Vacationing alone, or without spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get married or have children to vacation without them. It reeks of a trouble marriage.

Some might say your inability to vacation alone reeks of control issues, a controlling spouse, insecurity or codependency.

[Anonymous]

In general, no I don't vacation without my spouse. However, before we had kids, we had planned a trip to the South of France with my husband's family. My husband had a lot going at work so he planned to meet us there. I had a lot more time off so I booked a few days in Paris by myself. It is one of the best experiences I have ever had. Of course I wished he could have joined me for that part of the trip but there was something very empowering about exploring Paris by myself, on my own schedule.

Now that we have kids, I wouldn't want to do a trip without my husband unless I was doing some kind of girls trip with my daughter. I don't foresee the desire to do something like that until she is much older though.

[Anonymous]

I don’t take the same kinds of vacations without my spouse as I do with him. I wouldn’t take the kids touring Europe without him or anything. I thought about taking the kids to Disney once, but the cost kind of got to me. It seemed kind of crappy to take a cool trip with the kids while he stayed at home to work and pay for it all. I know that isn’t how he saw it, but it seemed that way to me.

But I will take them camping or to go visit relatives without him. The kids and I flew out to LA for my neice’s baptism last February.
I also take a girls weekend once every couple of years with my sisters and my mom. No kids.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't enjoy travel as much as I do, so I occasionally go on trips with my sister.

He also dislikes the area where my parents live, so I'd say that about 30% of our trips there are just me and the kids (or me + kids + sister).

And my older daughter and I enjoy camping but he really does not, so he doesn't come along on our short camping trips.

I'd be happy for him to come along on any of these trips, but I also respect that he doesn't always want to spend his time off the way I do.

[Anonymous]

I go on vacation pretty much exclusively without my SO. He cannot travel at all, not even for something simple like going to WV or something. Basically he can't leave the house.

We also don't have a good relationship in any other way. So not traveling with him happens to be a red flag in my case. I do think that, in general, it's healthy to want to occasionally travel independently.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up my mom was a teacher and my dad ran a company. We moved to the beach for the summer w my mom and a babysitter and my dad came down on weekends. I have a lot of fond memories of those summers and I don’t think it would’ve been fair to the rest of us not to enjoy ourselves bc my dad worked nonstop. I will still go to the beach house with my mom and without my dh or dad for weekends here and there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn't enjoy travel as much as I do, so I occasionally go on trips with my sister.

He also dislikes the area where my parents live, so I'd say that about 30% of our trips there are just me and the kids (or me + kids + sister).

And my older daughter and I enjoy camping but he really does not, so he doesn't come along on our short camping trips.

I'd be happy for him to come along on any of these trips, but I also respect that he doesn't always want to spend his time off the way I do.

Hmm.

What does he like to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do you vacation without your spouse? When they don’t come do you take the kids? Go by yourself? With friends?

How do you feel about your arrangement?

The kids and I have much more time off than DH and they are a little older and easier. We are doing more without him. He’s okay with it. Kids and I don’t love it, but it’s better than staying home.

My parents never did but my father could set work boundaries and was a real leader of the family, involved, active parent.

My spouse is not. We only vacation with extended family or others or I am ready to do everything if just us. He prefers to work and slate in Disney Dad time when and if he can. He has come days later for many holidays and vacations or now skips them entirely to “catch up on work” or “get ahead at work.”

More likely getting head at work.

[Anonymous]

66/52 empty nesters. We vacation together several times @ year with the exception of one golf buddies trip a year for me and a girls trip for DW, both being or 4-5 day weekends that usually coincide.

[Anonymous]

Another one here whose DH doesn’t like traveling. The vacation he plans is a local beach week. Any other travel I plan myself, and about once a year I do a trip without 1-3 of the kids but without him. Also do a girls weekend 1-2x year. So rather than drag him along, I have a great time and he gets to enjoy a quieter home.

Works for us!

[Anonymous]

Not really. He took a couple guys trips a while back. I like spending time with him and he likes to travel so we vacation together. We did take a couple small trips without the kid when we only had one. And will probably do that again when the baby is older. My parents have been married for 40 years and only vacationed separately when my mom or dad had to go back to the old country to look after a sick parent etc and it's not really a vacation and they missed each other terribly the whole time.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I like very different vacations! He wants to chill in the islands in a comatose state and I want to run the streets of NY and Paris. Now I’ll do my trips only with friends and go with him to the islands, be bored out of my mind and gain 20lbs! But I was born and raised near the beach and he’s from Jersey so I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get married or have children to vacation without them. It reeks of a trouble marriage.

Haha. Being married with kids doesn’t mean that you need to spend 100% of your time together and that every single experience must be shared. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was going to say never, but I have done a few girls weekends and left the kids with my DH.

Same. Maybe once every couple of years I do a girls weekend—just two nights. And DH will do a guys weekend maybe once every 3 years. My parents have a beach house in Delaware so that is how we solve the more time off issue—we all spend a lot of time at the beach in the summer but DH tends to work for a decent part of it. I do, too, but less than DH.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and both of our parents have beach homes one in the winter and one in the summer. I will often go alone with our kids and it’s not ideal but he only gets 3 weeks of vacation time so he can’t always go with us. It’s not ideal but it’s understandable. Our big trips are always as a family.