Do you regret having kids at a young age?

[Anonymous]

You are not going to find many 30 year olds with multiple kids on this site.
I had my first at 29 and my third at 34 and I am always the youngest in my kids’ classes (maybe not as much with my third).
I am very happy that I had no issue conceiving, that I bounced back in a couple of months each time, that I hopefully won’t be an old grandmother, that my parents are still young to enjoy their grandkids, etc.

At the same time, my husband is 11 years older than me (that’s the only way we could afford private school and a nice house), I am not where I would like to be (or where my peers are) in my career...

There was definitely a trade off for me. I have a job and a PhD, but my friends with no kids (or that started having kids at 35 or later) are doing much better career wise.

Several of my friends were not able to get pregnant or had to do IVF because they waited too long (or have only 1 child)....
trade offs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not going to find many 30 year olds with multiple kids on this site.
I had my first at 29 and my third at 34 and I am always the youngest in my kids’ classes (maybe not as much with my third).
I am very happy that I had no issue conceiving, that I bounced back in a couple of months each time, that I hopefully won’t be an old grandmother, that my parents are still young to enjoy their grandkids, etc.

At the same time, my husband is 11 years older than me (that’s the only way we could afford private school and a nice house), I am not where I would like to be (or where my peers are) in my career...

There was definitely a trade off for me. I have a job and a PhD, but my friends with no kids (or that started having kids at 35 or later) are doing much better career wise.

Several of my friends were not able to get pregnant or had to do IVF because they waited too long (or have only 1 child)....
trade offs

I am happy with my choices and would not trade my family for a better job, but it is not perfect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a kid at twenty and a kid at forty. All the physical aspects of child bearing and rearing were a doddle at twenty. I was a young SAHM. Quick labor, I was out of the hospital in less than 24 hours, and right back into my size 4 jeans. It Was like being the mom AND the fun babysitter. Lots of parks and walks and enrichment and attachment parenting.

Financially, it was no fun. No money for babysitters or preschool. Very few vacations. No budget for food outside of home cooked. Severe compromise on housing choices. The thing I regret most, in hindsight, was not having a period in my life where I was only responsible for myself. It made me a more risk averse person than I think I was meant to be.

Having a child at forty was not fun, physically. I gained so much weight, felt exhausted all the time, and couldn’t spare the time for proper rest. There was the expense and anxiety of all the Advanced Maternal age rigamarole, the difficulty of fitting all the appointments into an already busy life, the pre-guilt of “what if something goes wrong”. Labor was rough and recovery not long enough.

There was money, though. Blessed money for take out food and supplemental child care and formula. Nice comfortable house, plenty of clothes so I wasn’t doing laundry 24/7. I was more laid back as a parent, didn’t feel like I had to be “on” all the time. However, I did miss that wonderful feeling of having one job- making baby happy without being regimented to within an inch on the clock.

I can’t honestly say one experience was better than the other. They both had their wonderful parts and drawbacks. But that’s life. It’s like a Mandelbrot pattern. Any part you slice out and look at is going to have the same pattern of good and bad.

Just to note that each pregnancy is different and there's no guarantee you won't gain weight when younger or that you will when older. I was lucky with my pregnancies at 35 and 39 and am at age 41 in the same size jeans I wore in high school. I also have lots of energy as long as I get my 7 hours per night. (I do have an issue with plantar fasciitis which was caused by pregnancy but age probably doesn't help!!) Anyway, my point is that pregnancies are a bit like lottery and you don't have a ton of control over your body, no matter your age.

Sure... but it’s usually much easier physically when you are young

[Anonymous]

No, even though that marriage ended in divorce. I had kids at 26 and 28. It’s pretty cool to travel the world with your young adult kids when you are still in your forties. It’s also great for your kids to get to know your parents when they are still young and very much with it (my parents were in their 50s when my kids were born, and they have a real relationship with their now adult grandchildren). And I don’t need to worry about supporting the kids on my retirement income or working into my 70s to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 28 and second at 31. I was dying for a baby and had one the minute I got DH to agree. I love my two and wouldn’t trade them, but if I could have a time machine and still get my same two kids, I would have delayed a couple more years. I had crazy baby fever though so not sure how I would have convinced young me to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am approaching 30, have never married, and don’t have kids.

While I’m content with life, I have friends who are happily married and rounding out the bases 3-4 kids before 30.

I’ve accomplished a lot in my 20s (masters degree, several promotions) make a decent salary by DC standards, and own a small townhouse in Bethesda.

But there’s still a small part of that wonders, what could’ve been.

It also doesn’t help that I haven’t met a decent man in over year either. Maybe I need to check out Virginia.

The truth is this: if you want to have a family and children, now is the time for you to work at it as relentlessly as you did on your career. The important thing is to be honest with yourself about what you want instead of telling yourself "well here's where I am so I better love it."

[Anonymous]

My husband's parents had him at 40 and now they're too old to enjoy their grandkids, they're basically at death's door. Meanwhile my mom had me at 22 and it was tough for awhile, but now she's loving life, traveling, taking the grandkids places. My husband wanted to have kids early.

[Anonymous]

It’s interesting. I have several friends who had kids young, I had mine in my mid to late 30s and was kind of getting envious that they were “done” while I was just getting started. Not sure what happened but now that we’ve hit 40, they all decided they wanted another baby and are either pregnant or have infants!

[Anonymous]

Nope- 25 and at 28. Best thing I did ever. I was still young enough after kids graduated,married to do whatever. I have friends in their 60s with kids in college.Nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope- 25 and at 28. Best thing I did ever. I was still young enough after kids graduated,married to do whatever. I have friends in their 60s with kids in college.Nightmare.

Having kids in mid to late 20s is awesome. Was in a stable job, had money, a home, but was still young enough to run around and have lots of energy left over. Would highly recommend that age.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 31 and honestly, I wish I had done it a few years earlier when I was 27 or 28. It would be so nice to be able to have a big family AND be done having kids by 35. I was married at 26, so we could have made it work.

[Anonymous]

I accomplished a lot in my 20s and 30s. I’m also very glad for for the time I had with my husband pre-kids. Someone on this board once described that time as putting money in the bank to get you through the hard times and I totally agree with that. Kids are hard work.