Change college counselors?

[Anonymous]

My kid is at a highly regarded private school. There are several college counselors. We got one that I'm not thrilled with and would like to switch to the "head" one. They told us we couldn't really switch but that we can talk with the head one whenever we want. I'm tempted to really push back and see if we can switch. My dilemma is if we go over their head and try to get the one we want the head one might be pissed and either not be very nice or won't be as helpful because she will think we are PITA parents. On the other hand I want to do what's best for my kid. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

We were in a similar situation and DS just talked to the head of counseling whenever he needed guidance. He was aware that this was not an uncommon problem.

[Anonymous]

You will absolutely be regarded as a PITA parent. Remember, if you push this and then are unsuccessful, the bad counselor will be writing your kid's recommendation letter and making phone calls on his behalf. Probably the last person you want to piss off!

[Anonymous]

At most of these top schools, the counselors really work as a team, and having already been told you will have access to the "head" of the office, I would for sure not push harder. You also likely have no real idea who is good and not good, it can be very individual in terms of how the specific counselor relates to your kid. I have now gone through this with two kids at two different top schools, and there is always quite a lot of hysteria over which counselor is assigned, but what I see in the end has been generally excellent advice and predictions and the office going all out to advocate for each kid, and even if the personality of the counselor is not one that meshes perfectly with different personalities or styles of parents, there is no way in these important positions that the school would keep someone on who was not performing over time. I would worry more about a completely new counselor that doesn't have contacts with college admissions people on a personal level yet.

[Anonymous]

The college counselor's job is to (a) get the recommendations and transcripts out, and (b) to advise you on which colleges are best for your kid. The first task, (a), basically consists of re-organizing what you've already told him/her into a narrative arc about your kid. The way (a) would become difficult is if there's something about your kid's grades or personal history that really needs careful explanation, but barring that, it's not rocket science. However, as PPs have pointed out, you don't want the assigned counselor to write an angry narrative.

Where you need wise counsel is (b), choosing the right college for your kid. For this part you can have informal and even formal conversations with the head of counseling or another counselor, since the school has already given an OK. And if the head says your kid would be a good candidate for School X but the assigned counselor is pushing for School Y, well, if you manage it diplomatically, you can get the head to overrule the counselor.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you've already pushed some, so you really need to stand down for your child's sake. When you do speak to the head make sure you don't sound like you are going over the counselor's head.

There's often grumbling about college guidance counselors because its such a stressful process but I agree with PP that their role in all this is exaggerated. They can recommend colleges, but your DC gets to choose and their letters to the schools are almost certainly reviewed by the head of the office.

Finally, its really important that you stand as far back from the process as possible. The kids really have to take the lead, both for their own good and because thats one thing colleges look for. It sounds like you are teetering on the edge of being overinvolved.

[Anonymous]

I would get some books off of Amazon and be prepared to do a lot of your own research. I agree w/ some earlier folks that you don't want to tick off the person who will be writing the recommendation for your child. And, if you can talk to the "top one" anytime, then I wouldn't worry. Your kid is competing against other kids from the school plus every other kid applying to the college he/she is applying to. If you have other worries you can email me at : [e-mail]

We went through this with our kid at a top private here. We didn't like the college counselor at all but did everything to behave nicely so as not to tick her off at the same time knowing that with our kid's college athletic recruiting, it was up to the college and not the h.s. college counselor as to where kid would go. Unbelievably, college counselor just sent dd a card for college graduation.

[Anonymous]

8:27 again. Second the recommendation about doing your own research. Get your kid the Fiske Guide to colleges and tell him go through it and pick his top choices. Vet the choices for fit and realism.

Read some books about how college admissions work, like Price of Admission or Crazy U, so you understand who is getting in where, and why.

There are lots of books about how to write/not write essays, and you can usually show the essay to another adult at the school like an English teacher (but obviously don't write it yourself or pay another adult to write it, because colleges claim they can spot these a mile off).

We weren't wild about DC's counselor either, but did a lot of our own legwork and DC is headed to a top ivy next fall. After you read a few books you'll be more comfortable with the process and less reliant on the school counselors.