Atheist and marrying a Christian
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
If you are an atheist who married a Christian (or the other way around) I would love to hear how you made the transition from dating/engaged to married. I'm specifically wondering about the actual wedding itself (how religious was your ceremony? was the non-religious partner bothered?) and what happens once you have children (are they introduced to each partners religion? what did you tell them?). We've worked out all the bumps in our differing beliefs other than these two (admittedly major) issues. We're good communicators and committed to compromising until both parties are happy, so I don't foresee any future problems. Just looking for BTDT advice 
I've been non-religious since I was a young teenager and swore up and down I would never date someone religious. Well here I am, planning on marrying a great man who is devoted to his religion. Funny how that works out  So, I would like to hear from anyone who has experience with this (and of course input from other religious points of view are welcome - I'm just interested in the atheist/religious dynamic). Thanks!
|
Anonymous
|
I know a non-religious/religious couple. The guy was brought up Catholic and religion is very important in his family, well, mostly his mom. And the girl was non-religious. She went to religious counseling before getting married, mostly to please his parents, and they agreed to bring the kids up as Catholics. Seems to be working out ok. But both of them are pretty much non-religious so maybe it wasn't as big of a deal.
But read a story about a Jewish/Catholic couple who agreed to raise their kids Jewish. They got divorced and the dad would take DC to church and the mom was trying to get a court order to stop that. |
Anonymous
|
If you don't work out the kid thin before you marry, you are headed for trouble. Are you talking casual catholic, or born again?
I married an atheist. He is fine with my faith, bu doesn't share it. The kid is raised within my faith. We compromised on many things, as does any couple, but on this one, I did not/would not. |
Anonymous
You don't have a faith, so I don't understand why you keep talking like you do. |
Anonymous
| Most people tend to get more religious when they have kids, so be cautious. They have a strong urge to raise their kids in the same rituals as they were raised. Can you handle that? Can you handle your kids looking down on you as a nonbeliever like PP is doing? |
Anonymous
|
OP do you mean you've discussed the issues of your wedding and how to raise kids and don't agree, or you haven't discussed them? Either way you need to get on this stat. The kids thing is HUGE and should be a deal breaker if you can't agree.
Fwiw my husband and I have different religious backgrounds (Protestant and Jewish) but we are both now atheists so it is not too much of an issue. |
Anonymous
| I was an agnostic/atheist when we married. DH raised Presbyterian. Had first kid, and Wham believed in God soon after (long story). We went to church regularly until the kids were late elementary age. Tapered off to almost never going. Still are believers, just not into organized religion. |
takoma
Member Offline
Member Offline
| Choose a church with a lesbian minister. If you have to deal with God, let it at least be a God who accepts all his children. That would be my (liberal atheist) idea of compromise. |
Anonymous
| The person who is not the religious one should have the opportunity to "screen" what will be said. This is the main thing. We had a church wedding, we baptized our children. I didn't always know why a certain phrase bothered me (and certainly didn't want to get into a debate about it) Usually there was very little that hit a nerve, and usually could be changed. Just to say ~ life is long. Husband & wife may not stay stagnant in their beliefs, so accommodation is a practice for the long run. |
Anonymous
| I think this is generally a stupid idea. |
Anonymous
It's a horrible idea. Marriage is hard enough when you share similar beliefs and values. Being worlds apart on issues of spirituality is a recipe for disaster. It may not matter now. But it will in years to come. It's not just the lack of faith. It's all the stuff that comes with that- Holidays, Sunday morning church, relatives, children,....... |
Anonymous
huh? I just have your faith. |
Anonymous
|
oops. I mean, huh? I just don't have YOUR faith.
(and this was my first post on this subject so I am completely unsure what you are talking about.) |
Anonymous
That poster means that if you truly had faith, you wouldn't have married an unbeliever. You are unequally yoked. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, and all that. Blah blah blah. |
Anonymous
| DH is Catholic, and I was raised agnostic (my parents were raised in very religious families, but were put off by the extreme religion and are atheists as adults). DH's family is very religious, but he doesn't like organized religion as much since the issue with the catholic church protecting child abusing priests. We are basically Hallmark. We celebrate all major Christian holidays, just not the religios aspects. We celebrate Santa and Easter bunny. DH and his family discuss religion with our children. My view is they are free to choose their own faith, and I have no issue with DH sharing his faith with them. Our only real issue is DH's family. They wish we would've baptized the kids. We solved this issue by living 1000 miles apart. |