Intolerant and Judgemental Grandma to AMA FTM

[Anonymous]

My mother is here until I give birth (in 6 weeks more or less) and maybe for a longer postpartum period. I appreciate her help around the house, but she is increasingly intolerant and judgemental of everything. We have argued every day about topics ranging from politics to religion. If I try to stick to light neutral subjects, she can pick a fight on those, too. I am weary and heartsick. If I ask her to leave, I risk alienating the only grandparent my child will ever know.

[Anonymous]

Why on Earth has she come 6 weeks prior to the birth?? Is she from out of the country?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Also, I am unpartnered.

[Anonymous]

Have you always had difficulty getting along with her or is this conflict all new? Is there something about being here that is bothering her? Maybe she didn't realize what your life here is like and is unhappy about it for some reason?

[Anonymous]

Always difficult, but this is a new level. Also, my stepfather died right around the time I announced the pregnancy so she has always said the shock killed him. (Actually, being 65 lbs overweight and a lifelong smoker killed him) He was more religious than she and wanted me married off to anyone with money. She says she just wanted grandkids, but now I wonder.
I am an only child. She was an only child. Right now, my entire biological line is in this cramped apartment and she and I both are miserable.

[Anonymous]

You have to put your hand on your mom's arm, and say to her, "Mommy. I appreciate SO MUCH that you came here to help me. I couldn't do this without you. But all this arguing is killing me. My doctor says the stress is bad for the baby and he is concerned. I REALLY want you to get to experience this with me, but if you don't stop arguing with me I AM going to have to ask you to go home, and that will break my heart. Do you think things can go more pleasantly than they have been? I love you, and really want them to."

See how that works. Report back. Also, eat two cookies because this all sounds hella stressful.

[Anonymous]

I second the PP's cookie prescription. She sounds much wiser than i am.

My mom went totally nutso on me before my first was born. Thank God we weren't living together. However, 5 years and 2 kids later, we are on a pretty even keel, so there is always hope. You will get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to put your hand on your mom's arm, and say to her, "Mommy. I appreciate SO MUCH that you came here to help me. I couldn't do this without you. But all this arguing is killing me. My doctor says the stress is bad for the baby and he is concerned. I REALLY want you to get to experience this with me, but if you don't stop arguing with me I AM going to have to ask you to go home, and that will break my heart. Do you think things can go more pleasantly than they have been? I love you, and really want them to."

See how that works. Report back. Also, eat two cookies because this all sounds hella stressful.

+1

Also, I can't help but wonder, based on my own experiences and similar messages on this board, that becoming a grandparent is not only a joy for people but also a sort of right of passage/life stressor that serves as a hard-hitting reminder to our parents that they are indeed aging and are stepping into the role previously held by their own (possibly already dead) parents. It's a reminder of one's mortality as well as a chance to dote on and grow close to a new child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to put your hand on your mom's arm, and say to her, "Mommy. I appreciate SO MUCH that you came here to help me. I couldn't do this without you. But all this arguing is killing me. My doctor says the stress is bad for the baby and he is concerned. I REALLY want you to get to experience this with me, but if you don't stop arguing with me I AM going to have to ask you to go home, and that will break my heart. Do you think things can go more pleasantly than they have been? I love you, and really want them to."

See how that works. Report back. Also, eat two cookies because this all sounds hella stressful.

This is great advice.
I'd also try to get out of the apartment a little bit. Maybe she'd be interested in some museums or sights? Can she entertain herself? Does she know anyone else in the area that she can catch up with? Or maybe even just giving her concrete tasks might help both of you. Can she make you some meals and freeze them? Does the apartment need a good cleaning? Are baby's clothes washed and organized? My MIL helped with all of these tasks and they were so wonderfully thoughtful, especially after she left and I had to do it all myself. If you want to just relax and chill, maybe you could do something together... get into a TV show on Netflix so you can watch it all, buy some fabric or yarn and make a baby quilt, plant some flower boxes.... basically anything that will keep you busy and occupied.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Also, I am unpartnered.

OP, could you reconcile this with your post here:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/306986.page

You seem to have a lot of unusual drama in your life.

OP, because this is the second time I have caught you posting contradictory threads, I don't believe any of your posts. Unless you want me to be calling you out in every thread, I suggest you reform your habits.

[Anonymous]

Why do these trolls waste their time making up this stuff? I guess it's just attention, but I really don't get who has this kind of time.

[Anonymous]

::reads Jeff's post:::

::Angrily snatches back the two cookies prescribed::

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:::reads Jeff's post:::

::Angrily snatches back the two cookies prescribed::

Me, I feel slightly envious of DCUM's trolls. They seem to have so much spare time on their hands.

[Anonymous]

I'm dumb - how does anyone know these 2 threads are related? they don't seem related to me.

[Anonymous]

The OP of all the threads is the same. Jeff can tell by the IP address. It just proves OP is a troll