Stir Crazy SAHM ! What to do during the day?

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm a new mom. I have no idea what to do with myself during the day. My baby isn't on a schedule yet (9 weeks), and I'm sure as heck not, either. I need help figuring out what to do before I go insane.

Here's our typical day of "unscheduledness":
8 am: first feeding, play with daddy, diapers
9 am: daddy leaves, mom and baby sleep again
10 am: baby wakes, mommy feeds, goes back to sleep because she's beat
11 am: awake for the day, sometimes. baby in swing, mommy eats surfs net
12 pm-5:30: Okay, now we are really awake and moving. Play with baby, tummy time, change baby, baby sleeps. When baby sleeps, some laundry and dishes, general picking up. Some net surfing if I can. Barely returning any phone calls.
5:30 change out of pajamas so daddy doesn't see how lazy mommy is
6:00 daddy home, plays with baby as mommy cooks dinner
7:30: baby gets bath, ready for bed, eats and down by 8:30
8:30 -10:30 daddy finishes up any work, mommy finishes laundry and does dishes from dinner, they talk and make out sometimes
10:30 baby up for eating, daddy and baby both back to bed
10:30-2 am Mommy needs alone time for bath, emails, surfing net, generally not being relied upon by anyone time. Knows she should go to bed earlier, but can't bring herself to for some reason.
2am: baby eats, mommy crashes and baby go back to bed
4:30-5 am baby eats again
8:00 restart

Before the weather got cold, we took one good walk per day in a sling. I've taken her out for shopping when I thought I would lose my mind, but we don't really have any more money to spend right now, and I feel guilty ruining her naptime by keeping her out and about. I've met up with friends during the day twice for lunch, had doctor's appointments, etc. Its pretty sad when you look at getting out for a doctor's appointment as your big achievement and excitement for the day!

I'm getting more and more bored and stir crazy, yet am still exhausted and can't imagine getting my lazy butt out of bed and the house before 11 or noon. Am I normal or completely dysfunctional? I feel that I have no energy and should go to bed at 10:30, but those quiet hours alone are so precious.

I won't be going back to work full time because my salary wouldn't cover a nanny (dance teacher). I will start to teach about 6 hours per week, in the evening when hubby watches baby, next month. I have to get myself on some kind of healthy, normal schedule and lifestyle.

Any ideas what to do with myself? Advice? Chastisements? Am I just not SAHM material?

[Anonymous]

I am not a SAHM, but I think you need to (1) get out of your house and (2) meet up with some other new moms.

I would try to get out of the house at more or less the same time every day -- for now it will help keep you on a schedule and soon it will be a good routine for your baby. You could see if there are any PACE groups in your area, or just hook up w/new moms on DCUM or Craigslist.

Also, you definitely need to go to bed earlier! (I can't come down too hard on you b/c I often stay up too late, too). Bring a book to bed and you'll get some relaxation & alone time, but hopefully will fall asleep sooner than if you're just up puttering around the house or watching tv or the pc.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

So does going out awaken the baby during 12-530pm?

You don't have to necessarily go shopping as an excuse to get out of the house. I used to just walk around the mall, sit in Barnes & Noble and read/people watch, go for afternoon strolls (it's not so chilly in the middle of the afternoon, nice fresh air actually), visit the museum, and visit other SAHMs.

This is the best time, the 9 week old stage, to get things done, get out (relatively hassle free), and move. Before you know it, your baby won't be quite as "low maintainance" and you'll wish for more quiet time for yourself and the ability to up-and-go.

Enjoy this time - unproductive or not - it's what you make of it.

[Anonymous]

The first thing I did when my DS was born was join a new moms support group that had about 30 other women with infants. I made a lot of friends. The problem with your schedule is that you are not getting out and meeting other people and socializing. Forget the schedule-really. Also, you have to get to sleep MUCH earlier, as you are spending the entire morning which is prime time for getting up dressed and out of the house.

As hard as it was, I always got up when DH got up for work and took my shower, put make-up, and got dressed before DH left for work. It feels geat to start your day showered and ready to go. I suggest checking out Fly Lady, she really helped keep me organized and sane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So does going out awaken the baby during 12-530pm?

You don't have to necessarily go shopping as an excuse to get out of the house. I used to just walk around the mall, sit in Barnes & Noble and read/people watch, go for afternoon strolls (it's not so chilly in the middle of the afternoon, nice fresh air actually), visit the museum, and visit other SAHMs.

This is the best time, the 9 week old stage, to get things done, get out (relatively hassle free), and move. Before you know it, your baby won't be quite as "low maintainance" and you'll wish for more quiet time for yourself and the ability to up-and-go.

Enjoy this time - unproductive or not - it's what you make of it.

For real! Believe it or not 9weeks is the easy stage. You can do whatever you want during the day. You'll have to get yourself organized now b/c it does not get any easier.

[Anonymous]

Your schedule looks just like mine! (Except for the constant pumping, as I am doing now.)

The best thing that I did was hooking up with two new mom's groups. There are movies, lunches, coffees, etc. Sometimes we make them, sometimes we don't. But it is nice having the option to get out and be with people who are doing and feeling the same things I am.

And I agree with the other posters. Enjoy this time. My baby turned two months old today, and just "woke up" to the world. I could take her anywhere and she would sleep, wake up and eat, then go back to sleep. She is healthy and thriving, but I was a bit concerned about just HOW peaceful she was.

You mentioned that you are a dance teacher. My baby and I dance around after her stomach has settled from a good nursing. She loves it, and I love moving around. She seems to like George Clinton and Gnarles Barkley the most. We mix it up with Ozomalti. Good times.

[Anonymous]

Not sure where you're located, but I see that Holy Cross Hospital in Silver Spring still offers a new moms "course" I took 4 years ago. It's called something like "And life goes on: a course for new moms.") It meets for 6 weeks on Wednesday mornings from 10-11:30. You bring the baby. You sit on the floor, and they have facilitators who just engage the moms in talk about babies and parenthood. Over 4 years later, we are still friends with many of the moms in that group and with their now-preschoolers!

[Anonymous]

Holy smokes, give a new mom a break! It took me about 3 mo. before I got out of my PJs before supper time. Frankly, I never found taking a shower worth it b/c before you know it, I had baby pee or leaky breast milk all over me! Paying a bill, stamping a letter, etc. were great daily accomplishments! I do agree with some of the PPs about trying to find a new mom's group in your neighborhood. Those early weeks/months can be 1) very lonely and 2) very boring. Oh yeah, and 3) very exhausting. Don't beat yourself up. Take advantage of your baby NOT being on a schedule (except eating) and try to get out of the house earlier. But really, the best thing is finding other new moms who are going through the same thing so you can vent and also be reassured that you are not the only one who feels the way you do. Hang in there. It gets both easier AND harder.

[Anonymous]

It's really not too cold yet to be outside with your baby. Bundle up and it will really do you both some good.

[Anonymous]

If you're actually getting dressed each day, I think you're doing fine. No need to prove anything to anyone when you aren't getting your usual 8 hours of sleep each night.

That said, life as a SAHM is infinitely better once you have a couple of other SAHMs to do things with. It makes the time pass faster, which is obviously the goal at this stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy smokes, give a new mom a break! It took me about 3 mo. before I got out of my PJs before supper time. Frankly, I never found taking a shower worth it b/c before you know it, I had baby pee or leaky breast milk all over me! Paying a bill, stamping a letter, etc. were great daily accomplishments! I do agree with some of the PPs about trying to find a new mom's group in your neighborhood. Those early weeks/months can be 1) very lonely and 2) very boring. Oh yeah, and 3) very exhausting. Don't beat yourself up. Take advantage of your baby NOT being on a schedule (except eating) and try to get out of the house earlier. But really, the best thing is finding other new moms who are going through the same thing so you can vent and also be reassured that you are not the only one who feels the way you do. Hang in there. It gets both easier AND harder.

I'm with you on this! It is hard in the beginning so even if you can make a call to a friend or walk/drive to sit and have a cup of tea or whatever (be around people), you will feel better. I really wasn't able to connect with other moms at this stage yet because I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed by taking care of my daughter. First of all, she was not easy to take anywhere that required driving. She would scream bloody murder whenever she was in her carseat and I could not take her for a stroll because the same thing would happen in the stroller. So basically I was confined to my neighborhood where I could put her in the baby bjorn and walk around. God forbid I were to stop and sit down somewhere. The screaming would begin.
I have a great friend whose baby was born the same time mine was, so we were able to commiserate on a daily basis over the phone and to get together every couple of weeks or so. However, if you don't have friends in your situation, there are tons of mom groups in the area that can offer support. Plus it will motivate you to get out. But don't feel like you HAVE to do this. Do it when you aren't so tired.

[Anonymous]

I find what you are capable of doing totally depends on the tempermant of the baby. I found it near impossible to get out of the house with my DS when he was 2 months old because he was a crankypants almost all the time (he had reflux). I was literally housebound the first three months of his life because I was simply too exhausted (and embarrased) to tote around a loudly crying baby who was miserable. It is tough but it gets better. The things that kept me sane during that time were working out (we have a treadmill), taking a shower every day, and having people come to visit me at MY house. I was in no position to tote him around to new moms groups at that stage.

Around 4 or 5 months I was able to get out more. Now we are out and about all the time. Give yourself a break. I know that it is hard - I remember that awful combination of exhaustion, stress, boredom, and loneliness during those early months. It does get better.

[Anonymous]

My child is 16 months old and there are still days we do not get out of the house, shower or get much done. DC can now climb out of the crib and pack n' play so unless someone is home I can't leave him alone in the crib. Can't run to the basement, can't leave him in a room alone. It gets better but give yourself a break! Sounds like you are doin well. If anything just go for a walk. It runs the clock down and you get some fresh air.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with staying in one's jammies!! I used to watch documentaries while the baby snoozed to insert a little intellectual content into my day. But honestly, you will not believe how quickly this time goes by, so relax and revel in your boredom while you can! Before you know it, you will be doing mommy and me classes, playdates, birthday parties, and on and on. You will be missing the quiet downtime.

[Anonymous]

Just wait a few more weeks. Your baby is about to become so much fun. Pretty soon she's going to start noticing everything, grabbing at toys, babbling all the time. It will be more fun.