Moving and family

[Anonymous]

My whole family lives in the DC area. It has become to expensive for us to reasonably live here so before my son starts K in a year we decided to move to a place where the cost of living is significantly lower. We are a very un-spontaneous family and did not make this decision lightly. My mother in law whom I normally get along great with is now driving me insane!!! Every time we even mention the thought of moving she says "if you can even get a job out there" or "but you will get paid as much out there".
My DH and I have run the numbers over and over we can take a significant pay cut because housing is sooooo much cheaper where we plan to move to. We have not gotten a house yet and we have not 100% committed to moving but plan to spend a few weeks there this summer to get a feel for the area and see what we think. But we can get a house with a yard and a basement in a decent school district for about 1/4th of what would we pay here.
I am guessing she is going to miss seeing my DS so often and is taking it personally but the more she talks the more I am ready to get the heck out. What can I say to her short of screaming STFU?

[Anonymous]

Completely agree with what you're doing. Can I ask where you have decided to move? We are thinking about doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

How far away will you be moving? I mean, are you moving to somewhere that is within a few hours drive? Or will you be moving to the west coast, or?

[Anonymous]

Just a few hours away, in ohio. Neither of us work office jobs so we can get comparable jobs easily (I already have 4 interviews lined up). And my husband can transfer (hopefully) there and we can keep our insurance and benefits that we receive here.

We have enough in savings where we can get a nice 2-3 bedroom townhouse in a great school district and pay a $400 mortgage. Here the cheapest thing we can find is a small condo in a crappy neighborhood where the schools suck and still we would be paying 1200 a month. It's that much of a difference.

[Anonymous]

So we could take a 50% pay cut and still survived, and I'm guessing our pay cut would not be that drastic.

[Anonymous]

OP, i'm with you. i've been accepted into an academic program in a much lower cost of living, but really cool city. we would have to take out loans for school, but otherwise would be able to buy an actual row house (in a nice part of the city) with our savings and be able to live on DH's salary alone. Both of our parents (neither of whom live here) HATE this idea. they would rather i pursue my studies here, even though we'd live in a shoe box and the loans would be almost double.

I think family just hates the idea of change - if it ain't broke, don't fix it..... they just don't understand that we want a better life for ourselves, and they see any change that doesn't bring us closer to them as a wrong move. in your situation, it's even harder, considering it's a perfectly fine situation for them.

do what you need to do, that's what they're doing. ... good luck!

[Anonymous]

I would tell your MIL that she can either continue bitching about your already-made decision (whether it has been or not) or she can enjoy the remaining time that you all have in the area. But if she chooses the former, you're not going to be inclined to spend that much time with someone who continually undermines an adult choice.

[Anonymous]

Dealing with very similar situation. DH and I are actively looking to relocate to a state with a much lower cost of living, shorter commute, more scenery, and new job opportunities. My parents, who live on state away, understand this is our plan and they are not happy, insisting that we are not considering schools as seriously as we should (the school situation will be fine). My father is now sending me all kinds of negative info about the places we are considering. As far as he's concerned the only good places for Us are where we live now or where they live. Everywhere else is a nightmare that will only make us regret our decision. Honestly I think all they care about is that we do what makes THEM most comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks for the responses and I'm glad it's not just me. I sent her a link to some of the places we were looking at and her only reply was "I hope nothing's wrong with it".

Well me too! Me mother law and I used to get along well. Maybe a move will be a good thing, although now that she's retired I hope she does not expect to come for extended visits!

[Anonymous]

We moved here ten years ago from a place with an incredibly low cost of living. For the last ten years, MIL has lamented that we have no intention of moving back-- but there are NO jobs for either of us back home. You simply have to do what's best for you and your family. If you can make a go of it in a cheaper area, then that sounds great to me. The cost of living here is insane.

At least you know you'll be missed by family, right? That's nicer than having them counting the days til you're gone.

[Anonymous]

~ stop talking. And stop taking everyone's temperature. They are probably sick of hearing about it. "Hopefully transfer" and "interviews" mean nothing ~ it's not in the bag. Pursue this course if it's what you and your husband want. It sounds good to me. But your fault for making this a topic of conversation, and debate before you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:~ stop talking. And stop taking everyone's temperature. They are probably sick of hearing about it. "Hopefully transfer" and "interviews" mean nothing ~ it's not in the bag. Pursue this course if it's what you and your husband want. It sounds good to me. But your fault for making this a topic of conversation, and debate before you need to.

We currently rent our house for a really low price and our landlords are selling this summer. So we have to find a new place to live regardless its more of a matter of staying here or not. We want to buy a place but don't think I can work here unless it's a tiny apartment and I like having a yard.