Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP and I respectfully disagree, and I’ve toured at least 20 infant programs here in DC and have a background in early childhood education. To all those disagreeing with me, go take care of 3-4 infants for 8 hours a day and report back on how it went and how much time you had to spend with each one giving them cuddles and nurturing. The ratios are the problem and the lack of government subsidies for early childhood Ed, particularly for infants and toddlers whose need for individual 1:1 relationships with a caregiver is much higher then that means need for socialization that older toddlers and preschoolers benefit from. 1:3 or 1:4 makes it very hard for caregivers to do much beyond meeting basic needs.

Nobody is saying there aren't bad daycares. But, in answer to OP's question, what she is describing is not something many of us experienced and it's not something I or other PP's would be happy with. There are many, many daycares that can effectively keep track of feedings, diaper changes and naps. It does not sound like they are doing a good job of taking care of the children's basic needs.

As far as ratios go I agree. I don't know how one person can care for 4 babies at a time. I know that at our daycare in MD they actually do 1:2 in the 0-24 month room, which seems reasonable to me. Many people have their children at in-home daycares where in MD they can only have 2 babies, and there is one person who is assigned to them. You don't have to get a nanny or nanny share to get a good ratio.

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

My son's daycare I got real-time updates on diapers and bottles on the app and they did a lot of activities (mostly with the older kids). I will say while two people were constantly assigned to the room there was almost always an extra person on giving bottles or changing diapers. Good daycare is definitely a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and I respectfully disagree, and I’ve toured at least 20 infant programs here in DC and have a background in early childhood education. To all those disagreeing with me, go take care of 3-4 infants for 8 hours a day and report back on how it went and how much time you had to spend with each one giving them cuddles and nurturing. The ratios are the problem and the lack of government subsidies for early childhood Ed, particularly for infants and toddlers whose need for individual 1:1 relationships with a caregiver is much higher then that means need for socialization that older toddlers and preschoolers benefit from. 1:3 or 1:4 makes it very hard for caregivers to do much beyond meeting basic needs.

Nobody is saying there aren't bad daycares. But, in answer to OP's question, what she is describing is not something many of us experienced and it's not something I or other PP's would be happy with. There are many, many daycares that can effectively keep track of feedings, diaper changes and naps. It does not sound like they are doing a good job of taking care of the children's basic needs.

As far as ratios go I agree. I don't know how one person can care for 4 babies at a time. I know that at our daycare in MD they actually do 1:2 in the 0-24 month room, which seems reasonable to me. Many people have their children at in-home daycares where in MD they can only have 2 babies, and there is one person who is assigned to them. You don't have to get a nanny or nanny share to get a good ratio.

I don't believe the person you are responding to is talking about good daycare or bad daycare. She probably wants to emphasize how it is impossible to take care of 3-4 infants at the same time beyond just doing the basics, regardless of whether the place is good or bad. It is a ridiculously difficult thing to do and most people will agree that it is very hard it is to deal with infants due to how needy they are and the fact that they cannot verbalize their needs yet.

The infancy phase is honestly the most mentally and physically exhausting part of taking care of children. They need to be held, then fed, then burped, etc. And they may or may not nap well. It's why new mothers are always exhausted. Of course there are people with unicorn babies who are easy, but most infants require a lot of hard work. Also it is probably very common for multiple infants to start screaming at the same time for whatever reason and then whoever's taking care of them needs to attend to both.

However, the poster has unrealistic expectations if she expects that her child will do a ton of things with the caretaker. That's just not a realistic expectation when you have someone who has to divide their attention between multiple very needy babies. If you want your child to be prioritized and to do all these things beyond the basics, then you have to either pay a nanny to care for your child alone or stay home and do it yourself. There are pros and cons to all approaches but it all comes down to what you want and what you're comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FTM at my very first daycare so interested in everyone's thoughts.

My son is 3 months and just started daycare. Due to COVID, all the "visits" were virtual but they told me that they send daily activity sheets through an app...great. My son was born early and very small so my husband and I like to keep track of his feeds to make sure we're generally at a good place with calories.

Well on his first day of daycare his caregivers told me they only send activity sheets Monday-Wednesday. Weird, but ok we let it slide. We noticed in his first few days of entries they were feeding him only about half of what we give him at home. Disappointing, but we thought maybe it was cause it's a new environment and he's getting used to it. We just tried to feed him as much as possible in the mornings and evenings.

Well, we went to the doctor the other day and they told us they were a little concerned about his weight gain and we needed to make sure he was getting what we usually feed him (4oz every 2 hours, instead of the 2oz he gets at daycare). We told the daycare this and they never responded. When I picked him up, they said he's eating great but they weren't gonna do activity sheets today cause they were busy (it's literally a piece of paper with all his diaper changes and feeds that they take a picture of and send through an app). Well, it's now been a week without any info on how my son has been eating, pooping, sleeping, etc.

I really like the caregivers and I don't need a live video feed, but not having any information has been really hard for me. Are all daycares like this? It's only been a few weeks at this daycare but I'm thinking of trying another place if they can provide us with more regular info. Am I being totally unreasonable?

My in home daycare with 10 kids and two teachers/caregivers gave me zero reports. I had no problems with the quality of care there, my child thrived, and I recommend that place to others. Then we moved. I didn't realize centers gave daily reports until I sent my younger one to a center. Frankly, the info in there was so minimal and repetitive that after a while I didn't even read it.

If I were you, I'd ask for more info now because your child has weight concerns, but I would also see if them not giving info keeps on happening before becoming all anxious and changing care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age do parents reasonably expect the daily sheets to stop? Is it a legal requirement, center policy, or teacher specific?

Not a legal requirement. It's a center policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you’re describing is unacceptable but sadly very common for infant daycares. The accuracy of those sheets is a joke - both centers I had my DD in really were awful about them. It’s really virtually impossible with 1:3 or 1:4 ratios for infants to get attentive, loving care in traditional child care centers. The teachers basically just give bottles and change diapers and document all day long while rotating the kids onto the floor, in devices. in cribs, and out for a required walk (at least in DC but often staff try to skip them due to weather). It’s not their fault, the ratios don’t really allow kids much more than having their basic needs met. If you can at all consider a nanny share I would absolutely encourage you to. Nannies aren’t perfect and come with their own set of challenges but I think would be so much better for you. Infant daycares just generally stink, unfortunately.

My goodness, stop the fear mongering. Between two kids over the past 8 years, I've used an in home daycare, a center daycare, and a nanny (for infant and toddler care). They all have pros and cons. There are hundreds of thousands of infants in daycares in this country. It's wise to be selective when choosing daycares, but saying a nanny share is automatically better is not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you’re describing is unacceptable but sadly very common for infant daycares. The accuracy of those sheets is a joke - both centers I had my DD in really were awful about them. It’s really virtually impossible with 1:3 or 1:4 ratios for infants to get attentive, loving care in traditional child care centers. The teachers basically just give bottles and change diapers and document all day long while rotating the kids onto the floor, in devices. in cribs, and out for a required walk (at least in DC but often staff try to skip them due to weather). It’s not their fault, the ratios don’t really allow kids much more than having their basic needs met. If you can at all consider a nanny share I would absolutely encourage you to. Nannies aren’t perfect and come with their own set of challenges but I think would be so much better for you. Infant daycares just generally stink, unfortunately.

My goodness, stop the fear mongering. Between two kids over the past 8 years, I've used an in home daycare, a center daycare, and a nanny (for infant and toddler care). They all have pros and cons. There are hundreds of thousands of infants in daycares in this country. It's wise to be selective when choosing daycares, but saying a nanny share is automatically better is not true.

To clarify, my DD got two types of daycare during her infant and toddler years. My DS got daycare and nanny then daycare during infant and toddler years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and I respectfully disagree, and I’ve toured at least 20 infant programs here in DC and have a background in early childhood education. To all those disagreeing with me, go take care of 3-4 infants for 8 hours a day and report back on how it went and how much time you had to spend with each one giving them cuddles and nurturing. The ratios are the problem and the lack of government subsidies for early childhood Ed, particularly for infants and toddlers whose need for individual 1:1 relationships with a caregiver is much higher then that means need for socialization that older toddlers and preschoolers benefit from. 1:3 or 1:4 makes it very hard for caregivers to do much beyond meeting basic needs.

Nobody is saying there aren't bad daycares. But, in answer to OP's question, what she is describing is not something many of us experienced and it's not something I or other PP's would be happy with. There are many, many daycares that can effectively keep track of feedings, diaper changes and naps. It does not sound like they are doing a good job of taking care of the children's basic needs.

As far as ratios go I agree. I don't know how one person can care for 4 babies at a time. I know that at our daycare in MD they actually do 1:2 in the 0-24 month room, which seems reasonable to me. Many people have their children at in-home daycares where in MD they can only have 2 babies, and there is one person who is assigned to them. You don't have to get a nanny or nanny share to get a good ratio.

I don't believe the person you are responding to is talking about good daycare or bad daycare. She probably wants to emphasize how it is impossible to take care of 3-4 infants at the same time beyond just doing the basics, regardless of whether the place is good or bad. It is a ridiculously difficult thing to do and most people will agree that it is very hard it is to deal with infants due to how needy they are and the fact that they cannot verbalize their needs yet.

The infancy phase is honestly the most mentally and physically exhausting part of taking care of children. They need to be held, then fed, then burped, etc. And they may or may not nap well. It's why new mothers are always exhausted. Of course there are people with unicorn babies who are easy, but most infants require a lot of hard work. Also it is probably very common for multiple infants to start screaming at the same time for whatever reason and then whoever's taking care of them needs to attend to both.

However, the poster has unrealistic expectations if she expects that her child will do a ton of things with the caretaker. That's just not a realistic expectation when you have someone who has to divide their attention between multiple very needy babies. If you want your child to be prioritized and to do all these things beyond the basics, then you have to either pay a nanny to care for your child alone or stay home and do it yourself. There are pros and cons to all approaches but it all comes down to what you want and what you're comfortable with.

+1. Realistically, if a caregiver is responsible for 3 infants, either they can take the time to keep a detailed log of feeding, diapers and naps for each of the babies, or they can spend their time actually interacting with the babies. But both are not happening at the same time, I assure you.

[Anonymous]

Ime the promise about the activity sheets is kind of irrelevant, you have a feeding concern and so they should be counting ounces and reporting them. Even if the activity sheet app didn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FTM at my very first daycare so interested in everyone's thoughts.

My son is 3 months and just started daycare. Due to COVID, all the "visits" were virtual but they told me that they send daily activity sheets through an app...great. My son was born early and very small so my husband and I like to keep track of his feeds to make sure we're generally at a good place with calories.

Well on his first day of daycare his caregivers told me they only send activity sheets Monday-Wednesday. Weird, but ok we let it slide. We noticed in his first few days of entries they were feeding him only about half of what we give him at home. Disappointing, but we thought maybe it was cause it's a new environment and he's getting used to it. We just tried to feed him as much as possible in the mornings and evenings.

Well, we went to the doctor the other day and they told us they were a little concerned about his weight gain and we needed to make sure he was getting what we usually feed him (4oz every 2 hours, instead of the 2oz he gets at daycare). We told the daycare this and they never responded. When I picked him up, they said he's eating great but they weren't gonna do activity sheets today cause they were busy (it's literally a piece of paper with all his diaper changes and feeds that they take a picture of and send through an app). Well, it's now been a week without any info on how my son has been eating, pooping, sleeping, etc.

I really like the caregivers and I don't need a live video feed, but not having any information has been really hard for me. Are all daycares like this? It's only been a few weeks at this daycare but I'm thinking of trying another place if they can provide us with more regular info. Am I being totally unreasonable?

This is the biggest red flag for me. Are they offering 4 oz and he's only drinking 2 oz or are they just giving him 2 oz for some reason? I also think they should be giving you a summary of the day. Obviously the times are not going to be 100% accurate but you should generally know how much he ate and whether he napped every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1. Realistically, if a caregiver is responsible for 3 infants, either they can take the time to keep a detailed log of feeding, diapers and naps for each of the babies, or they can spend their time actually interacting with the babies. But both are not happening at the same time, I assure you.

There are many daycares that exceed the required ratios, and are able to track feedings and naps and diaper changes. But that's beside the point of what OP has experienced - non-response to a concern, relayed from a pediatrician, about whether an infant is being properly fed. At minimum, teachers should be able to say, "yeah, baby isn't finishing her bottles". They should be able to say whether baby is rejecting the bottles or maybe eating very slowly. That communication is so important and can help with troubleshooting what the issue is. Without it, baby's basic needs cannot be met.