family and vacation......argh
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Anonymous
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There is of course lots of backstory here, but in a nutshell, my family (parents, my family (DH, me, 2 boys), and sometimes my sister and her DH) usually go to the beach for a week each summer together. It's ok....we mostly go because the kids get to spend time with the grandparents, etc. My sister is high-strung and immature, has no kids, and is generally controlling and bossy (we tend to limit contact just because it's stressful at other times). This year my sister was planning another trip and was unable to go to the beach during our planned week. We (parents and family) got a smaller house for the week and were planning on only 6 people being there.
My mom had a much planned hysterectomy at the end of May. She still can't lift, get in the ocean, etc., but I'm not concerned about that at all because 1) my kids are 4 and 6 and 2) my husband and I can totally handle the kids. We aren't going for free childcare - we're going to spend time with the grandparents. My sister has decided that my mom will not be able to limit her activities and has decided that she will be coming for the first 5 days of the vacation, with her husband, to "help". The problems: we don't need help, the house will be way too crowded, I don't feel like subsidizing her vacation, and I don't like the fact that she just unilaterally decided this. I've got to talk to the family about this today and I'm just dreading it. Sister has no boundaries and will have a tantrum, mother will be torn between soothing my fragile sister and me, and I don't know what the outcome will be but I can't decide if it's worth the argument. I'm guessing it will be worth the argument. Any suggestions for tactics? |
Anonymous
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Before you talk to them do a little research. Find another rental for sister and her husband. Tell them you really don't think they need to come, you don't need help, mom will be fine. But if you are set on coming then here is a place you can look into renting. Unfortunately the house we have paid for won't accomodate another two adults. (double check that as well, you may not even be allowed to have two more adults) Don't engage in arguments. Just keep repeating that they have to stay somewhere else. It is not that you don't want them there, but we already have non refundable reservations and CAN NOT accomodate 2 more people.
Good luck |
Anonymous
| PP has some very good advice - you need to come armed with options and soothing syrup. Hopefully your sister will stay somewhere else. |
Anonymous
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I'm confused. Do you have 2 or 3 children?
"my family (parents, my family (DH, me, 2 boys)" "my kids are 4 and 6 and 2" |
Anonymous
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OP here - no, 2 kids....4 and 6. No idea where to 2 came from!
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Anonymous
Dude -- the "2)" was her line item of points she was making she made point 1) then point 2) just no space between the kids ages and her second line item... |
Anonymous
| If your mom complains about your sister not coming just say as sweetly as possible that your sister coming won't work for your family and that she should do whatever she feels is best. She is welcome to come and stay with your family but if not that's fine too. You guys will get together some other time. |
Anonymous
| I agree w/ PP, tell your sister you all got a smaller place and it won't fit 2 more adults comfortably, but there's xyz condo or hotel nearby they can book a room at. Put your foot down. I would be ticked b/c I wouldn't want to be squished into a small place w/ extra adults for a week. |
Anonymous
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I would talk to your mom, father and sister and make it very clear that you are not expecting your mom to help with anything and that you will do the cooking and childcare and she can take it easy and play with the kids when she feels like it.
If your sister still wants to come and stay in a hotel or separate condo that would be fine by me. |
Anonymous
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These beach weeks always seem to generate family drama.
Agree with PPs. Tell the sister she can't stay in the house, period. There is no room, the lease doesn't allow it, and it's not happening. Ten bucks says she bags. |
Anonymous
| I agree with 9:49, your rental agree,net probably limits the number of people allowed in the house. It's a fire code and your landlord would within their rights to kick you out at any time if you exceed it. |
Anonymous
| What happened to your sister's other trip that she had planned? |