Did you have $400k to 500k in cc debt? |
This is all basic finance, magic of compounding, early investing and all that. How do you know no doctor is struggling financially? Because you work in a hospital and have seen them driving their Tesla’s and Range Rovers? Lol |
Forcing your wife to pay for your fancy degrees is the antithesis of manly. The guy is using her full stop. If this was some elderly widow we’d all tell OP to call the cops on the con artist trying to take advantage of her. But because it’s a naive and gullible young lady it’s okay? |
DH and I are still paying off my grad school loan. We have combined bank accounts so it’s not like there’s any way to actually delineate who’s paying what on it. He also supported me while I stopped working for two years to do it. But he has benefited from my going back to school. I increased my income by over three times what I was making before. We get to live in a nicer house and go on nicer vacations and do nicer things for our kids because of it.
I could see where if a married couple keeps separate finances it would be tricky because doing that maintains the ‘his’ vs ‘hers’ mindset. This is bad for a marriage. |
And what math tell you that a $150k salary is better than $500k+ over the long run? Trump University degree? LOL. |
I haven't read all the replies but we also both worked hard to pay off my husband's medical school debt in our early marriage. My brother and his wife did the same. Now all parties reap the benefit of that (a steady, high income). |
Aw are you a bitter dr with excessive debt and a high income that gets you nowhere financially? Don’t get too mad when your IT or lawyer neighbors accumulate a way higher net worth than you while your old a$$ is struggling to hold instruments in the OR or hobbling from room to room seeing patients. |
It's because this forum is full of indebted strivers hoping to marry rich and/or marry a high earner who will bail them out. |
Two Options:
1. Daughter and Son-in-law keep totally separate finances and do so throughout their marriage. He pays his debt and half of bills. She pays her half of bills. 2. Daughter and son-in-law have joint finances and both contribute to bills, debt, savings, etc. I don't understand why this is so difficult. Regardless of whether she came to you, you need to stay out of it and every other of their marital decisions. |
It sounds like there may be some larger issues in this marriage. I was the one in a graduate professional program during a marriage. Spouse (employed with a good job) made it clear that they would not provide any financial assistance (although I'm fully sure they expected to benefit from my later salary). Well, we are no longer married and said former spouse is not benefiting from my income. |
Maybe he doesn’t care bc he has a good job and didn’t have to support a taker. In today’s world, with skyrocketing tuition and declining incomes, it’s irresponsible for people to take on massive debt and just rely on their spouse to help pay it off. If your parents didn’t pay, what business do you have saddling an unsuspecting spouse with debt? |
+100000 |
+1 And for medical school, you attend where you get accepted. You don't get to pick and choose. State schools are really difficult to get into for Med school/PT/OT/Law because they are more affordable and everyone obviously wants to save $$ on med school |
So does the reverse work? Now they are married, once he pays off "his debt" is his income all his to spend as he sees fit? He pays half the living expenses and she pays the other half? Even if he makes $300K and she makes $75K? Why should he contribute more than half, if there's a chance she will leave him for someone else in 5 years? Me personally, I choose carefully for getting married, and that includes real discussions about finances and everything else in life. If you are not on a similar page for most things, then don't get married. But I cannot imagine being married to someone who views finances as "theirs" and"mine" We are a team, and as such we do what financially benefits the entire family most. I don't go thru life planning as if my marriage is a sham and will be over in 4-5 years. |
Apparently many do not "work in the faith of the marriage". They are constantly thinking 50% of marriages end badly and I need to protect myself. Whereas if they put more effort into selecting a good partner (ie discussions about the difficult topics) and then working together as a team, they might not have to worry about it. I mean seriously, would you want to be in a relationship where one person makes 3x what the other makes and decides they get to drive a $80K sports car because they make more money while the other partner can only afford a $20K Kia because that is all they contribute? Me, I'd prefer we be in a relationship where we both drive $30K cars and then make a joint decision to save for a nicer car if one really values that. But No I will never understand, "I make more money so I get to spend more money on myself" That doesn't seem like a healthy relationship. We paid off $80K of my partners student loans (I had $10K) when we got married. We then saved for home downpayment. It was joint. We always discuss major financial purchases---it's just now that number is up to ~$1K of "play money/you make the choice". I was making over $100K at age 28, partner was making $200K+. They were on the path to C suite. We decided to have kids and it was my choice to be the primary caregiver---I could work full time/part time and we'd pay for daycare or a nanny (my choice) or I could stay at home. We made the choice that I was the primary caregiver and as such that meant I contributed to the household In many ways more than a paycheck. I was never given an "allowance". In fact Im the one who manages our finances and we joke my partner has no clue where the money is (While it's actually true, it's their choice and they know the basics and I offer to give more information whenever they want it). I managed all of the finances, investing, etc. You do whatever works for you, but it seems unhealthy not to manage finances as a largely joint effort. Someone making $50K/year should not be afforded less while their spouse spends on themself just because they "earn more". |