Pre-baby to-do list?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone found a list online (or perhaps put together one for a friend) of the legal/logistical/practical things you should do before you have a baby? I'm not thinking of things like "make sure the nursery is set up one month in advance," or "make sure you've picked a short list of names," but rather things that you might not necessarily think of as baby-related. For example, I know anecdotally that it's advised to draw up a will and also that it's a good idea to get a carbon monoxide detector if you don't have one already. However, I only know these from talking to friends and am certain that there are many others that I haven't heard.

Perhaps I need to put down the pregnancy books and start reading the parenting ones? I'd really appreciate any suggestions as to where I can find these types of things so that I can get them taken care of now while I've still got (some) free time and am not yet sleep-deprived! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Make sure you and your partner are on the same team -- any conflicts about in-laws, apron strings, holidays, traditions, etc. will be magnified tenfold when there's a child in the mix. Make sure that both of you can cook, clean, do laundry and generally help maintain a household to the standards of a reasonable adult. Learn how to disagree without fighting, how to communicate when both of you are frustrated and how to show love with your clothes on. (With a newborn, there isn't a lot of sex -- but you will have ample opportunities to pass each other in the hall late at night and growl "f*ck you.") Think about whether you will want to stay home after Baby arrives, and make sure your bank account and budget will allow this. Agree on your approach to discipline. Agree that you will back each other up in front of your child and/or parents, even when you think the other is flat-out delusional.

If you have any nagging household projects, get them done now. Do not, however, think that this will be a great time to remodel in order to have more space. And do not think that you can re-tile the upstairs bathroom yourself during all the spare time you'll have on maternity leave. Do not buy any new furniture, especially if it features light colors or fragile fabrics. And although the nesting urge will tell you otherwise, don't bother cleaning your rugs before the baby comes -- wait until they've accumulated 12 weeks of spitup, laugh at the inadequacy of your burp rags, and then dial Stanley Steemer.

Resist the urge to kick in the teeth of everyone who tells you to "get your sleep now" -- because any pregnant woman worth her woefully tiny bladder is already up anyway. But do party like the easily tired rock star you are -- go out to long dinners, go see fun shows, attend plays, whatever. Once you factor in the sitter's time, even a crappy movie will cost you $50 -- and that's before popcorn.

Get Netflix and Tivo. They will allow to you maintain a tenuous link with pop culture, and thus have something to talk about with childless friends. And speaking of friends, give them standing orders to stalk you -- to call, leave a message, then call again and again until you finally connect. Every so often, send them an e-mail at 5:30 a.m., explaining that you just remembered that they called, but fortunately also remembered that this isn't a time when normal people make or receive phone calls.

Read a variety of baby and parenting books, but don't make any plans to follow a particular theory until you get to know both your baby and your parenting self. Both may be a surprise to you. Stop eyeing all mothers with young children and thinking "When my kid is that age, he'll never act like X and I'll never allow him to do Y..." Because he will, and you will.

Give your car a thorough tuneup. Get the brakes checked, make sure the tires are good, put an emergency kit in the trunk. Don't think you need to get a huge new grocery getter just yet -- save that for when you're contemplating adding a second car seat. But when you do, remember two words: leather interior.

Remember that the stores will still be open after the baby arrives, and that often (strollers, baby-proofing materials, most clothing) it's easier to make decisions once you know your child and your (hah! hahahaha!) routine a little better.

Go into this with a sense of humor and a readiness for adventure. Ask for help when you need it. And take lots and lots of pictures. Because all those annoying people who tell you that it goes by so fast -- for once, they're right.

[Anonymous]

If you are in a position to do it, research college savings plans so you can set one up as soon as you get a ssn for the baby. That way, if grandparents want to give gifts you can direct them to the savings account.

[Anonymous]

I actually think the best thing you can do before having a baby is to take a little time to relax and treat yourself!

[Anonymous]

1. find a dr. for baby--and for you, if you dont have a primary care dr. already
2. daycare
3. wills, living wills
4. college savings fund
5. if you own a home: lead inspection if its an older home (lead paint in windows and doors can exist and be bad for kids); fire extinguishers, smoke/carbon monoxide detectors, first aid kits.

[Anonymous]

Get a haircut. Get a pedicure. Go see your dentist. Get a massage. Go out/entertain/see friends as much as you are able to. Stock up the fridge. Expect chaos in your house once baby arrives. Expect to be bone tired, hallucinating, emotional, irrational, forgetful, weepy, angry and sometimes thinking you made a huge mistake by having a baby.
I agree with all the PPs on everything else.

[Anonymous]

The best advice I got was to put down the pregnancy books and pick up the parenting books. In addition to getting your will done, minor home repairs, etc., decide if you will put your baby on a schedule or do pure attachment parenting. People said I was crazy when I started my baby's schedule from birth and always put her down to sleep alone but from several months old she has slept alone in her crib from 5 to now 11 hours each night. Don't focus on the birth experience so much because it's just the beautiful beginning. Also make sure your life insurance policies are in order. And six weeks before the birth freeze and cook a month's worth of hot meals.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all of the great responses!