Why is this so hard?!

[Anonymous]

This should be an easy no-brainer, but for some reason it isn't!

My siblings , their families, and my family are all planning a week at the beach this summer, staying in a house.
We have agreed to a cost split, and I ended up as the liaison with the realtor.
I've covered all the payments to make sure we got them in on time.
Two of my siblings have sent their checks to me, but my youngest sibling hasn't yet. She is the one who picked out the house, but due to difficulty dealing with my other 2 siblings, I became the point person with the realtor. I know for a fact she wants to go, as she was the main instigator of the process.
It has been about 2 weeks.
So, what should I do now?
Keep waiting for the check to arrive?
Send a reminder?
Send a newsy e-mail (she lives out of state) with a PS at the end about the payment?
It shouldn't be so hard, but it is! We all have a bit of a tendency to over-react and get hurt feelings about things like this.
(For example, I feel aggravated and frustrated that she hasn't just sent me the check as she said she would!)
Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

Have you reminded her? Seems like a lot of annoyance over nothing. Just send her a text.

[Anonymous]

You're overthinking this. Ask point-blank for her portion of the cost by x date.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should send a text at this point. I also think that when there are strained relationships that are sensitive abut stuff like this it is very difficult to go in on something like you have described. About the only way I would do it to avoid the potential blowouts is to say something like:

I will need everyone's checks by x date so I can pay the deposit/downpayment or else this is a no go. Then I would set the date a week before it needs to be there so you can make deposit, let the funds clear etc.

I run a business and this is how I handle clients that are going in on joint payments for events who dont know each other. I just did this last week and only had to remind one of them out of 5. I then deposited the funds and drew up a cashiers check to protect in case of bouncing. I have never had bouncing but it might happen at some point I guess. The cashiers check is the only way I am willing to protect the project from falling through and at my bank it is free. I feel like something bouncing for one of our events would reflect so badly on my business that I have taken this extra measure for this reason. I never offer to cover for anyone upfront EVER. It allows people to be lazy.

So basically I would treat it as a business transaction. This way if one of your siblings needs some leeway for some unforeseen reason, they might write you and explain and ask for help rather than just TAKE it and annoy the crap out of you.

[Anonymous]

What are you afraid of? That she won't pay because she's huffy? That she's going to ruin the vacation?

This is always a question I ask my mother, who often deals with a very touchy older sister. If all she's afraid of is a tirade at the end of the phone, then I tell her to go ahead and say whatever it is she wanted to say.

Stand up to these people, for goodness's sake. They will only treat you like a doormat if you let them.

[Anonymous]

If you can't just ask your sister for the money she owes, I can't IMAGINE how you are planning to share a house for a week.

[Anonymous]

Just text your sister right now "Hey Kimmie, can you get your check for $1100 in the mail by tomorrow please? I need to have everyone's checks by Tuesday at the latest. Thanks, love ya, bye!"

If you keep it breezy, she'll interpret it breezy.

[Anonymous]

We send our checks directly to the realtor, that way if anyone is late, the consequences are higher - we lose the house.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone, I just sent an email (she never replies to texts) and tried to keep it breezy!

We've done the house sharing before, and somehow it usually works out fine. We always try to get an extra large house with lots of space which helps!

Sadly, our last remaining parent passed away this year, so it will be our first beach vacation without one of them with us. It will definitely be an interesting week, and also interesting to see if this changes the dynamic at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We send our checks directly to the realtor, that way if anyone is late, the consequences are higher - we lose the house.

OP here, yes I think this is the way to go, and doesn't leave anyone in the middle trying to coordinate things.

[Anonymous]

Call her and tell her that her check hasn't arrived and you want to make sure it didn't get lost in the mail. If she hasn't sent it, remind her that you need it by X date.

This should not be hard.