Want to back out of SILs bachelorette...

[Anonymous]

i agreed to go to my SIL's bachelorette about a month ago. it was supposed to be a flight away. i can only go for about a day and a half, and catching the flight there will be pretty stressful with my work. just a couple of days ago they also decided to change the plans so that we'd be spending almost the entire time in a city a few hours away from where we were originally going to be - making catching my return flight an absolute nightmare. they're claiming i can take the car and they'll train the next day, but i'd rather not drive someone else's car, so i'd rather train to the airport. anyways, it's really annoying me (particularly b/c there's an airport much closer than the original airport that we all booked), and we could have all just flown into there (and it would have been cheaper for everyone).

i'll be about 6 months pregnant, driving in an unfamiliar city, trying to catch a 2 hour train ride to catch a flight. and no doubt i'll be tired b/c i'll be sharing a room with 4 other girls.

and, well, quite frankly, i dont see why i'm doing this to myself. she didn't come to mine (albeit she was very sick), and although i was hoping to use this time to grow a better relationship with her and to get her know her friends better, i think back, and she barely even spoke with my bridesmaids (she was one as well). i hate to be petty, but should i really shell out all this time, energy, and money to go? additionally, when she found out i was going to be pregnant during her wedding, she claimed that i was selfish and trying to steal the spotlight. she's come a long way with the pregnancy thing (she seems excited now), but i'm having a hard time forgiving her.

to my make me want to go even less, my DH is going on a beach trip the same weekend. it was supposed to be just guys, initally, but now it looks like all the wives are invited (and i'm friends with most of them). DH wants me to go with him, it would be almost free, and i'd be with real friends.

thing is, if i don't go to the bachelorette, the girls will actually save money (they could fit in SIL's apartment) and the hotel at the second city is cheaper. but i'll feel like i backed out on a promise.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. It won't be the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. Six months pregnant. She might have more fun, feel more comfy without an in law there anyway. You r not backing out; they changed the plan.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. It's not like the party won't be the same without you and in the scheme of things, bachlorette parties really aren't that big a deal. You should, however, still send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Thanks ladies! I feel better about not going- now to figure out how to take advantage of the trip protector I bought with my flights. I have a small gift (a necklace) that I may send.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i agreed to go to my SIL's bachelorette about a month ago. it was supposed to be a flight away. i can only go for about a day and a half, and catching the flight there will be pretty stressful with my work. just a couple of days ago they also decided to change the plans so that we'd be spending almost the entire time in a city a few hours away from where we were originally going to be - making catching my return flight an absolute nightmare. they're claiming i can take the car and they'll train the next day, but i'd rather not drive someone else's car, so i'd rather train to the airport. anyways, it's really annoying me (particularly b/c there's an airport much closer than the original airport that we all booked), and we could have all just flown into there (and it would have been cheaper for everyone).

i'll be about 6 months pregnant, driving in an unfamiliar city, trying to catch a 2 hour train ride to catch a flight. and no doubt i'll be tired b/c i'll be sharing a room with 4 other girls.

and, well, quite frankly, i dont see why i'm doing this to myself. she didn't come to mine (albeit she was very sick), and although i was hoping to use this time to grow a better relationship with her and to get her know her friends better, i think back, and she barely even spoke with my bridesmaids (she was one as well). i hate to be petty, but should i really shell out all this time, energy, and money to go? additionally, when she found out i was going to be pregnant during her wedding, she claimed that i was selfish and trying to steal the spotlight. she's come a long way with the pregnancy thing (she seems excited now), but i'm having a hard time forgiving her.

to my make me want to go even less, my DH is going on a beach trip the same weekend. it was supposed to be just guys, initally, but now it looks like all the wives are invited (and i'm friends with most of them). DH wants me to go with him, it would be almost free, and i'd be with real friends.

thing is, if i don't go to the bachelorette, the girls will actually save money (they could fit in SIL's apartment) and the hotel at the second city is cheaper. but i'll feel like i backed out on a promise.

I think it is fine to decline the invite due to all circumstances that surround the trip, but this is where you lost me. By bringing these things up at least you are acknowledging that a portion of your decision s coming from a petty/immature place and completely undermines your assertion that you want to build a better relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

OP here- yup, you're right- definitely unresolved issues.

[Anonymous]

Don't go, and don't think about it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go, and don't think about it again.

+ 1,000

[Anonymous]

Heck yeah, don't go!

[Anonymous]

Don't go but don't bring up stupid petty issues. Just tell her the travel arrangements don't work and you are not going to be able to come. Send your gift.

[Anonymous]

My God, why is this even a question? Don't go. You're not obligated to go to thi shit ever, and especially not when you're pregnant and it's inconvenient.

[Anonymous]

OP here, wow, thanks for the confirmation everyone- I guess I just feel guilty bc I had initially agreed to go. I am backing out and looking forward to a relaxing weekend at the beach with my hubby!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go. You just never relate to your SIL in the same way you relate to your own friends. The fact that she accused you of being selfish and stealing the spot light would be enough for me. Who cares if it was six months ago and she has decided to be a normal nice human being now? I would say, you know, I think given the pregnancy, I will stay at home. Let her know that you don't want your pregnancy to steal the spot light.

[Anonymous]

Don't go and try to resolve your issues at another time.