Am I being insensitive?

[Anonymous]

My SIL is pregnant with DD # 2. She quit her job and she and her husband moved in with her parents so she could be a sahm for DD #1 (who is not quite 2). about a week ago, she posted links to her registry so people could buy her stuff she "needed" they seemed more like extras to me though.

I understand that they don't have a lot of money but why should I spend my hard earned cash because you decided to quit your job? I certainly didn't mind helping out the first time And gave lots at her shower, but I feel like this is kind of tacky. FWIW, they were doing just fine while she was working.

Am I being a total jerk?

[Anonymous]

Just give a gift and chalk it up to being a good sister!
Not worth causing "family DRAMA over this AT ALL."

[Anonymous]

Maybe 2 in daycare wouldn't be worth it for her to keep working?

[Anonymous]

No. You're right.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm definitely going to get something, but I find it tacky and rude.

She was still bringing home good money w/ 1 kid in daycare, but maybe not 2. She quit like a year ago though, before she found out she was pregnant and from what I understand, before they were even trying.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible there is more going on than you are aware of? Sometimes we don't know everything that another, even a family member, might be dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just give a gift and chalk it up to being a good sister!
Not worth causing "family DRAMA over this AT ALL."

This. She's being ridiculous, and immature (if you can't afford to live on your own, you can't afford to add a mouth to your household). If I was your husband's parents, I'd be really angry and probably throw them out. But she's your husband's sister, and you're either going to get divorced or have to put up with her the rest of your life. And you would surely have bought something for her second child regardless (are you really going to just pretend the child doesn't exist?). So just send her a gift card in an amount YOU are comfortable with (screw her desire for the pricey extras she can't afford) and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

it's tacky. it's insensitive if you comment on it to her or others in her family.

Buy her a gift -- off the registry if you want, if not whatever you want to give. Then let it go as the rest is none of your business.

FWIW, I feel your pain, as I have two SILs living on the FIL's dole. It is what it is, you can't change it.

[Anonymous]

Just get the baby something you think is nice and don't think twice about SIL. Even though she and her DH may suck, foster a good relationship with your nieces.

[Anonymous]

Op here, I've probably spent hundreds on dd1 who was the first baby in the family. Any suggestions on an appropriate amount?

[Anonymous]

You're not being insensitive at all. It would pain me to spend my hard earned money but I would get something like diapers and wipes and call it a day. What an immature, entitled cow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm definitely going to get something, but I find it tacky and rude.

She was still bringing home good money w/ 1 kid in daycare, but maybe not 2. She quit like a year ago though, before she found out she was pregnant and from what I understand, before they were even trying.

PP here: This is why I have no sympathy for them, and why you don't need to. They knew their situation and decided to go for broke (literally). So you are fully justified to be disgusted that she's registered for nice stuff for #2, when she clearly has the essentials and put herself in whatever financial straits she's facing (and certainly doesn't have much respect for your in-laws, who are now starting over 25+ years later).

BUT, she doesn't live with you and it's not worth getting into a fight over. Gift card in an amount you think appropriate and be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm definitely going to get something, but I find it tacky and rude.

She was still bringing home good money w/ 1 kid in daycare, but maybe not 2. She quit like a year ago though, before she found out she was pregnant and from what I understand, before they were even trying.

Was having the kids an excuse not to work? Do they see their kids as being the golden children of the family and the family should bow down and do everything to support these kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I've probably spent hundreds on dd1 who was the first baby in the family. Any suggestions on an appropriate amount?

Figure an amount your willing to spend anually on your SIL's family as a unit, and divide out the appropriate pro rata share for this occasion. At the end of the year, the total give equals what you started with. This is probably the best way to manage the situation. Neither DN#1 nor #2 will know if you change your level of spending. SIL might, but who cares?

[Anonymous]

She has a child under 2 and is expecting folks to buy something off a registry? I don't care whether she's a SAHM or WOHM or who she lives with. That is just plain tacky.

Give the baby lots of picture books when s/he arrives.