happy 7 y.o.'s father wants a psychiatrist because of ADD

[Anonymous]

This just seems to me like a bad idea. Forgive the stereotyping, but he lives in NYC and sees his own and seems to think that this is important. She has a brother with severe CP but it still seems that if you take a smart kid to a doctor, even one who just talks, they are going to think they have done something wrong or that there is something wrong with them. He says ADD is a psychiatric diagnosis and that having been diagnosed late he spent a lot of time wondering why he could not do things that others could easily. I was in the same boat and just thought I was stupid but this girl has no accommodations, is on no meds, and is at grade level. She is also a very happy child.

I agree with the wife, and they are both friends, but my college classmate actually hung up on me when I told him how strongly I felt. And we have all been thru hell together. I am going to send him an email apologizing but my 3 kids all have a genetic disorder and one of them has additional issues and we have not sent anyone to a psychiatrist. Any advice? Would this be ok? Is it possible that she might think that she could become like her brother if he does this? I just feel like if it ain't broke don't fix it and we just saw her, spend a lot of time talking to her parents, and my gut tells me this is a bad bad idea. I also know that not every doctor is good, and they know that too, and if you send the kid in alone it seems to me you are taking a gigantic risk with the child's psyche.

All opinions welcome. I have ADD diagnosed in grad school and never thought of it as a psychiatric issue although I had to see a psychiatrist to get medications.

[Anonymous]

You just have to find a good doctor. In the hands of a good doc, a doc who sees the best in kids and not as disorders, then treatment and diagnosis is always preferable in my opinion. A good doc would tell you, no, s/he does not have adhd if the kid doesn't have it OR might give you some additional things to look for even if at the present, it doesn't seem like anything is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just have to find a good doctor. In the hands of a good doc, a doc who sees the best in kids and not as disorders, then treatment and diagnosis is always preferable in my opinion. A good doc would tell you, no, s/he does not have adhd if the kid doesn't have it OR might give you some additional things to look for even if at the present, it doesn't seem like anything is there.

According to the father, the kid HAS been diagnosed with ADD, and he wants her to see a psychiatrist to talk about it... I don't even know that she knows she has it.

[Anonymous]

I found your post quite hard to follow. But if this is about somebody else's family, you really have to stay out of it. You can give your opinion if it is asked, but don't go talking to other people about it.

FWIW, I don't think kids that age would feel there's something wrong with them if they are taken to a psychiatrist/psychologist. Especially if it is presented well to the child. The stigma is more amongst our generation and older. Going now might be a lot easier than starting as a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found your post quite hard to follow. But if this is about somebody else's family, you really have to stay out of it. You can give your opinion if it is asked, but don't go talking to other people about it.

FWIW, I don't think kids that age would feel there's something wrong with them if they are taken to a psychiatrist/psychologist. Especially if it is presented well to the child. The stigma is more amongst our generation and older. Going now might be a lot easier than starting as a teenager.

I, too, found your post difficult to follow.

I don't know why you would feel strongly about this or think this was a stupid idea. The child has a medical diagnosis of ADHD and it sounds like her parents are appropriately handling it. I think they should be commended, not have their judgment questions by someone who has no rational reason for doing so and is conflating disorders. Why in the world would you think this is a 'bad, bad idea'? You act as though ADHD and seeing a psychiatrist is something horrible. They're not and your behavior perpetuates the stigma. You have no idea what the girl is struggling with - and just because she's, happy, unmedicated and working at grade level now doesn't mean she isn't being affected in a negative manner by the ADHD. Before you have any other discussion with the father, I suggest you learn something about ADHD. Just because you have it doesn't mean you aren't woefully ignorant about it. You owe your friend a huge, huge apology.

[Anonymous]

You have got to butt out of this. It isn't your family and its none of your business. You are judging and interfering and you are way, way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Another who had a hard time following the post.

If this is not your family, get your nose out of this.

[Anonymous]

I am not totally sure I understood your post but assuming I did.

Yes, seeing a child psychiatrist to talk about ADHD is quite normal.

I have a seven-year-old with anxiety and ADHD (unmedicated for ADHD and on or above grade-level, too, but very definitively severe ADHD) and we see a psychologist and he just sees it as a part of his routine. He enjoys it. Kids that age do not question something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have got to butt out of this. It isn't your family and its none of your business. You are judging and interfering and you are way, way out of line.

Agreed.

Also, even if this is a happy child, if she has a brother with a disability like CP that can be stressful. Talking with a therapist cannot hurt.

Also, stop comparing apples to oranges. It does not matter if your kids have genetic disorders and have never seen a psychiatrist. Everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

Also did not get your point.

But I don't think a 7 yo is forever traumatized by psychoeducational testing. But you know the consequences of a late ADD diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Why shouldn't she see a therapist? How would it possibly harm her to have another adult to support her with her problems? Any child at all, I'm talking about here.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely apologize to your friend for being way out of line in second-guessing him about this. It is not your place at all to tell him you object to his family's medical decisions.

Beyond that you are also revealing an irrational bias against psychiatry. But since the main issue here is you sticking your nose in someone else's business, that your opinion is also substantively wrong is beside the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should definitely apologize to your friend for being way out of line in second-guessing him about this. It is not your place at all to tell him you object to his family's medical decisions.

Beyond that you are also revealing an irrational bias against psychiatry. But since the main issue here is you sticking your nose in someone else's business, that your opinion is also substantively wrong is beside the point.

Excuse me folks I have been off line for a while and while you are usually very welcoming your response here is not respectful and BS. I am sorry my initial post was incomprehensible. I am also disabled with this genetic disorder and in chronic pain and on narcotics so perhaps I did not make myself clear. And yes the fact that our kids all have special needs may have brought us closer together but my husband and I have known the father since we were freshmen in college and I also worked at the same wall street law firm as he did for 5 years and we frequently had lunch together. They have been our housegests and vice versa.

So let me lay it out for you and give you another chance and see whether you can offer some constructive advice ,As with most marriages where one kid has a severe disabliity, these folks are stressed, and the wife is flipping out because SHE DOES NOT WANT HER CHILD TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. Now whether you think I ought to get into the middle of their marriage is a different issue, but both my husband and I have been. ever since they had their twins. So now that you know that one parent does not want the child (who is diagnosed with ADD. same as me, not ADHD. and it is not severe,) to see a psychiatrist (the wife) maybe you will have some constructive advice to offer, SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME TO CALL HIM I have asked her to get her husband to call mine on several ocasions about marital problems. That is the kind of relationship we have with these people, for better or for worse. So you can help me Or you can just keep bashing me. Silly me, I thought this forum unlike the others was a relatively safe space. She called me in tears and said it was absolutely the last straw there have been a lot of them and that she was going to leave him. I love them both, which is why I called him. I have known him for over 20 years, same as my husband, and her ever since he met her. And I don't think further upsetting the apple cart of their marriage and potentially upsetting the child is worth it over what seems to me to be a minor issue. If he wants to take her to a CBT to develop strategies and coping mechanisms so she does not lose or forget things that is fine. But I HAVE ADD, and it is not severe, but it was severe enough that I could not get through law school exams without accommodations and had to sue the NY State Bar for accommodations as well. So that is the story, and this is where I am coming from.

Now please help me. Or not. Maybe Ehlers Danlos Syndrome doesn't really count to you all as a real disability for me and my kids. And that of course would also be nice to know sooner rather than later. I used to post on this forum a lot when my kids were younger. Oh well. I am very disappointed.

[Anonymous]

First of all, the responses were fairly constructive. Just because you are not getting the answer you wanted, does not mean they are not constructive. Plus, I think you are reading more hostility in the posts than there is (see below) I too would say to stay out of another couples marriage and parenting.

I think it is a good idea for a child with an issue like ADD or ADHD to see a therapist prior to anything cropping up. Having this condition puts them at a higher risk for problems down the road. Being the sibling of a child with CP or other issues also puts the child in a higher risk group. Having an established relationship to work things through when times get tough is great planning and may even avoid issues down the road. It is pro-active not re-active.


Regarding reading online posts:

If you read the following sentences emphasizing a different word each time, it vastly changes the meaning of the sentence. It can be difficult to read the tone of online posts and many people tend to err on the inflammatory side.

I did sleep not with your husband.
I did sleep not with your husband.
I did sleep not with your husband.
I did sleep not with your husband.
I did sleep not with your husband.

You need to read it out loud to hear the differences.

[Anonymous]

shoot,

I did not sleep with your husband.
I did not sleep with your husband.
I did not sleep with your husband.
I did not sleep with your husband.
I did not sleep with your husband.