Stranger Anxiety

[Anonymous]

My baby has recently started having terrible stranger anxiety. She is 7 months and it started about 1 month ago. If anyone but me or DH tries to hold her, she screams hysterically like she is about to be murdered. She stops INSTANTLY when we take her back. She is also easily overwhelmed in large group settings, even if DH and I are holding her. Sometimes if a joke is told and the whole group laughs loudly at once, she will burst into tears.

She will somewhat warm to her grandparents if they are visiting for several days and they give her space for a while, but even then I can tell she's not totally comfortable.

I 100% respect her feelings and do not try to force anything on her at all, but I do feel bad for our friends/family who just want to lavish attention on her and she won't have it!

Is there anything I can do besides just waiting out the phase?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I just wanted to add that she is generally a very mellow, easy going baby. She did not have colic or fussiness before. She is a great eater/sleeper and plays well on her own as long as no strangers are around.

[Anonymous]

I was just reading Dr. Sears about this, and he recommends giving your child "It's OK" signals, smiling a lot at the new person, encouraging her to touch the "stranger" while holding her. I haven't gotten to the part where he talks about large group settings.

My son hasn't hit that stage, though, so I can't offer anything more concrete.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's a combo of stranger anxiety and temperment. With my first son, he did the exact same thing as yours=was very chill and easy to calm baby for me, but hated being "passed around" and was very weary of strangers. He often had a "serious look" on his face when others were trying to engage him. He also wasnt fond of loud sounds, but again, a great eater, sleeper, cuddler, player.

Fast forward 3.5 years and he's not a very bright, pensive, cautious toddler who's still very slow to warm up to strangers. He does great once he gets to know someone, but it's not automatic for him.

My 7mos old infant is the complete opposite. I'm parenting him the same way but he's a smiley, giggley, social little baby that doesnt mind when others hold him unless he wants to be BF.

Respect the cues your baby is giving you and dont try to force him to go to others if it really upsets him. Every baby is different IMO and it's great that he is so bonded to you and feels safe with you when overwhelmed.

You may also find that he goes in and out of stranger anxiety phases over the next few years, very normal. good luck

[Anonymous]

My 2nd child did the exact same. She has grown out of the more extreme anxiety, but I can tell she is cautious. I read a lot of books and finally decided to just watch her cues and let her dictate how to proceed. We held her close when she needed it and gave her time to warm up to other people.

My biggest problem was how to leave her for anytime. The worst months we didn't go out until she went to bed. When she got a little better I was working more so I hired a wonderful, quiet nanny that also held her close. Many months later she is much better. I think she needed the security. I am hoping to transition her to daycare, but will make sure we do everything slowly.

There have been numerous posts about this - I read them all! I really appreciated the mothers that said they didn't like strangers and got anxiety. Made me realize that babies are just the same as adults. I wouldn't walk into a new job waving my arms and being passed around. I would take a little time to check out my surroundings and adjust. Everyone is different - my husband would walk into a new place waving his arm and shouting his name!!!

Hopefully this helps. I can't believe how much better my little one has gotten in a few months. It's really hard but I just told all the people she screamed out that she didn't like strangers. Most were offended but I didn't care. I just held her tight