emailing a friend of a friend: struggling with a draft

[Anonymous]

A longtime (15+ year) friend worked with a person directly for 8 years in government. They are both now private sector. The friend's former colleague, whom she is still in touch with now leads a division at a large company. The company has 3 openings I am very interested in, and it's impossible to get a foot in the door. My friend told me to write her former colleague and ask for help getting my resume in. The positions are not in his division directly.

I am really struggling with this, as I do not want to seem too demanding or self serving. What I am asking for is a favor--a large one--but I am very qualified, and am grateful.

What do you think of this:

Dear Name--

Name was kind enough to pass your email address to me. I am writing because xxx company has three current openings that I am very interested in. Would you be willing to pass along my resume and provide me with an internal contact I could follow up with? I am very grateful for any help. I hope our paths might cross through name friend sometime soon.

Many thanks

Me

[Anonymous]

Has your friend spoken with this person? Do they know you will be making contact?

[Anonymous]

Can your friend put in a good word for you directly to the person?

[Anonymous]

OP: yes, she has

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs - your mutual contact should make first intro, even if just via email - phone call to verify willingness to help would be ideal.

I wouldn't use the word grateful - "sincerely appreciate" sounds more professional

I'd include your resume as a an attachment, and mention in the cover letter that your professional skills and experience align nicely with the requirements of the three positions so s/he knows you're credible.

[Anonymous]

I think what you have is good. But you might consider adding 1-3 sentences about why you're a good fit for the positions (assuming they're similar enougj) or the company. Something like, "As Betty may have told you, your firm's service is similar to that produced by American Widget, where I worked for five years, and would also provide an opportunity for me to use my knowledge of 19th century industrial design."

[Anonymous]

How time sensitive is all this? I would lead with a request to talk to him about the positions and the company and your qualifications. When I have those kinds of conversations with people interested in my firm, they almost always end with me offering to pass on their resume (or them asking).

That way he knows more about you when he passes on your resume and may feel more comfortable doing it.

[Anonymous]

OP: I want to ask him for time on his calendar but I know those types of requests make already busy people groan.

[Anonymous]

OP here: bit the bullet and sent. He has already responded "happy to help"

Good news!

[Anonymous]

i have to agree with the pp that says to try to get a meeting with him. when you meet with someone in person, or even just talk by phone, they get a better sense of who you are... and if they like you, they will push harder for you.