New Neighbor and Smoking
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Anonymous
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So, recently our dear old neighbor moved away. We were pretty close, and both had kids that would play together. Sadly, her job transferred her, and so the family moved away.
So a few months late, a young couple moved in. They seem very friendly and reached out to us the very first day. Anyway, while they are friendly, my big problem is that both of them are really heavy smokers and just stand out on their stoop smoking every hour or so. I don't think this is appropriate for a small community where children are being raised and often run across neighbor's yards playing. I don't want my kids (Ages 12, 11, and 7) to have the second hand smoke risk, plus I do not want to have the adult influence of smokers living next door. Is there any polite way for me to ask them to smoke inside or in other areas? |
Anonymous
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If you ask then to smoke elsewhere their second-hand smoke will just wind up in front of someone else's house.
No, you can't ask them to smoke inside their house. Basically, you're just stuck. I hate smoke too, vehemently, but when you go outside of your house, you have to deal with other people and we live in a free world where people can do whatever they want. |
Anonymous
| No. Don't do it. |
Anonymous
| Your children are not at a very high risk of second hand smoke if they are running through a neighbors yard or playing outside. They are much more likely to be affected by the toxins we breathe every day from car exhaust, pollution, etc. You cannot dictate what someone does on their own property. |
Anonymous
| No, there is no polite way to do this. |
Anonymous
| In my experience smokers are often very friendly - usually much less uptight. Sounds odd, but maybe it's the effect of the nicotine. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Maybe they will be very cool to you and helpful. |
Anonymous
I would use this as an opportunity to say to my children (as I often do) that in a community, different people do different things. And that smoking is a very unhealthy habit that is extremely hard to stop once you have started, so it's best not to start in the first place. I think that the risk from second-hand smoke from running across neighbors' yards while the neighbors are standing outside smoking is pretty minimal. And smoking is legal. You cannot ask them not to smoke on their own stoop. |
Anonymous
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No, you cannot tell them what to do on their own stoop. Second-hand smoke is a problem if you live WITH a smoker or work or hang out ALL THE TIME in smokey bars (remember when they had those?).
Smokers suck because smoke sucks. No amount of other-than-that-niceness can make up for the fumes. But as of now, it's legal. |
Anonymous
| You need to calm down and not look for reasons to resent these people. Your children will see people smoke, they already have. That won't influence them. And as others have said, they really aren't going to be exposed to 2nd hand smoke (and should minimize running over other people's lawns anyway.) |
Anonymous
| Jesus, you sound like a nightmare. Glad you are not my neighbor. |
Anonymous
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OP here. It is getting to the point where if they are home I have to make sure my kids are inside. The houses in my neighborhood are close together, and all the kids on the block just goof off/ play sports in the adjorning yards, so having these neighbors sitting out there As for minimizing running over others' lawns, all the lawns that are used (including theirs) are with their permission.
The biggest thing is that it is sending a bad message to my kids, especially my 12 year old son (who is starting to be too old to watch everything he does), that smoking is fine, and even normal. I grew up, went to college, and lived for a while in Philadelphia, and one of the reasons I moved away (to DC) was that Philly was just full of smokers. That is not the way I want to live, and it is especially not the way I want to raise my kids. It is really hard to deal with these new neighbors, as they are always asking us over and trying to talk with us when all we want to do is distance ourselves from them. We do not want to smell the inside of their health (bleeggh, cigarette smoke)... |
Anonymous
+1. OP sounds a little extreme. |
Anonymous
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OP - Do you keep your kids away from car exhaust fumes?
You seem to be nutty. |
Anonymous
They have given your kids permission to use their yard as a playground out of the kindness of their own hearts and you want to take them up on their offer, but on your own terms? Am I reading this correctly? A lot of people smoke cigarettes. It's a personal choice that your kids will be exposed to. If you pass a stranger smoking a cigarette on the street do you shield your kids' eyes? This sounds a little extreme. If you are THAT concerned about second hand smoke (which your children have virtually no risk of in this scenario), then tell your kids to play in your own damn yard. |
Anonymous
This is surely not the first time he has been exposed to people who do things you disapprove of, and will certainly not be the last. Trying to remove the exposure is a strategy that will not work. Talking to him about the thing (in this case, why smoking is bad) is a strategy that might work. (I would recommend, also, emphasizing that while smoking is bad, that does not mean that smokers are bad people.) |