16/17 yr old can't get motivated/do his homework

[Anonymous]

My almost 17 yr old, who has ADD, is really struggling with making himself do his homework or as he says "any responsibility he has," like meeting with teachers out of class. He is feeling worthless, like a failure, and is very upset with himself because he can't get himself not to procrastinate and do what he needs to do. I know he is super stressed about school and some about college, but I also wonder if he is depressed. I hate to put him on more medication ( already on add medication). I don't know how to help him. Right now his self esteem is super low and he says he hasn't been happy in a long time. I want him to feel better and write the papers and do the work he needs to. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

get him to a therapist/counselor

[Anonymous]

I would get the school involved by calling his counselor and letting her know about what is going on. Schools deal with this problem all the time and can be very helpful.

[Anonymous]

My kid has always been unmotivated, has inattentive ADHD and executive function problems. He is not depressed, bummed out sometimes, but not depressed.
Your kid sounds like this is a new thing for him or her? I would have them at least have a depression screening done at school and see the pediatrician for an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Maybe an Executive Functioning Coach would help. My kids are not that age yet, but this is one resource I tripped over when I was looking at things to help them be successful.
A friend who has used one says it worked wonders for her child.

[Anonymous]

HUGE red flags for depression. You need to get him professional help ASAP. Don't worry about medication at this point -- if he needs it, he needs it, but thats not your gateway issue. Depression is a serious, sometimes life threatening, illness and he is truly suffering. Call today.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the comments. I took him to a psychiatrist and we are starting medication. The teachers have been a lot more compassionate than I expected. The medication doesn't start to work for several weeks and he has exams at the end of the month. I know I shouldn't worry about his grades but he is a junior and it's hard not to.

[Anonymous]

Its going to be fine, you are doing everything right. I'm sorry you are going through this and I know its difficult, but its so much better for him to deal with this now, while he''s at home, than when he's alone at college.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I can attest that hard as it is for these symptoms to surface in high school, it is so much better than when a teen goes away to college. If you are open and treat it just as you would a physical malady with him, then he will have confidence that by seeking treatment, he will soon improve. It is very important to let him take as much of the lead in this process as possible so that he will know how and when to seek assistance in the future if needed. Starting with a medical doctor who can then decide on whether therapy and/or medication are needed is the way to go. It is very key to stress that he should not drink while on any medication due to depressive nature of alcohol.

Hard as it is, hang back a bit on the grades and just let him know you are there for him and things will work out.
I would recommend helping him to find a positive outlet for himself during this summer to help him just enjoy life a bit and rebuild his self-image. As mentioned on other boards, considering a community college for a year after high school for many students can be a very viable option to a successful college education. If you are in Virginia, I can tell you from the inside that school like UVA are more than welcoming to the junior transfers to fill the ranks of those who dropped out or transferred out themselves. Just remember - "everyone else is dealing with stuff, too." And it is so much better to get a handle on things now than having one drop out twice in college and still graduates summa cum laude I can assure you.