How to let go of worrying about a sister who engages in risky behavior?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Maybe this isn't that big of a deal, so do let me know if I'm overreacting. I am a twin and my sister and I are as close as can be. If something happened to her, a part of me would die.
She currently is seeing a guy (not exclusive but although she's gone out on a few dates with others, I don't think he has) and they're doing sexual stuff without protection. Stupid on so many levels. She is not on the pill either, and to me, pregnancy is the least of her concern. Friends and I have all told her she needs to use condoms, but for whatever reason, she only half listens- condoms for vaginal sex, but nothing for anal. They've already had a pregnancy scare. I know it's her life and her business, but the thought of something happening to my sister because of her own stupidity is too much for me. How do I let it go and let her live her life as dangerously as she wants to? |
Anonymous
| Of course it's a big deal. She could get a terrible disease, get pregnant, etc. those are not things you just brush off. How old is she? |
Anonymous
| 37 and highly educated with a well-paying job. But she's a late bloomer and is "finding herself sexually" according to her. |
Anonymous
| She is old enough to understand her own risk. Let her be. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
OP here. I'm trying to, but need help, which is the point of this post. Any ideas? |
Anonymous
Stop worrying about what she does with her vagina and ass. Simple as that, seriously. You all are 37, not 16. |
Anonymous
Tell her to stop telling you any details. No more conversations about who she is dating or what she's doing in bed. "Suzie, I love you and I am worried about the risky behavior you continue to engage in. But you're an adult who can make her own decisions. It's too hard for me to listen to it, so I'm requesting that you not share any details. There are a million things we can talk about. Your sex life just can't be one of them right now." Do that and then simply let it go. Don't bring it up or ask about it. Put it out of your head. Move on. |
Anonymous
Try Al Anon. It is for relatives of substance abusers, but they help people figure out how to let go. |
Anonymous
| I'm just going to throw this out there - does she want children? At 37 her clock is ticking (I had my first at 38 so no judgement from me on starting late). Could she be intentionally - or at least leaving it to fate - trying to get pregnant? I've had friends who have thrown caution to the wind when it comes to having sex with their BF when they get older because they say 'if it happens, it happens.' |
Anonymous
OP here. She doesn't want kids, which is partly why this is all so bewildering. She was freaking out during the pregnancy scare. |
Anonymous
|
Sorry for saying something you might find offensive, but does she want to settle down? Does she think having a baby will help her do that? Would they get married if a baby was on the way?
Anyway, I agree that it's her life, and you need to let it go and refuse to discuss it with her. |
Anonymous
| My very close sister and I give each other shit for doing stupid stuff. There's a brief speech, followed by "don't tell me if you do this again!!" Then, we move on. We're both adults and aren't here to make decisions for the other. |
Anonymous
|
Like the poster who suggested Al Anon, I'm going to suggest another support group, called CODA. It's short for Co-Dependent No More. I think you would really benefit from it.
http://www.coda.org/ |