Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From another poster on different thread which sums the situation up perfectly:


When your partner cheats on you, you are in an open marriage, without your knowledge or consent. You are potentially exposed to stis and stds, some of which are lifelong, some of which can affect your fertility, some of which can lead to your death.

“People can “dissolve” the marriage without doing those things. It’s called asking for a divorce. It’s called retaining an attorney and filing the divorce paperwork.

The problem is that the cheating partner is not “dissolving” the marriage, they want the stability and benefits of marriage and secret sex at the same time.

Consent is taken away from the partner who is unaware their partner is cheating. They have no ability to make their own decisions about their life. The cheater makes their decisions based on what they want only. “

This is why you tell.

10/10. Ex cheated with someone with the incurable std. I’m good btw but it was a nightmare.

DP. I'm glad that you're OK, PP. And glad that you posted. There are some people who post on this forum who constantly dismiss STIs as no big deal and nothing to consider in relationship issues but they're so wrong. Not all are curable. And STIs overall are on the rise in the past few years. Betrayed spouses need to know about affairs so they get tested--for their own sakes and for their kids' sakes too (because kids need a healthy parent).

HPV leads to cervical, throat and anal cancers.

Most of the population is exposed to HPV. Look it up. Cervical only happens when someone does not get regular Pap smears.

One affair partner has much less chance than giving an STD when single before getting married.

Stop fear mongering.

Signed,
Not a cheater

Look, the head-in-the-sand "Don't think about STIs, they don't really matter" poster finaliy found the thread.

The bold above is nonsense. Proofread your posts better, troll. "Cervical only happens when someone does not get regular Pap smears." No, idiot, cervical cancer is detected by smears; it happens whether or not a woman gets a smear to detect it. Do you even understand the difference between what you wrote and how cancer "happens"?

The "stop fear mongering" people on DCUM have a strange need to downplay the potential for STIs. I've seen posts like this over the years on this forum. The ignorance is staggering. The simplest Google search will turn up reputable studies about the rise in STIs overall in the US in recent years. But these posters must think they're magically immune and they cling to their "scientific" belief that, eh, it's really very rare, it's less likely in an affair between married people, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would. Not to be vengeful but because I think people have a right to know if their spouse is cheating and there is a 3rd sexual partner in their marriage. I would want to be told if he knew.

There is that.

[Anonymous]

I get the hurt and anger, OP and I'm sorry this has happened. I was cheated on. I wish I had been told before I had chlamydia. I would tell the other spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From another poster on different thread which sums the situation up perfectly:


When your partner cheats on you, you are in an open marriage, without your knowledge or consent. You are potentially exposed to stis and stds, some of which are lifelong, some of which can affect your fertility, some of which can lead to your death.

“People can “dissolve” the marriage without doing those things. It’s called asking for a divorce. It’s called retaining an attorney and filing the divorce paperwork.

The problem is that the cheating partner is not “dissolving” the marriage, they want the stability and benefits of marriage and secret sex at the same time.

Consent is taken away from the partner who is unaware their partner is cheating. They have no ability to make their own decisions about their life. The cheater makes their decisions based on what they want only. “

This is why you tell.

10/10. Ex cheated with someone with the incurable std. I’m good btw but it was a nightmare.

DP. I'm glad that you're OK, PP. And glad that you posted. There are some people who post on this forum who constantly dismiss STIs as no big deal and nothing to consider in relationship issues but they're so wrong. Not all are curable. And STIs overall are on the rise in the past few years. Betrayed spouses need to know about affairs so they get tested--for their own sakes and for their kids' sakes too (because kids need a healthy parent).

HPV leads to cervical, throat and anal cancers.

Most of the population is exposed to HPV. Look it up. Cervical only happens when someone does not get regular Pap smears.

One affair partner has much less chance than giving an STD when single before getting married.

Stop fear mongering.

Signed,
Not a cheater

Look, the head-in-the-sand "Don't think about STIs, they don't really matter" poster finaliy found the thread.

The bold above is nonsense. Proofread your posts better, troll. "Cervical only happens when someone does not get regular Pap smears." No, idiot, cervical cancer is detected by smears; it happens whether or not a woman gets a smear to detect it. Do you even understand the difference between what you wrote and how cancer "happens"?

The "stop fear mongering" people on DCUM have a strange need to downplay the potential for STIs. I've seen posts like this over the years on this forum. The ignorance is staggering. The simplest Google search will turn up reputable studies about the rise in STIs overall in the US in recent years. But these posters must think they're magically immune and they cling to their "scientific" belief that, eh, it's really very rare, it's less likely in an affair between married people, whatever.

+ 1 million

And I do research involved with STi bacteria and viruses and horrified to find out my spouse was exposing me to them banging fellow married whores off of AM. Cesspool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:blow it UP!!!

100% BOOM!!!

People deserve the truth in their marriage and for their own health risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find ironic is the women cheaters bashing anyone who suggests disclosing the affair to the spouse because 'she doesn't know the Ow or the other spouse', that 'they don't care about you or your family' so it's not the AP's fault and they should stay out of the marriage, blah blah blah...then they turn around and use the same argument to support their actions to HAVE the affair 'I didn't know the betrayed spouse. I didn't care about her/his family'...falling short of "I should have stayed out of their marriage' when it's about their cheating.

Real pieces of work. Not good people. Something not right in the head, missing the empathy, self awareness and logic chip.

I used to think that cheaters were the scum of the earth until my spouse unilaterally decided that sex and affection and kindness towards me was not worth the effort. The life we built together was so good and he hadn't always been that way and I just couldn't understand what happened. It was so lonely, so I do not blame someone who finds a connection with another person in a circumstance like that.

[Anonymous]

^ I do. You probably were banging mem sho were having sex with three wives regularly and had zero idea they were banging women like you on the side. The trauma induced from finding out stays with you for life.

Just get a fkkkkkkmg divorce if your marriage is that bad. Seriously. And if it was that bad- you shoukd have had a gddamn job to support yourself. Thank his I had a job and my own retirement and found leave when I needed to.

[Anonymous]

* their wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this and regret it.

The DH believed the woman’s lie that I’m crazy. The DH even reached out to my DH to share how mentally ill I am and that I’m reaching out to his family with lies. It made a bad situation even worse.

Focus on your own life. Your revenge is living a nice life.

That’s why if you do, you would have to share hard proof (if requested).

Definitely share, she has a right to make her informed choice, not what others think is best for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I do. You probably were banging mem sho were having sex with three wives regularly and had zero idea they were banging women like you on the side. The trauma induced from finding out stays with you for life.

Just get a fkkkkkkmg divorce if your marriage is that bad. Seriously. And if it was that bad- you shoukd have had a gddamn job to support yourself. Thank his I had a job and my own retirement and found leave when I needed to.

I have never so much as had a coffee with a man that my husband didn’t know about, much less cheating. Our marriage is in a very loving and good place now, and we have always supported each other through our careers. But I still don’t judge.

But hey, whatever gets you through the day. You clearly need some help dealing with your feelings about this. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I do. You probably were banging mem sho were having sex with three wives regularly and had zero idea they were banging women like you on the side. The trauma induced from finding out stays with you for life.

Just get a fkkkkkkmg divorce if your marriage is that bad. Seriously. And if it was that bad- you shoukd have had a gddamn job to support yourself. Thank his I had a job and my own retirement and found leave when I needed to.

Why stay with a man that traumatized you for life? I don’t get it, you are able to forgive your spouse and continue to have sex with them, but the AP is the one to blame? I was say you look like a fool if you tell anyone and stay with the cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I do. You probably were banging mem sho were having sex with three wives regularly and had zero idea they were banging women like you on the side. The trauma induced from finding out stays with you for life.

Just get a fkkkkkkmg divorce if your marriage is that bad. Seriously. And if it was that bad- you shoukd have had a gddamn job to support yourself. Thank his I had a job and my own retirement and found leave when I needed to.

Why stay with a man that traumatized you for life? I don’t get it, you are able to forgive your spouse and continue to have sex with them, but the AP is the one to blame? I was say you look like a fool if you tell anyone and stay with the cheater.

Where the fk does it say I stayed^? I didn’t. Glad I had a great career and retirement myself to be able to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this and regret it.

The DH believed the woman’s lie that I’m crazy. The DH even reached out to my DH to share how mentally ill I am and that I’m reaching out to his family with lies. It made a bad situation even worse.

Focus on your own life. Your revenge is living a nice life.

That’s why if you do, you would have to share hard proof (if requested).

Definitely share, she has a right to make her informed choice, not what others think is best for her.

Just spell it out in an anonymous email—give as much detail as possible, dates of things, who else knows, if an overnight-where/when, etc., times they met up, how they communicated, etc.

Then let it go. You will have done your due diligence and can go on with your own life.

Don’t feel any guilt. If someone was willing to come mess with your family/life in such a way- it no way compared to one simple email or call that is merely calling out facts so the spouse can know the reality of their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I do. You probably were banging mem sho were having sex with three wives regularly and had zero idea they were banging women like you on the side. The trauma induced from finding out stays with you for life.

Just get a fkkkkkkmg divorce if your marriage is that bad. Seriously. And if it was that bad- you shoukd have had a gddamn job to support yourself. Thank his I had a job and my own retirement and found leave when I needed to.

Why stay with a man that traumatized you for life? I don’t get it, you are able to forgive your spouse and continue to have sex with them, but the AP is the one to blame? I was say you look like a fool if you tell anyone and stay with the cheater.

Where the fk does it say I stayed^? I didn’t. Glad I had a great career and retirement myself to be able to do so.

You seem more angry and damaged than "glad."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From another poster on different thread which sums the situation up perfectly:


When your partner cheats on you, you are in an open marriage, without your knowledge or consent. You are potentially exposed to stis and stds, some of which are lifelong, some of which can affect your fertility, some of which can lead to your death.

“People can “dissolve” the marriage without doing those things. It’s called asking for a divorce. It’s called retaining an attorney and filing the divorce paperwork.

The problem is that the cheating partner is not “dissolving” the marriage, they want the stability and benefits of marriage and secret sex at the same time.

Consent is taken away from the partner who is unaware their partner is cheating. They have no ability to make their own decisions about their life. The cheater makes their decisions based on what they want only. “

This is why you tell.

10/10. Ex cheated with someone with the incurable std. I’m good btw but it was a nightmare.

DP. I'm glad that you're OK, PP. And glad that you posted. There are some people who post on this forum who constantly dismiss STIs as no big deal and nothing to consider in relationship issues but they're so wrong. Not all are curable. And STIs overall are on the rise in the past few years. Betrayed spouses need to know about affairs so they get tested--for their own sakes and for their kids' sakes too (because kids need a healthy parent).

HPV leads to cervical, throat and anal cancers.

Most of the population is exposed to HPV. Look it up. Cervical only happens when someone does not get regular Pap smears.

One affair partner has much less chance than giving an STD when single before getting married.

Stop fear mongering.

Signed,
Not a cheater

Look, the head-in-the-sand "Don't think about STIs, they don't really matter" poster finaliy found the thread.

The bold above is nonsense. Proofread your posts better, troll. "Cervical only happens when someone does not get regular Pap smears." No, idiot, cervical cancer is detected by smears; it happens whether or not a woman gets a smear to detect it. Do you even understand the difference between what you wrote and how cancer "happens"?

The "stop fear mongering" people on DCUM have a strange need to downplay the potential for STIs. I've seen posts like this over the years on this forum. The ignorance is staggering. The simplest Google search will turn up reputable studies about the rise in STIs overall in the US in recent years. But these posters must think they're magically immune and they cling to their "scientific" belief that, eh, it's really very rare, it's less likely in an affair between married people, whatever.

You clearly have not had HPV detected on a pap. Very common and precancerous cells are easily detected by a pap and treatable. I got it after marriage.

It is not a big deal. Most people are much for at risk for STDs single than one affair partner.

Most women will get hpv by 50.
Most never know they have it: most times, your body clears it and it never is an issue.

You are really ignorant in these issues.