May wedding Dress Code

[Anonymous]

My child is a flower girl for wedding 1000 miles away I'm taking my family of five, paying for our clothes, airfare, hotel.
I have just discovered the dress code is Summer Cocktail for females and Business Casual for males. Would anyone else be offended by that?

[Anonymous]

I may be missing something but why would you be offended?

[Anonymous]

Yikes! What a waste of money!

[Anonymous]

I don't get the outrage either. What's the problem with the dress code?

[Anonymous]

Seems like a considerate dress code to me. Black tie is something that can piss people off because many people would have to go out and rent something.

[Anonymous]

Summer Cocktail is Lilly, Milly or any other bright fun dress. What is your problem with this op? Your DH/ DS can wear kackis and a navy blazer. super easy

[Anonymous]

Is it at a beach resort?

[Anonymous]

I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it at a beach resort?

No. It is a large Rural location that specializes in weddings. The Wedding Party is over 30 people.
OP

[Anonymous]

Think maybe because men would have no clue what to wear to a summer cocktail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! What a waste of money!

Thanks. It is like the last straw. The groom and his family are paying most of the expense. Such weddings in my view, are a waste of money and my niece certainly does not have that sort of money although she is who wants a big wedding. I can afford "my share" which is my families' expenses and am completely willing. The tension began with the flowers girls' dresses. my two DDs are the flower girls. I got from bride a link with a wedding dress web site and I dutifully measured and ordered/paid for the dresses the bride wanted them to wear using the link. Unknown to me the dresses were made in China. They arrived and they are too big and they make my DDs look rather silly. Now I am under great pressure to take them to a tailor and have these dresses altered quickly before the May wedding. My family is trying to "do the right thing" From my view, I followed the directions exactly and sent the correct measurements to the bridalshop. But now the dress size issue is of course all my fault. In this context, I am insulted that I'm supposed to find a cute summer dress to wear (which I don't have) while my DH can just put on basically anything in his closet and demonstrate how he is a bread winner and I am a pooliside cocktail sipper.
OP

[Anonymous]

Chill out Maude, no one is questioning your worthiness in the workforce. Have fun and who gives a crap how much the wedding is? Is it your money? Riiiight, calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP

Oh my. http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/05/28/101-being-offended/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! What a waste of money!

Thanks. It is like the last straw. The groom and his family are paying most of the expense. Such weddings in my view, are a waste of money and my niece certainly does not have that sort of money although she is who wants a big wedding. I can afford "my share" which is my families' expenses and am completely willing. The tension began with the flowers girls' dresses. my two DDs are the flower girls. I got from bride a link with a wedding dress web site and I dutifully measured and ordered/paid for the dresses the bride wanted them to wear using the link. Unknown to me the dresses were made in China. They arrived and they are too big and they make my DDs look rather silly. Now I am under great pressure to take them to a tailor and have these dresses altered quickly before the May wedding. My family is trying to "do the right thing" From my view, I followed the directions exactly and sent the correct measurements to the bridalshop. But now the dress size issue is of course all my fault. In this context, I am insulted that I'm supposed to find a cute summer dress to wear (which I don't have) while my DH can just put on basically anything in his closet and demonstrate how he is a bread winner and I am a pooliside cocktail sipper.
OP

Having to alter the bridal party dresses is pretty common. Chill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chill out Maude, no one is questioning your worthiness in the workforce. Have fun and who gives a crap how much the wedding is? Is it your money? Riiiight, calm down.

I appreciate your perspective. I agree I should calm down. But I believe a lot of it is "my money" and I believe it does matter how much the wedding is. So I struggle some to follow your logic. It is really hard for me to imagine I could "have fun" in this context. Now I realize there is a lavish dinner involved, my intention was to attend a wedding, not a banquet at the expense of someone who is a stranger to me and will likely remain so. I wonder if watching old Maude episodes would help me, as I don't really remember them.
OP