My mother hasn’t met my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My psycho mean mother met my now 15 year old once when he was 6 months. She never met my now 12 year old and now 11 year old.

She died two years ago about 15 miles from us. While in hospice and about 5 days before she died, she reached out several times begging for us to come see her. I deleted her voicemails.

She died alone in a hospital bed, having not seen or spoken with me in 14 years and not having met two of her three grandkids.

Be nice to your children people or you to will die alone and sad.

Just to get a sense, what are examples of the meaner things she did?

Called my employer and lied in an attempt to have me fired.
Called my in laws and lied claiming I was having an affair
Routinely sent me taunting emails stating that the family (her side) was so relieved I was estranged because they hated me all along
Ridiculed my concern when my eldest was hospitalized with disease

Stuff that I as a parent just now look back on as so vile that I can't believe I came from her.

I'm PP who asked. My mother is the same way, has done a lot to humiliate me, while with a veneer of concern and religious piety. It's stunning to watch....

She called the police to have me committed as mentally unstable, because she disapproved of who I was dating. She paid women to text my partner and a man I didn't know to call me in the evenings to break us up. She mentally abused my kids, badly mistreated her rental tenants (I meaned very cruel stuff to poor desperate folk in a country with no laws to protect them) . . .

Only until I learnt how she harmed many others too, did my eyes open to what a cobra I was dealing with. Luckily she's far far away. I don't know I could completely leave her to die alone, but I truly get it.

[Anonymous]

I'm estranged from my father.

My daughter started asking about him when she was 4. I did some research online and my standard line in, "when you are a grownup, you get to choose who to love and have in your life. He's not a part of my life right now, but we are so lucky to have X, Y, and Z in ours."

[Anonymous]

I'm estranged from my mother and father. I simply say "sometimes parents hurt their children. It is not OK to let yourself be hurt by anyone, even your mom and dad. In order for me to be a good mommy it is best for me to stay away from my parents".

[Anonymous]

NP. Thank you for this thread and for those who offered supportive responses. I struggle with this too. Just know you aren't alone in this dilemma OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am late 30s, my children are 5 and 1. I have not spoken to my mother in 7 years. Long story short, she is a narcissist, abusive (all forms) and bipolar. She has done some terrible, unforgivable things since I was a child, and therapy never helped. She has never acknowledged any of it, and has blamed everyone but herself for her life. I have done everything to try and have a healthy relationship with her with boundaries, but ultimately came to the realization once i was married that she is not going to change and I cannot keep torturing myself with trying to make things different. I have started thinking about my children and if/when they ask about her. I am not sure how to approach this, and am starting to feel a bit of guilt although I have absolutely no reason to. Has anyone gone through this, how did you get past it? I am and have been in therapy since i was 18.

Is mental illness your (her) fault?

OP?