Should I have warned my friend about this job? Feeling a little guilty

[Anonymous]

I am up for a promotion at work, and my boss is heavily recruiting a friend of mine to fill my job. This friend used to work in the office a few years ago, and left for a better opportunity. She would be returning to a much better job if she took my job. (Her prior job was stuck with all the scut projects, and after she left, the position was eliminated). What's the rub?

My old job reports to someone who is very difficult to work with (who is not the main "boss"). She is a queen bee (see Wall Street Journal article) who hoards access and relationships, and is very controlling. Nonetheless, I still managed to wrangle a decent amount of autonomy and got to work on good projects. But if I am being honest, a good part of the reason I am taking the promotion is that I can get away from under the queen bee.

My ability to transition into the promotion is dependent on getting my job filled. My friend really wants to return to the office and take the job. I've given her the lowdown on the work I do, but didn't discuss the "queen bee" nature of the person to whom she would be reporting. On the one hand, I have a conflict of interest given my desire to move into the promotion. I also feel like she used to work in the office, so should know the reputation of the queen bee. But in talking with her today, she really has no idea what she's about to get into with QB.

If it matters, she and I are casual friends, through work, so this isn't someone I have undying loyalty to. Plus, she really wants the job!

Feedback?

[Anonymous]

If she really wants it let her take it. Besides, the queen bee might be less of a problem for her. She might have been intimidated by you, she may treat this person very different.

[Anonymous]

I agree. She will have a different personality, different dynamic, different approach. It could be better or worse than your relationship with QB.

I don't think there is anything wrong with mentioning factually what type of boss she is (her expectations) but don't say anything specific about the dynamic between the two of you.

[Anonymous]

This is a difficult one but I think you should say something about the queen bee - maybe not go into detail but if you are withholding information because you're afraid she won't take the job and then you won't get the other job, well, OP, I totally understand your position but it's not ethical to say nothing about the queen bee's behavior.

But I'm not in your situation so it's easy for me to say this. I don't know what I would do if I had to make the choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a difficult one but I think you should say something about the queen bee - maybe not go into detail but if you are withholding information because you're afraid she won't take the job and then you won't get the other job, well, OP, I totally understand your position but it's not ethical to say nothing about the queen bee's behavior.

But I'm not in your situation so it's easy for me to say this. I don't know what I would do if I had to make the choice.

+1 Definitely say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a difficult one but I think you should say something about the queen bee - maybe not go into detail but if you are withholding information because you're afraid she won't take the job and then you won't get the other job, well, OP, I totally understand your position but it's not ethical to say nothing about the queen bee's behavior.

But I'm not in your situation so it's easy for me to say this. I don't know what I would do if I had to make the choice.

+1 Definitely say something.

If it were me I'd probably say something simple and factual, that she is difficult to work with, but you developed strategies over time.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say shit. She used to work there. She should have some clue.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should say anything. You are only going to prejudice her.

If she doesn't like the job, she can always leave.

It's different if you were warning her about a safety issue. In fact, I don't think it's professional to bad mouth your coworker.

[Anonymous]

If this is a good friend, I'd say something. If it's a work friend, I wouldn't. If you say something, I'd only say she's a tricky person to work with, here's a few strategies, things to watch out for. But highlight that you were able to move on from there with a promotion, so it was a good stepping stone.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything either. She used to work there - it's a "known quantity" for her. As other PPS have said - QB dynamics with your friend may be different. If you tell her what your opinion/experience is a few things can happen; 1) she'll be prejudiced against QB 2) if she doesn't take the job she'll resent you 3) she tells QB or others what you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is a good friend, I'd say something. If it's a work friend, I wouldn't. If you say something, I'd only say she's a tricky person to work with, here's a few strategies, things to watch out for. But highlight that you were able to move on from there with a promotion, so it was a good stepping stone.

I agree with this.
I was recently in a similar situation. Queen bee managing director, one guy left because of her and we were interviewing people to fill the space. One guy came in to interview, who I know in the industry. He would have been great to work with, didn't like how his current boss restructured things, but would be moving his family of 4 from the west coast (born, raised, schooled, worked). I was torn because I didn't want him to make such a major mistake.
When he came in he was on the ball, he asked a lot of questions on the team culture, mgmt style, leadership and "what kind of person would enjoy working here." I tactfully and positively answered those questions and also told him to speak to the people who used to be in the group. In the end, he turned down our offer and took another, much better one.
Meanwhile, our group is approaching 50%+ attrition.

So if the person cares about his /her work environment, the onus is on them to ask the right questions and do references on the boss. I know I will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything either. She used to work there - it's a "known quantity" for her. As other PPS have said - QB dynamics with your friend may be different. If you tell her what your opinion/experience is a few things can happen; 1) she'll be prejudiced against QB 2) if she doesn't take the job she'll resent you 3) she tells QB or others what you said.

I also agree with this, be careful what you say. Most likely the new person shows up thinking he's great, ready to razzle/dazzle, and work super hard and longer hours. So if anyone else is griping he won't know if it's because you're bad at working with people or the boss is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything either. She used to work there - it's a "known quantity" for her. As other PPS have said - QB dynamics with your friend may be different. If you tell her what your opinion/experience is a few things can happen; 1) she'll be prejudiced against QB 2) if she doesn't take the job she'll resent you 3) she tells QB or others what you said.

+1, you should write a book!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything either. She used to work there - it's a "known quantity" for her. As other PPS have said - QB dynamics with your friend may be different. If you tell her what your opinion/experience is a few things can happen; 1) she'll be prejudiced against QB 2) if she doesn't take the job she'll resent you 3) she tells QB or others what you said.

+1, you should write a book!

Thanks!