If my entire family wants a dog but I don't, it won't work, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older child has been asking for a dog for about 2 years but has done nothing to prove he can handle the responsibility like take care of his room and the play/school room.

I last owned a dog 30 years ago and I liked it but had cats since. I don't want dog fur, dog smell, dog walk/poo responsibilities. I like going barefoot in my backyard. I don't like dog licks or breath...so I shouldn't get a dog even though my kids want one, right?

Please be nice. I would love to want a dog and make my kids happy but I just can't find a way to want one. And yes, I like dogs; other peoples'.

Is there a way around this issue? Therapy? Could 3 in the family make up for one not participating in dog ownership? When we had cats, my husband did not participate in cat ownership responsibilities and I was fine with that.

I was you. DH and 9-year-old DD desperately wanted a dog and promised they would be the primary caregivers, as I already feel like I have too much on my plate. We got a puppy. DD pretty much immediatley realized it was more fun playing on the Ipad than the constant attention a dog requires. DH realized he couldn't both get up at 1am to walk the dog and 6am to feed her, meaning I had to do one or the other. The dog is older, and it's gotten much easier (dog sleeps more, can go for longer walks, isn't biting anymore) but it's still much more work for me than I'd like. The cat analogy doesn't apply as they are much less work overall.

I'd say -- picture the scenario above and your reaction. I gave in and was still a bit resentful for months as I felt overburdened. If you think you'll be that way but forever (every time you have to pick up poop, get licked, etc) I'd say no dog. Get a kitten/goldfish or foster dogs instead.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. You'll be stuck with all the responsibility. Or, you'll be hounding (ha) your kids constantly--walk the dog, fill his bowl, clean up his poop, don't feed him table food, ad nauseaum. They won't do it and you'll be aggravated. I've seen this a LOT during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

My cousin’s daughter begged for a dog all the way up to the day she left for college. Parents were not on board, so no dog. She only got one after getting her first job and own place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older child has been asking for a dog for about 2 years but has done nothing to prove he can handle the responsibility like take care of his room and the play/school room.

I last owned a dog 30 years ago and I liked it but had cats since. I don't want dog fur, dog smell, dog walk/poo responsibilities. I like going barefoot in my backyard. I don't like dog licks or breath...so I shouldn't get a dog even though my kids want one, right?

Please be nice. I would love to want a dog and make my kids happy but I just can't find a way to want one. And yes, I like dogs; other peoples'.

Is there a way around this issue? Therapy? Could 3 in the family make up for one not participating in dog ownership? When we had cats, my husband did not participate in cat ownership responsibilities and I was fine with that.

Absolutely no dog. Or you're showing your children that they can "over-rule" their mother. They can get their own pets in their own home.

That's exactly what I told my then 9-year-old DD. Her best friend got a dog, her other friend got a dog, looks like everyone we knew and lived around was getting a damn dog, and my child just wanted to belong. I guess she wanted to be part of the dog-walking crew, or something, as long as the crew had her friends on. I said, over my dead body. A waterfall of tears ensued.

Fast forward 2 years. The best friend and her dog moved out of the area; DD got into a magnet and started hanging out with a different crew. Dogs aren't even on the radar anymore, thank God.
OP, don't do it, just wait it out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to "pet sit" for a friend's dog when they go on vacation. Even a responsible kid will lose enthusiasm for pet chores after a short time, and then it will all fall on you.

This. You’ll find out quickly if no dog, part time dog, or full time dog is what will work. My parents had friends who would always dog sit for them because the friends loved having a part time dog.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t think I wanted one. Then we got one and I fell in love with the dog.

[Anonymous]

Tell your kid if he goes out twice a day every day for a year and walks around the block, come rain or shine, he can have a dog. But it has to be with no prompting from you.

[Anonymous]

OP,

First, kids younger than teens can't be 100% responsible for a pet. Stop expecting that.

Second, I can't stand dog smell, licks or breath either, but I love my dog. He knows not to lick me. I selected a clean, non-stinky breed (Samoyed) and deal with the rest.

Third, I recommend a Bichon Frise. They're also non-stinky, but contrary to Samoyeds, they don't shed and are too small to yank your arm off. Those two breeds are as hypoallergenic as dogs can get.

[Anonymous]

How strict are you willing to be? We have a walk schedule posted in our front hall, and each of the kids is assigned walks throughout the week, non-negotiable. And the walks have to be at least 15 minutes, but generally more like a half hour. They know this is part of the deal. I do 6 walks per week myself, but that is part of my exercise routing and because I like it.

The kids are also assigned to brush the dog, outside.

I really only get guff from one of our three kids. If they were all like that, it would be really tough. So you need to know how much the kids really will want a dog, and how compliant they are with expectatons generally. If you are constantly fighting over existing chores, adding one more will not be helpful. And the dog walk is a lot more important than unloading the dishwasher.

I think the pet sitting idea is a really good one and will allow at least a partial test to see how enthusiastic they are about the actual chores.

It's easy to teach them not to likc, if you don't like it. Or tell the breeder you don't want that personality -- it's VERY personality driven (submissive puppies lick more). Mine only licks at specific times -- usually when he thinks I've forgotten his walk or dinner.

[Anonymous]

I love dogs. Our family always had a dog when I was growing up. DH and I got a dog before we had kids. We are now on our 4th family dog and are so grateful for the love these dogs have given us and brought out in us. But my vote is "no, it won't work" unless both parents want the dog. I've just seen too many sad situations where one parent is bitter and angry and the other feels put-upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older child has been asking for a dog for about 2 years but has done nothing to prove he can handle the responsibility like take care of his room and the play/school room.

I last owned a dog 30 years ago and I liked it but had cats since. I don't want dog fur, dog smell, dog walk/poo responsibilities. I like going barefoot in my backyard. I don't like dog licks or breath...so I shouldn't get a dog even though my kids want one, right?

Please be nice. I would love to want a dog and make my kids happy but I just can't find a way to want one. And yes, I like dogs; other peoples'.

Is there a way around this issue? Therapy? Could 3 in the family make up for one not participating in dog ownership? When we had cats, my husband did not participate in cat ownership responsibilities and I was fine with that.

This could be us. Three want a dog. We have a cat. DD has a dog at bio dad’s house. I know I will end up doing at least some dog care. I do all the cat care.

[Anonymous]

Yes. DH doesn't want one, and so we don't have one. Everyone has to be on board with the new roommate who cannot look after itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. Dogs live at least 10 years—probably more. That’s a long time to be picking up poop and going on early morning walks when you’re not into it and your kids are in college.

OP here: DH wants dog but not if I refuse responsibility and he supports the concept that the older child has to show responsibility BEFORE dog-adoption talk starts. ANyway, this quoted poster makes an excellent point. Once the kids hit college, I'm hitting the world.

If your DH is not willing to pick up the slack from your kid, then the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

I always say the best time to get a dog is when your oldest is 9 and the youngest is in K. That way, they are relatively responsible from the start, the dog will be elderly when they are busy teens who’d rather spend time with their friends (but still need a supportive cuddle some days), and the dog has crossed the rainbow biridge when the youngest starts college. Worst thing is to resist for years and then give in when they are 12/13/14....you really will then be saddled with the dog as soon as they hit HS.

[Anonymous]

No it won’t work. Unless you’re ready to do most of the walking, training, feeding, grooming, cleaning up if pee, and vet visits don’t do it. My kids promised they would help but they have school, practice, need sleep, etc. and my husband helps some but I do most of the work. I don’t mind bec I love my dogs, but if you’re on the fence, don’t do it.