
When you say he is pee trained but not poop trained, is he going in his pants? |
Anonymous
| OP here. By pee trained I mean we've had great success with keeping underpants dry. He does not poop at school but waits to get home and does it in his underwear. This is my only kid and thus it's the first time I've been through this but I understand that even for typical kids poop training comes later. We talk about poop going in the potty but I think there is a fear factor at work. Thanks for the medical info and book rec and alos the language about trying--I think that's why I'm so mad sometimes since he really does a great job when he wants to. |
Anonymous
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Have you tried a visual schedule? Or a physical timer?
(I sympathize too b/c even though my kid is potty trained, I still have to prompt him a lot and sometimes sit him on the toilet when he's being stubborn.) |
Anonymous
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We don't have pee issues, we have poop issues. To make a long story short, DS is 7, has low tone and a history of constipation. We had to re-establish his ability to 'feel' the need to go to the bathroom. It's getting better but because of the low tone and lack of sensation, he often has 'accidents' in his pants or has 'tracks'. Once we addressed the constipation, we got him on a toilet schedule. We put him on the toilet about 20 minutes after he eats (it's also written into his IEP) and he has to sit there for 5 minutes or until he poops. Since we started doing this, things have gotten a lot better but he still has 'tracks'. How do you strengthen the sphincter muscle in a low tone kid?
My advice is to read up on constipation and talk to your pediatrician. It may be there are some underlying issues. Best of luck. |