Hanging on a thread for the kids

[Anonymous]

Someone said this is temporary and while it is, the impact to your mental health may not be temporary. Call your EAP. What we are feeling will not just disappear when COVID is contained. If you don’t tend to your mental health and relationships now, there may be nothing left when this ends.

[Anonymous]

Sahm (Work very part time 3-5 hours a week on contract work) of 4. I love my kids but work from 6am until 10pm most days. No emotional or physical support from husband mother or most family. Most days i wish I would die in my sleep but love my kids too much to entertain the fantasy too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sahm (Work very part time 3-5 hours a week on contract work) of 4. I love my kids but work from 6am until 10pm most days. No emotional or physical support from husband mother or most family. Most days i wish I would die in my sleep but love my kids too much to entertain the fantasy too much.

I felt that way for awhile and it was awful. Can you talk to your doctor and get medication? I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

NP...Both DH and I work full time and trying to take care of a 4 yo and 6 yo who has SNs while trying to manage his DL. We are exhausted and feel sick all the time due to the workload. I also have a herniated disc and arthritis in the facet joints in my spine so I am in constant pain but can't take pain killers because they would slow me down.

[Anonymous]

Please call your EAP ASAP! OP I’m so sorry you are feeling so terrible. Just remember, everything will be fine if you walk away and take time for yourself every day. Stop feeling guilty of screen time. Cut ALL extra commitments. Nothing will go up in flames if you walk away from things to preserve your health and sanity. Your number one priority is you!!!

See if you can hire a mother’s helper even if it’s only 1-2 hours a week. And call you EAP! And tell your husband he either has to man up or he can do everything himself, you’ll just be assisting with the children. He can make his own food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire help.

I agree with this. I need someone here 8 hours a day to make sure I get my work done and my kids are online getting their work done. This could be a college student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire help.

I agree with this. I need someone here 8 hours a day to make sure I get my work done and my kids are online getting their work done. This could be a college student.

I understand why some families have to bite the bullet and do this, but let's not pretend it isn't without health risk. You are opening your family up to that help's contacts and have no control over how covid-careful that person is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, me too. I only have one kid but she is in Kindergarten and needs so much right now and we are so run down. I am actually on an upswing the last week but hit an extreme low the week before and had to just cut and run on a couple obligations because I was too tired to function. I feel like I'm failing at everything and my kid, who is only 5, seems completely stressed and overwhelmed many days, which only adds to my feeling of failure.

Anyway, I don't know how people with multiple kids are doing it but I am amazed anyone is keeping it together. This is ridiculous and impossible and the idea that we're just going to keep on like this indefinitely is insane to me.

I told my husband a few days ago that it just feels like something has to give. Whether it's stimulus checks so we could pay for some childcare or for some kind of limited in-person schooling to start, or for the government to offer a safer school alternative in the afternoon to give parents a break (if I could send my kid to some kind of outdoor recess with masks for two hours in the afternoon, I would cry with joy and relief). I can't do it all now, and the idea that in the midst of this my kid is supposed to be refining her reading skills and learning multiplication is insane. It is not realistic. I need a break.

I think we all need to be honest with how hard this is and force our elected officials to do something about it. They can't outsource it all to us. I can't do it.

Your 5 yr old is supposed to be learning multiplication???

[Anonymous]

+1 OP.

Right there with you. I'm sick of the multi-tasking nightmare. I'm in my mid-40s. I'm tired, cranky, crampy. Other women in their 40s from other walks of life are grandparents at this age, or at least have kids in college or high school. Managing little ones with a full-time job combined with hormonal changes and the health issues that come with those changes is hell.

[Anonymous]

OP some of the language in your post lets me know that you should show this to a loved one you trust and get the support of a doctor in your life. I'm concerned about your well being and mental health. Can you dot that to see if you can really amp up your support system?

I am struggling too. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire help.

I agree with this. I need someone here 8 hours a day to make sure I get my work done and my kids are online getting their work done. This could be a college student.

I understand why some families have to bite the bullet and do this, but let's not pretend it isn't without health risk. You are opening your family up to that help's contacts and have no control over how covid-careful that person is.

It also may not be financially feasible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone said this is temporary and while it is, the impact to your mental health may not be temporary. Call your EAP. What we are feeling will not just disappear when COVID is contained. If you don’t tend to your mental health and relationships now, there may be nothing left when this ends.

NP here who is experiencing the same things. I called my EAP. I was matched with a LCSW who then referred me back to my EAP because she said my "passive suicidal ideation" was out of her depth. I'm now waiting another 5 days to speak to this new psych referral and trying to squeeze in time to call the additional providers I found who 1) take my insurance and 2) are taking new patients. The overlap there is very, very small. It seems just finding someone to talk to is a 2nd job in and of itself. OP, I truly sympathize with you. I am trying, trying, trying to work my schedule so I can go to bed a little earlier, get up a little earlier and squeeze in an extra hour to do the bare self-care minimum of some headspace app time and 30 minutes of exercise but that's just keeping my head above water. Taking PTO doesn't help because it means more work when I return. We put our daughter back in preschool and that has helped some and has freed up time to supervise virtual school for the ES-ers, but adds to the covid exposure anxiety. Perimenopause and a few other common midlife stressors are compounding things for me, too. You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone said this is temporary and while it is, the impact to your mental health may not be temporary. Call your EAP. What we are feeling will not just disappear when COVID is contained. If you don’t tend to your mental health and relationships now, there may be nothing left when this ends.

NP here who is experiencing the same things. I called my EAP. I was matched with a LCSW who then referred me back to my EAP because she said my "passive suicidal ideation" was out of her depth. I'm now waiting another 5 days to speak to this new psych referral and trying to squeeze in time to call the additional providers I found who 1) take my insurance and 2) are taking new patients. The overlap there is very, very small. It seems just finding someone to talk to is a 2nd job in and of itself. OP, I truly sympathize with you. I am trying, trying, trying to work my schedule so I can go to bed a little earlier, get up a little earlier and squeeze in an extra hour to do the bare self-care minimum of some headspace app time and 30 minutes of exercise but that's just keeping my head above water. Taking PTO doesn't help because it means more work when I return. We put our daughter back in preschool and that has helped some and has freed up time to supervise virtual school for the ES-ers, but adds to the covid exposure anxiety. Perimenopause and a few other common midlife stressors are compounding things for me, too. You're not alone.

Can you talk to your primary care dr? My family practice dr told me she has the same conversation 5-6 times a day with patients. She gave me medication and offered therapist names. The medication is helping.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Hey: the OP is having suicidal ideation. THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO DEBATE WHO IS RICHER OR W/EV.

OP, do you have a health care provider you trust?

[Anonymous]

When I go to the bathroom, I turn on the fan even though I don't need it and I lock the door. Then I spend about five minutes in there regardless of what I'm doing. It has become like my retreat, my safe place. It may only be five minutes, and yes, people have still knocked on the door, but most of the time I get five minutes without being able to hear what's going on outside and knowing that no one can reach me (try as they might to get through the door). Anyway, just to say, I sympathize with you, and it's an idea maybe you can use. I can generally feel my blood pressure drop as soon as I lock the door.