Holding hands while crossing the street

[Anonymous]

How strict are you about holding your child's hand when he/she crosses the street with you? How do you teach them to do so? Our son immediately yanks his hand out of ours when we get outside and if we grab it again he lays down and yells, no matter if he's on the sidewalk or in the street. We pick him up when that happens, but that doesn't exactly teach him that there are consequences -- he's just as happy to be carried as to walk on his own. Any suggestions?

He's 1.5 years, if that helps.

[Anonymous]

It's non-negotiable for us (DC is 3). Just keep doing what you're doing and your kid will get the hint. 1.5 is young to expect him to fully understand.

[Anonymous]

This is non-negotiable. Kids have to hold my hand walking across the street, in any parking lot -- anywhere where there are cars.

He may be just as happy to be carried right now, but he'll outgrow that soon. So you enforce the rule: "If you want to walk like a big boy, you have to hold my hand."

[Anonymous]

DD was 18 years before she mentioned it and I still don't care! My mom still grabs me.

DS is 4 when we cross the neighborhood street where I know the traffic I will let him walk close if he ask. Other times it is not really up for discussion so I make it a game swinging his arms and talking about something to distract from the handholding part.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- ok, this is helpful. Good to know he'll WANT to walk later and could be disappointed if we pick him up -- that will help a lot.

[Anonymous]

It's a safety rule. You can hold hands or be carried, your choice. They will learn to hold hands.

[Anonymous]

I do not insist on it. What I found was that if I told her "If you walk nicely, and stay right next to me, then you don't have to hold my hand. But if you run, I'm going to hold you. It's your choice," she would choose to walk on her own. I walked half a step behind and to the side of her, and kept the closest hand free if I needed to grab her. And sometimes I did - by the neck, the hood, collar, hair, whatever.

If I forgot our deal and went to hold her hand, she would squirm away and start trying to run.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a phase and your son is trying to assert his independence. If it helps any, my 10 year old twins still hold my hand when they cross the street. Actually, when I am walking with them, they will spontaneously grab my hand or I will grab theirs. It is a way of us continuing to connect as parent and child. However, safety always comes first so be calm and tell DS that as soon as you cross the street, he is free to let go and walk on his own but the rule is holding hands while crossing the street.

[Anonymous]

I have a 20 month old who HATES holding hands. I find it's important to give her options. "Do you want to hold my hand while we cross, or should I carry you?" She almost always chooses hand-holding. If she tries to let go, I immediately pick her up as we are walking. When we get to the other side, I explain why: "I know you don't want to hold my hand. But crossing the street is dangerous, and you either need to hold my hand or have me carry you. Now that we're done crossing the street, you can walk ont he sidewalk on your own" [with me by her side of course]. This approach has worked well for us.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's non-negotiable for us (DC is 3). Just keep doing what you're doing and your kid will get the hint. 1.5 is young to expect him to fully understand.

+1.

I just tried to impose in any way possible the "Streets are Dangerous" message-- so even if I could see the street was totally clear in all directions, and I had my kid whom I KNOW is not a runner/bolter, we always held hands to cross. And didn't jaywalk. Man, my kids are the ones who have made me obey all the safety rules I once disregarded, in the hope of being a good example!

[Anonymous]

Honestly? If one of my sons tried to let go of my hand while we were crossing the street, I just held on tight (or grabbed hold again, if they pulled away) and pulled them across the street. I don't mess around and I don't negotiate with terrorists. I stay calm, I don't yell, but they don't get to make those kinds of decisions. Not a chance in heck that they were crossing alone in our Shaw neighborhood! So cry, scream, flail - whatever. I keep calm and pull them across. They learned quickly.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a non-negotiable and one of the very few instances in which I will spank. If he rips out of my hands and runs off, whether in a parking lot or the street, he gets a smack on the butt because he needs to know how very serious I am. I have always done this with DS and only now, at just past 5, do I sometimes let go of his hand in a parking lot or crosswalk.

[Anonymous]

It is non-negotiable. My 2yo either holds hands or gets picked up and carried. And I do not negotiate in the middle of the street. If he pulls away, I pick up instantly. Sometimes he views this as punishment, sometimes not. But he is 2 and the choice is not his.

[Anonymous]

We will stand there and wait fo the tantrum to be over before attempting to cross the street. Then, when they try to cross the street, we make them take out hand. Completely nonnegotiable. Our 1.5 year old DD now looks back at us and extends her hand when she gets to the street.

[Anonymous]

Non negotiable crossing the street and in parking lots.